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Stoicism, Bullying, and Beyond

Stoicism, Bullying, and Beyond

How to Keep Your Head When Others Around You Have Lost Theirs and Blame You
作者 Matthew Sharpe 2022 190 页数
4.29
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8 分钟
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重点摘要

1. 职场霸凌是一种心理恐怖主义

霸凌是一种情感攻击。它始于个体成为不尊重和有害行为的目标。通过暗示、谣言和公开诋毁,形成一个敌对环境,在这个环境中,一个人聚集其他人自愿或不自愿地参与持续的恶意行为,以迫使某人离开工作场所。

霸凌的定义。 职场霸凌是同事和/或上司对个体进行系统性和长期攻击。它涉及从公开攻击到隐蔽破坏的一系列策略,旨在孤立和诋毁目标。

常见策略包括:

  • 虚假指控和谣言
  • 社会孤立和排斥
  • 隐瞒信息或资源
  • 过度批评或微观管理
  • 煤气灯效应和否认目标的经历

对目标的影响。 霸凌的心理和身体影响可能非常严重,包括:

  • 焦虑、抑郁和创伤后应激障碍
  • 自尊和自信心下降
  • 身体健康问题
  • 职业和财务后果

2. 斯多葛主义提供了应对职场霸凌的强大工具

当你在工作场所成为公开和隐蔽攻击、谣言、暗示和虚假或未经证实的指控的对象时,斯多葛主义是一种可以随身携带的哲学。

古老智慧应对现代问题。 斯多葛主义是一种古希腊和古罗马哲学,提供了在逆境中保持心理韧性和情绪稳定的实用策略。

针对目标的关键斯多葛原则:

  • 专注于你能控制的事情
  • 培养内在美德和力量
  • 练习情绪调节
  • 保持对生活的广阔视角

斯多葛练习。 书中介绍了几种为霸凌目标量身定制的斯多葛练习,包括:

  • 早晚冥想
  • 预先思考逆境
  • 检查和重构思维
  • 练习感恩和换位思考

3. 控制的二分法对保持理智至关重要

有些事情在我们的掌控之中,有些事情则超出我们的掌控。我们能掌控的是信念、冲动、欲望、厌恶,总之,任何依赖于我们的事情。超出我们掌控的是身体、财产、声誉、职位,总之,任何不完全属于我们事务的事情。

专注于你能控制的事情。 斯多葛的控制二分法教导我们应该将精力集中在我们能直接影响的事情上——我们的思想、行动和态度,而不是外部事件或他人的意见。

在霸凌情况下,你能控制的事情:

  • 你对挑衅的反应
  • 你记录事件的努力
  • 你寻求支持或法律建议的决定
  • 你保持正直的承诺

放下你无法控制的事情:

  • 他人的行为或意见
  • 组织政治
  • 事件的最终结果

4. 认识到没有你的同意,霸凌者无法夺走你的东西

他们可以阻止你的工作在工作场所得到公正对待,他们可以将你排除在你曾经擅长的角色之外,他们可以将这一切呈现为某种应得的(或者在煤气灯效应下否认这一切的发生)。但他们不能强迫你做、说或想任何你认为不正确、不合适或不真实的事情。

保持你的正直。 霸凌者可能会攻击你的声誉、工作和社会地位,但没有你的同意,他们无法夺走你的核心价值观、尊严或自我认知。

霸凌者无法夺走的东西:

  • 你的品格和个人正直
  • 你的技能和知识
  • 你在工作之外的关系
  • 你批判性思考和做出选择的能力

重拾你的主动权。 记住,你总是有权选择如何应对局势,即使你的选择有限。

5. 记录一切,但要谨慎对待确定性

当你记录在工作场所或在线上发生的威胁或羞辱你的事情时,你也需要非常小心地诚实评估你对这些事情的确定性。

保持详细记录。 记录所有霸凌或霸凌事件,包括日期、时间、地点、目击者以及具体行为或评论。

记录提示:

  • 使用非工作电脑或笔记本
  • 尽可能详细地记录
  • 保存任何相关的电子邮件、信息或其他证据
  • 记录你对每个事件的确定性程度

练习不急躁。 谨慎对待跳到结论或对模糊行为赋予明确动机。承认你对某些事情不确定。

6. 通过斯多葛练习管理负面情绪

对于斯多葛主义者来说,我们的情绪是由对超出我们控制的事物的依附所塑造的。同时,我们可以质疑这些信念,从而可能重塑我们的情感生活,使其变得更加快乐、自信和智慧。

情绪源于信念。 斯多葛主义教导我们,情绪不是对事件的直接反应,而是对这些事件的判断。

斯多葛情绪调节技巧:

  • 检查你对情况的信念
  • 质疑你的情绪反应是否适当
  • 练习重构负面事件
  • 使用自我疏离技巧(例如,以第二人称处理思维)

培养平静。 目标不是消除情绪,而是以更冷静和清晰的方式应对挑战。

7. 预先思考逆境以减少恐惧和焦虑

与其反复担心可能发生的事情,暗中希望它们不会发生,我们应该预先思考最坏的情况。

为最坏的情况做准备。 斯多葛的预先思考逆境练习涉及在心理上预演潜在的负面结果,以减少其心理影响。

预先思考的好处:

  • 减少对未来可能性的焦虑
  • 帮助你准备实际应对措施
  • 建立韧性和情绪准备

如何练习:

  1. 详细想象最坏的情况
  2. 考虑你会如何感受和应对
  3. 确定你可以使用的资源和策略
  4. 认识到你能应对的比你想象的更多

8. 决定是留下来斗争还是离开

职场霸凌总有一个尽头。当目标被困在其网中时,可能很难看到这一点。

评估你的选择。 仔细考虑是留在当前职位上与霸凌斗争,还是寻找其他机会。

需要考虑的因素:

  • 你的心理和身体健康
  • 财务影响
  • 职业前景
  • 支持系统
  • 法律选择

制定“B计划”。 制定一个安全计划,包括:

  • 更新简历和求职资源
  • 财务规划
  • 潜在推荐人
  • 技能发展机会

9. 如果采取法律行动,追求正义而非报复

记住,即使赢得程序正义,一个独立的听证会,你或你的代表可以提出你的案件,对于霸凌目标来说已经是一个巨大的胜利,因为一旦管理层支持霸凌者,通常会有很多力量联合起来对抗他们。

专注于公平。 如果你选择采取法律行动,保持专注于寻求正义和公平对待,而不是报复。

准备法律行动:

  • 收集所有相关文件
  • 咨询有经验的律师
  • 准备在诉讼过程中可能的再创伤
  • 对结果设定现实的期望

保持视角。 记住法律程序可能漫长且具有挑战性。专注于你的长期福祉和目标。

10. 通过斯多葛练习培养内在力量和自信

斯多葛智者不会像殉道者那样“咬牙坚持”。智者的微笑来自于他/她的信心,即命运和他人只能夺走他/她不需要的东西,而他/她所需要的一切都在他的掌控之中,或者至少可以通过努力培养。

培养斯多葛韧性。 定期练习斯多葛练习可以帮助建立内在力量和自信,以应对持续的挑战。

针对目标的关键斯多葛练习:

  • 早晚反思
  • 感恩练习
  • 换位思考练习
  • 自我疏离技巧

追求幸福。 斯多葛的目标不仅是忍受困难,而是通过培养智慧、公正、勇气和自制力在逆境中茁壮成长。

最后更新日期:

FAQ

What's "Stoicism, Bullying, and Beyond" about?

  • Overview: "Stoicism, Bullying, and Beyond" by Matthew Sharpe explores how Stoic philosophy can help individuals cope with workplace bullying and mobbing.
  • Focus: The book provides practical tools and insights from Stoicism to help targets of bullying maintain their mental and emotional well-being.
  • Structure: It includes case studies, historical examples, and Stoic exercises to guide readers through understanding and overcoming bullying.
  • Goal: The aim is to empower individuals to regain control over their lives and respond constructively to workplace challenges.

Why should I read "Stoicism, Bullying, and Beyond"?

  • Practical Guidance: The book offers actionable advice for dealing with workplace bullying, making it a valuable resource for anyone facing such challenges.
  • Philosophical Insights: It introduces readers to Stoic philosophy, providing a framework for resilience and emotional regulation.
  • Empowerment: By applying Stoic principles, readers can regain a sense of agency and dignity in difficult situations.
  • Comprehensive Approach: The book combines philosophical teachings with real-world applications, making it accessible and relevant.

What are the key takeaways of "Stoicism, Bullying, and Beyond"?

  • Dichotomy of Control: Focus on what is within your control and let go of what is not, to maintain peace of mind.
  • Virtue as the Only Good: Inner strength and character are more important than external circumstances for true happiness.
  • Emotional Regulation: Emotions are based on beliefs; by changing beliefs, you can change your emotional responses.
  • Practical Exercises: The book provides Stoic exercises to help manage stress, anxiety, and anger in the face of bullying.

How does Matthew Sharpe suggest using Stoicism to handle workplace bullying?

  • Understanding Stoicism: Sharpe explains Stoic principles like the dichotomy of control and the importance of virtue.
  • Practical Application: He offers exercises to help targets of bullying manage their emotions and regain control.
  • Case Studies: Real-life examples illustrate how Stoicism can be applied to overcome workplace challenges.
  • Empowerment: The book encourages readers to focus on their inner strengths and maintain their dignity despite external pressures.

What is the "dichotomy of control" in Stoicism, and how is it applied in the book?

  • Concept: The dichotomy of control distinguishes between what is within our control (thoughts, actions) and what is not (others' actions, external events).
  • Application: Sharpe advises focusing on internal responses rather than external circumstances to maintain emotional stability.
  • Practical Use: By applying this principle, targets of bullying can reduce stress and focus on constructive actions.
  • Empowerment: Understanding this concept helps individuals regain a sense of agency and control over their lives.

What are some Stoic exercises recommended in "Stoicism, Bullying, and Beyond"?

  • Morning Premeditation: Start the day by mentally preparing for potential challenges and reminding yourself of your inner strengths.
  • Evening Reflection: Review the day's events, assess your actions, and plan for improvement without self-criticism.
  • Premeditation of Adversities: Imagine worst-case scenarios to reduce fear and prepare for potential challenges.
  • Handling Insults: Use Stoic reasoning to depersonalize insults and maintain emotional balance.

How does "Stoicism, Bullying, and Beyond" address the emotional impact of bullying?

  • Emotional Awareness: The book emphasizes understanding the beliefs underlying emotions to manage them effectively.
  • Reframing Experiences: It encourages reframing negative experiences to reduce their emotional impact.
  • Practical Exercises: Stoic exercises help targets of bullying regulate emotions like anger, fear, and anxiety.
  • Support and Community: The book highlights the importance of seeking support and connecting with others who understand the experience.

What are the best quotes from "Stoicism, Bullying, and Beyond" and what do they mean?

  • "The best revenge is to be unlike the person who would harm you." This quote from Marcus Aurelius emphasizes maintaining one's integrity and character despite others' actions.
  • "If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you..." This line from Rudyard Kipling's poem "If" underscores the importance of staying calm and composed in challenging situations.
  • "Wherever it is possible to live, it is possible to live well." This Stoic principle suggests that happiness and fulfillment are possible regardless of external circumstances.
  • "Remember that benevolence is invincible." This quote highlights the power of kindness and goodwill in overcoming adversity.

How does Matthew Sharpe use case studies in the book?

  • Real-Life Examples: Sharpe includes case studies of individuals who have experienced workplace bullying to illustrate Stoic principles in action.
  • Learning from Others: These examples provide insights into how others have successfully navigated similar challenges.
  • Practical Application: The case studies demonstrate how Stoic exercises can be applied to real-world situations.
  • Empathy and Understanding: They help readers feel less isolated by showing that others have faced and overcome similar difficulties.

What is the "one-two punch" structure of mobbing described in the book?

  • First Punch: The initial aggression and undermining actions by colleagues or superiors.
  • Second Punch: The managerial enabling or tacit approval that compounds the target's difficulties.
  • Psychological Impact: This structure creates a sense of helplessness and isolation for the target.
  • Stoic Response: Understanding this structure helps targets focus on what they can control and seek appropriate support.

How does "Stoicism, Bullying, and Beyond" suggest handling insults and slights?

  • Depersonalization: Recognize that insults are external events and do not define your worth.
  • Reframing: Consider the source of the insult and whether it holds any truth or value.
  • Self-Reflection: Use insults as opportunities for self-improvement if they highlight genuine flaws.
  • Emotional Regulation: Apply Stoic reasoning to reduce the emotional impact of insults and maintain composure.

What role does community and support play in "Stoicism, Bullying, and Beyond"?

  • Importance of Connection: The book emphasizes the value of seeking support from friends, family, and professionals.
  • Shared Experiences: Connecting with others who have faced similar challenges can provide comfort and validation.
  • Counsel and Advice: Trusted individuals can offer valuable perspectives and guidance in difficult situations.
  • Building Resilience: A supportive community helps individuals maintain their strength and resilience in the face of adversity.

评论

4.29 满分 5
平均评分来自 10+ 来自Goodreads和亚马逊的评分.

《斯多葛主义、欺凌及其超越》获得了压倒性的好评,因其对职场欺凌策略和斯多葛应对策略的清晰解释而备受赞誉。读者认为这本书既贴近生活,又发人深省且实用,许多人欣赏其在处理困难情境时提供的及时建议。这本书因其易读性、有用的练习和富有同情心的语调而受到称赞。几位评论者提到,这本书帮助他们理解并克服了自己遭遇的欺凌经历,而其他人则推荐它作为应对职场挑战的宝贵资源。

Your rating:
4.54
20 评分

关于作者

马修·夏普是一位美国小说家和短篇小说作家,1962年出生。他在康涅狄格州长大,毕业于欧柏林学院,随后在哥伦比亚大学获得了艺术硕士学位。夏普创作了多部小说,包括《没有什么是可怕的》、《沉睡的父亲》、《詹姆斯敦》和《你错了》,以及一本短篇小说集。他的作品被翻译成多种语言,并在各种文学刊物上发表。夏普在卫斯理大学教授创意写作,并曾在哥伦比亚大学、巴德学院和佛罗里达新学院等机构任教。他从十岁开始写小说,并将山姆·谢泼德视为对其写作生涯有重大影响的人。

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