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How to Win Friends and Influence People

How to Win Friends and Influence People

Updated For the Next Generation of Leaders
作者 Dale Carnegie 2022 317 页数
4.42
2k+ 评分
6 分钟

重点摘要

1. 培养对他人的真诚兴趣以赢得朋友和影响他人

“通过对他人产生兴趣,你在两个月内可以交到的朋友比试图让他人对你感兴趣在两年内交到的朋友还要多。”

真诚的兴趣具有磁性。 当你对他人表现出真诚的好奇心时,他们自然会被你吸引。这不是操纵,而是将注意力从自己转移到他人身上。通过这样做,你可以建立有意义的联系,并打开影响的大门。

实际应用:

  • 提出关于人们兴趣、经历和意见的深思熟虑的问题
  • 记住个人细节,并在未来的对话中跟进
  • 提供真诚的赞美,并对他人的品质表示赞赏
  • 练习积极倾听,给予说话者全神贯注的注意力

2. 使用真诚的赞赏并避免批评来激励他人

“批评是徒劳的,因为它会使人处于防御状态,并通常使他努力为自己辩护。”

正面强化有效。 人们对赞赏的反应远胜于批评。当你关注某人做得对的事情,而不是他们做错的事情时,你鼓励他们继续并改进他们的积极行为。

关键策略:

  • 以诚实的赞美或欣赏开始互动
  • 当需要纠正时,首先承认对方的努力或良好意图
  • 以潜在改进的角度而非当前缺陷来框架反馈
  • 使用“夹心”技巧:赞美、建设性反馈、赞美

3. 通过迎合他人的需求和观点来激发他们的热情

“首先,在对方心中激起强烈的愿望。能做到这一点的人拥有整个世界。不能做到的人则孤独前行。”

动机来自内心。 要影响他人,你必须理解并迎合他们的愿望和观点。通过将你的请求或想法框架在对方想要的东西上,你创造了愿意的合作而不是勉强的服从。

实际步骤:

  • 花时间了解对方的目标和动机
  • 以对方的利益为出发点来呈现你的想法
  • 使用诸如“我想知道你是否有兴趣……”或“你是否愿意……”之类的短语
  • 通过想象自己处于对方的位置来练习同理心

4. 掌握倾听的艺术并鼓励他人谈论自己

“要有趣,就要对他人感兴趣。”

倾听是一种强大的工具。 当你给予某人全神贯注的注意力并鼓励他们谈论自己时,你会留下强烈的积极印象。好的倾听者在个人和职业关系中都非常珍贵。

有效的倾听技巧:

  • 保持眼神接触并使用非语言提示来表示参与
  • 提出开放性问题,邀请对方详细说明
  • 避免打断或替对方完成句子
  • 总结并反映你所听到的内容以确保理解

5. 通过真诚的言行让人们感到重要

“人性中最深刻的原则是渴望被欣赏。”

每个人都渴望重要感。 通过让他人感到被重视和重要,你满足了一个基本的人类需求。这会创造善意,并使人们更有可能对你做出积极回应。

让他人感到重要的方法:

  • 使用人们的名字并记住个人细节
  • 对他们的成就或品质提供真诚的赞美
  • 尊重他们的意见,即使你不同意
  • 公开承认他们的贡献和努力
  • 在相关话题上征求他们的建议或专业意见

6. 通过避免争论和承认错误来赢得他人的思维方式

“你无法赢得争论。你不能,因为如果你输了,你就输了;如果你赢了,你也输了。”

合作胜于冲突。 争论很少能改变任何人的想法,往往会产生怨恨。相反,专注于找到共同点并愿意承认自己的错误。这种方法可以化解潜在的冲突,并打开通向相互理解的大门。

建设性争论的策略:

  • 从共同点和共同利益开始
  • 提出问题以充分理解对方的观点
  • 承认对方论点中的合理点
  • 公开且迅速地承认自己的错误或局限
  • 寻找满足双方的双赢解决方案

7. 通过赞扬进步和给予他人一个值得维护的声誉来影响改变

“给狗一个好名声,它就会维护它。”

积极的期望激发成长。 当你认可并赞扬即使是微小的进步时,你鼓励进一步的进步。通过对待他人,仿佛他们已经具备你希望看到的品质或技能,你激励他们维护这种积极的声誉。

有效的赞美技巧:

  • 具体说明你在赞美什么以及为什么它有价值
  • 认可努力和进步,而不仅仅是结果
  • 表达你对对方继续改进的信心
  • 将批评框架为成长的机会而非失败
  • 给予人们能拓展他们能力的责任,并展示你的信任

8. 通过使用鼓励和让人们乐于做你建议的事情来成为领导者

“领导力是让一个人做你想让他做的事情并且乐在其中的能力。”

有效的领导力激发意愿。 伟大的领导者不依赖权威或强制力。相反,他们创造了一个人们渴望贡献并对自己的努力感到满意的环境。这种方法建立了忠诚,并激励人们尽其所能。

领导策略:

  • 清晰地传达任务或目标的目的和价值
  • 提供自主权并信任人们找到解决方案
  • 提供支持和资源以帮助人们成功
  • 庆祝团队和个人的成就
  • 将挑战框架为成长和创新的机会
  • 使用问题引导人们找到解决方案,而不是直接给出答案

最后更新日期:

FAQ

What's How to Win Friends and Influence People about?

  • Focus on Human Relations: The book emphasizes the importance of understanding and improving human relationships through effective communication and interpersonal skills.
  • Timeless Principles: Originally published in 1936, the principles remain relevant today, offering insights into human nature and social interactions.
  • Practical Advice: It provides actionable techniques for making friends, influencing people, and improving social interactions, serving as a guide for personal and professional success.

Why should I read How to Win Friends and Influence People?

  • Enhance Social Skills: The book can significantly improve your ability to connect with others, facilitating relationship-building in both personal and professional settings.
  • Timeless Wisdom: Its principles are based on fundamental human psychology, applicable across different eras and contexts, helping navigate modern social dynamics.
  • Proven Success: With over 30 million copies sold, it has helped countless individuals achieve success, demonstrating its effectiveness.

What are the key takeaways of How to Win Friends and Influence People?

  • Avoid Criticism: Criticism often leads to defensiveness and resentment; instead, focus on positive reinforcement.
  • Show Genuine Interest: Becoming genuinely interested in others fosters goodwill and encourages reciprocation.
  • Remember Names: A person's name is crucial to them; remembering it can create a strong connection and make them feel valued.

What are the best quotes from How to Win Friends and Influence People and what do they mean?

  • “You can make more friends...”: Focus on others rather than seeking attention for yourself to build friendships.
  • “A man convinced against his will...”: Arguing is futile; understanding others' perspectives is more effective.
  • “To be interesting, be interested.”: Genuine curiosity about others makes you more engaging and likable.

What specific methods does Dale Carnegie suggest for improving relationships?

  • Smile: A simple smile can create a welcoming atmosphere and express warmth and friendliness.
  • Listen Actively: Encourage others to talk about themselves, making them feel valued and helping you learn more about them.
  • Give Honest Appreciation: Sincere compliments and recognition foster goodwill and encourage positive interactions.

How does How to Win Friends and Influence People address conflict resolution?

  • Avoid Arguments: Instead of arguing, find common ground and understand the other person's perspective to resolve conflicts amicably.
  • Empathy and Understanding: Empathize with others’ feelings and viewpoints to defuse tension and lead to constructive conversations.
  • Focus on Solutions: Discuss solutions and positive outcomes rather than dwelling on problems, shifting focus from conflict to collaboration.

How can I apply the principles from How to Win Friends and Influence People in my daily life?

  • Practice Active Listening: Listen more than you speak to understand others better and build stronger connections.
  • Show Appreciation: Regularly express gratitude and appreciation to those around you to strengthen relationships.
  • Engage with Curiosity: Ask open-ended questions about others’ interests and experiences to encourage deeper conversations.

What are the common mistakes people make in social interactions according to Dale Carnegie?

  • Criticizing Others: Criticism leads to defensiveness and resentment; avoiding it is essential for positive interactions.
  • Focusing on Themselves: Talking too much about oneself can alienate potential friends and allies.
  • Neglecting Names: Forgetting or mispronouncing names can make people feel unimportant; remembering names fosters goodwill.

How does Dale Carnegie suggest we handle difficult people?

  • Empathize with Their Perspective: Understanding motivations and feelings of difficult individuals can help you respond effectively.
  • Avoid Confrontation: Find ways to agree or redirect the conversation to prevent escalation and maintain positivity.
  • Focus on Common Goals: Identify shared interests to create a sense of collaboration and foster cooperative relationships.

What role does praise play in How to Win Friends and Influence People?

  • Motivates Improvement: Praise inspires individuals to continue improving and striving for excellence.
  • Builds Confidence: Genuine praise boosts self-esteem and encourages taking on new challenges.
  • Creates Positive Relationships: Regular appreciation fosters goodwill and strengthens bonds between individuals.

How can I effectively handle disagreements based on the principles in How to Win Friends and Influence People?

  • Welcome Disagreements: View disagreements as opportunities for growth and learning, remaining open to new ideas.
  • Listen Actively: Allow others to express their viewpoints fully before responding, demonstrating respect.
  • Seek Common Ground: Focus on areas of agreement to build rapport and reduce tension, facilitating collaborative resolution.

What is the significance of understanding others' perspectives in How to Win Friends and Influence People?

  • Fosters Empathy: Understanding others' viewpoints strengthens relationships and builds trust through empathy and compassion.
  • Enhances Communication: Tailoring communication to resonate with others increases the likelihood of positive reception.
  • Reduces Conflict: Recognizing and validating others' feelings can diffuse potential conflicts, promoting harmony.

评论

4.42 满分 5
平均评分来自 2k+ 来自Goodreads和亚马逊的评分.

《如何赢得朋友并影响他人》被广泛赞誉为人际关系方面的经典之作。读者们欣赏书中关于善良、同理心和有效沟通的实用建议。许多人认为这些原则虽然简单但深刻,对他们的个人和职业生活产生了持久的影响。一些人批评书中的例子过时且故事重复,而另一些人则重视书中持久的智慧。尽管年代久远,大多数评论者仍然推荐这本书,认为它是提升社交技能和理解人性的重要读物。

Your rating:

关于作者

戴尔·布雷肯里奇·卡耐基是一位美国作家和讲师,1888年出生于密苏里州。他开发了著名的自我提升、推销技巧和公众演讲课程。卡耐基最著名的作品《如何赢得朋友和影响他人》于1936年出版,至今仍然广受欢迎。他开创了责任假设的概念,并相信通过改变自己对他人的反应来改变他人的行为。卡耐基从一个贫穷的农场男孩成长为成功的作家和演讲者的历程令人瞩目。他创立了戴尔·卡耐基学院,他的书籍在全球销量达数百万册。卡耐基于1955年去世,留下了个人发展文学领域的持久遗产。

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