A Better Way to Teach Kids About Sex

1. Open communication about sexuality fosters healthy development

"The goal of this book is to raise children who are both sexually pure and sexually prepared."

Create a safe environment. Parents should establish an open, accepting atmosphere where children feel comfortable discussing sexuality. This involves using correct anatomical terms, answering questions honestly, and initiating age-appropriate conversations about sexual development. Regular, ongoing dialogue helps children develop healthy attitudes about their bodies and sexuality.

Be proactive, not reactive. Rather than waiting for problems to arise, parents should anticipate their children's needs and questions. This "pre-arming" approach provides children with knowledge and skills to navigate sexual development before they encounter challenges. Discuss topics like puberty, relationships, and sexual safety early and often.

Tailor the approach. Recognize that each child has unique needs based on age, temperament, and experiences. Some children may be more reserved about sexuality, while others are more curious or expressive. Adjust communication styles and content accordingly, always maintaining an atmosphere of love and acceptance.

2. Puberty is a time of celebration and growth, not shame

"Puberty is an amazing biological process that is triggered in the body and prepares young men and women to bear children."

Reframe the narrative. Instead of treating puberty as an awkward or embarrassing phase, present it as an exciting milestone in a child's development. Emphasize the wonder of how bodies change and grow, connecting these changes to the ability to one day create life.

Provide accurate information. Educate children about the physical, emotional, and social changes they can expect during puberty. This includes discussing:

• Growth spurts and body changes
• Development of secondary sex characteristics
• Menstruation and nocturnal emissions
• Mood swings and emotional intensity
• Changing social dynamics and attractions

Celebrate milestones. Consider creating family traditions or rituals to mark important puberty milestones, such as a first menstrual period or voice change. This reinforces the positive, natural aspects of sexual development and opens the door for ongoing conversations.

3. Positive body image is crucial for sexual wholeness

"People who are ashamed of their bodies have a very difficult time freely enjoying the intimacy, nudity, and vulnerability that are a part of healthy sexual expression."

Foster appreciation. Help children develop gratitude for their bodies' capabilities and uniqueness. Emphasize function over form, celebrating what bodies can do rather than just how they look. Encourage physical activities that promote body confidence and competence.

Counter cultural messages. Teach children to critically evaluate media portrayals of bodies and beauty standards. Discuss how images are often manipulated and unrealistic. Provide examples of diverse, healthy bodies to expand their understanding of normal and beautiful.

Model self-acceptance. Parents should be mindful of how they talk about their own bodies and others'. Avoid negative self-talk or criticism of physical appearance. Instead, demonstrate appreciation for health, strength, and individuality in body types.

4. Modesty encompasses thoughts, behaviors, and dress

"Modesty really encompasses how we feel, think, and behave."

Expand the definition. Move beyond focusing solely on clothing choices to discuss modesty as a way of life. This includes:

• Humility in thoughts and actions
• Respect for oneself and others
• Appropriate boundaries in relationships
• Mindful use of social media and technology

Emphasize personal worth. Teach children that their value comes from their divine nature, not external appearance or others' approval. This helps them make choices about dress and behavior based on self-respect rather than societal pressure.

Apply to both genders. Ensure that modesty teachings apply equally to boys and girls. Avoid placing undue responsibility on one gender for others' thoughts or actions. Instead, focus on personal integrity and respect for all.

5. Self-touching is common; address it with love and guidance

"Masturbation is very common for both men and women and for children of all ages."

Normalize without encouraging. Acknowledge that self-exploration and arousal are natural parts of sexual development. Avoid shaming or punishing children for these behaviors, as this can lead to long-term sexual issues. Instead, calmly redirect young children and have age-appropriate discussions with older ones.

Teach self-control. Help children understand that while sexual feelings are normal and good, they need to learn to manage them appropriately. Discuss strategies for dealing with sexual urges, such as distraction, physical activity, or prayer.

Focus on the positive. Rather than dwelling on the negatives of self-touching, emphasize the beauty and sacredness of sexuality within marriage. Help children develop a vision of sexual wholeness that motivates them to make good choices.

6. Pornography harms relationships and distorts expectations

"Pornography can harm our children in three main ways that hurt their chances of having a loving and lasting marriage in the future."

Educate about risks. Discuss how pornography:

• Creates unrealistic expectations about bodies and sexual experiences
• Objectifies people and reduces them to sexual objects
• Can become addictive and interfere with real relationships
• Often involves exploitation and abuse of performers

Provide alternatives. Help children develop healthy ways to understand and express their sexuality. This includes fostering good relationships, pursuing hobbies and interests, and developing emotional intelligence.

Implement safeguards. Use appropriate internet filters and monitoring software. More importantly, teach children to be critical consumers of media and to make wise choices about what they view.

7. Same-sex attraction requires compassion and understanding

"It is possible to be a healthy, happy, and secure individual who is attracted to others of the same sex and be worthy of all the blessings of the gospel."

Separate attraction from behavior. Help children understand that feelings of attraction are not sinful, but sexual behavior outside of heterosexual marriage is discouraged. Emphasize that everyone is loved by God regardless of their attractions.

Promote acceptance. Foster an environment of love and support for all family members, regardless of sexual orientation. Avoid language or attitudes that could make a child feel rejected or less valued if they experience same-sex attraction.

Seek support. If a child discloses same-sex attraction, parents should educate themselves and seek appropriate resources. This may include counseling, support groups, or guidance from church leaders who understand these issues.

8. Healthy dating promotes maturity and sexual restraint

"Too many young people today have boyfriends and girlfriends before they have had boy friends and girl friends."

Encourage friendship first. Promote mixed-gender group activities and friendships in early adolescence. This helps develop social skills and comfort with the opposite sex without the pressure of romantic relationships.

Teach dating principles. As children approach dating age, discuss:

• The purpose of dating (getting to know others, having fun, preparing for marriage)
• Appropriate behaviors and boundaries
• The importance of mutual respect and consent
• How to handle rejection and disappointment

Address physical intimacy. Have open conversations about sexual feelings and behaviors in dating relationships. Emphasize the emotional and spiritual aspects of intimacy, not just physical acts. Help children understand why sexual restraint before marriage is valuable and how it contributes to future relationship success.

Last updated: November 18, 2024