10 Rules for Resilience

1. Embrace discomfort to build true resilience

True resilience develops from a body and mind that have been carved out of challenge and failure.

Comfort is the enemy of growth. True resilience is the ability to not only withstand adversity but to use it as a catalyst for personal development. It's about embracing discomfort and pushing through challenges, rather than avoiding them. This kind of resilience is built through:

• Voluntary exposure to difficult situations
• Practicing delayed gratification
• Overcoming self-imposed limitations

By consistently choosing the hard path over the easy one, you develop the mental and physical fortitude to handle life's inevitable challenges. This approach to building resilience applies not just to adults, but to children as well. Encouraging kids to face and overcome obstacles helps them develop the grit and determination they'll need throughout life.

2. Overcome self-imposed limitations and learn delayed gratification

How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.

Break big goals into small steps. Overcoming self-imposed limitations starts with recognizing and challenging the stories we tell ourselves about what we can and cannot do. The key is to:

• Identify limiting beliefs
• Take small, consistent actions towards your goals
• Celebrate progress, no matter how small

Learning delayed gratification is crucial for long-term success. The famous "marshmallow experiment" demonstrated that children who could resist immediate rewards for greater future benefits tended to have better life outcomes. To cultivate this skill:

• Practice waiting for rewards
• Set long-term goals and work towards them consistently
• Teach children the value of patience and perseverance

3. Eliminate excuses and commit to a no-bullshit lifestyle

You have two options when you face an unexpected obstacle. You can put your head down and shut out the world, pretend that difficult roadblock isn't there, or you can rise, look up, and take those obstacles head-on.

Action trumps excuses. A no-bullshit lifestyle means taking responsibility for your actions and outcomes, rather than making excuses or blaming external factors. This approach involves:

• Recognizing and eliminating self-sabotaging behaviors
• Focusing on solutions rather than problems
• Being honest with yourself and others about your capabilities and limitations

By committing to this mindset, you create a foundation for personal growth and achievement. It's about facing reality head-on and taking decisive action, even when it's uncomfortable or challenging.

4. Live your values and create a family vision statement

As a family, we . . .

Define your family's core values. Creating a family vision statement helps align everyone's goals and priorities. It serves as a guide for decision-making and behavior. To create an effective vision statement:

1. Gather the whole family and brainstorm shared values
2. Discuss and define what's truly important to your family
3. Craft a concise statement that reflects these values
4. Display the statement prominently and refer to it often

Living your values means more than just talking about them – it requires consistent action and modeling the behavior you want to see in your children. This approach helps create a strong family identity and provides a framework for navigating life's challenges together.

5. Fail forward and cultivate a growth mindset

When we overprotect children, we harm them. We make it far more likely that those children will be unable to cope with such events when they leave our protective umbrella.

Embrace failure as a learning opportunity. Developing a growth mindset means viewing challenges and failures as opportunities for growth rather than as fixed limitations. This mindset is crucial for building resilience and achieving long-term success. To cultivate a growth mindset:

• Encourage effort over outcome
• Praise the process, not just the result
• Teach children to view mistakes as learning experiences

Failing forward means using setbacks as stepping stones to improvement. By reframing failure as a necessary part of growth, you can build the confidence and resilience needed to tackle bigger challenges and achieve your goals.

6. Establish a daily routine for success and model good behavior

Routine is difficult to establish in the best of times. So what happens when shit hits the fan?

Consistency is key. A well-structured daily routine provides the framework for building discipline, achieving goals, and managing stress. To create an effective routine:

• Set consistent wake-up and bedtime hours
• Include time for physical activity, self-care, and personal growth
• Be flexible enough to adapt to unexpected challenges

Modeling good behavior is crucial, especially for parents. Children learn more from what you do than what you say. By consistently demonstrating the habits and values you want to instill, you create a powerful example for your children to follow.

7. Develop discipline and responsibility through consistent action

External discipline eventually goes inside children and becomes self-discipline.

Actions build character. Discipline and responsibility are essential traits for success in all areas of life. These qualities are developed through consistent practice and reinforcement. To foster discipline and responsibility:

• Assign age-appropriate chores and tasks
• Hold children accountable for their commitments
• Teach the value of hard work and delayed gratification

By consistently following through on commitments and taking responsibility for your actions, you build the self-discipline needed to achieve long-term goals and overcome obstacles.

8. Reconnect with nature and prioritize physical activity

The best gym is the natural world.

Nature is a powerful teacher. Spending time in nature and engaging in regular physical activity are crucial for both physical and mental well-being. The benefits include:

• Reduced stress and anxiety
• Improved cognitive function
• Enhanced physical fitness and resilience

To incorporate more nature and physical activity into your life:

• Plan regular outdoor activities for the whole family
• Limit screen time and encourage active play
• Use nature as a classroom for learning and personal growth

By prioritizing connection with the natural world and regular physical activity, you build a stronger, more resilient body and mind.

9. Face your fears and nurture raw courage in yourself and your children

Fear is just a feeling. And all feelings are just emotions, not facts that are set in stone.

Courage is action in the face of fear. Developing raw courage means learning to act despite fear, rather than trying to eliminate fear altogether. To nurture courage in yourself and your children:

• Acknowledge and name fears
• Encourage facing challenges head-on
• Celebrate acts of bravery, no matter how small

Teaching children to manage their fears and take courageous action builds resilience and self-confidence. By modeling courageous behavior and providing opportunities for children to face their fears in a supportive environment, you help them develop the emotional tools they'll need to navigate life's challenges.

Last updated: August 9, 2024