Cleaning House

1. Recognize and combat youth entitlement through meaningful work

"I think I'm raising little socialists," I said, "the serve-me kind that are numb to the benefits of ingenuity and hard work, the kind that don't just need to be taken care of—they expect it."

Entitlement epidemic. Youth entitlement has become a widespread issue in modern society, with children expecting to be catered to without understanding the value of hard work. This mindset can lead to a lack of initiative, problem-solving skills, and personal responsibility.

Meaningful work as antidote. Introducing children to meaningful work and responsibilities can combat entitlement by:

• Developing a sense of accomplishment and self-worth
• Teaching the value of effort and perseverance
• Fostering independence and self-reliance
• Preparing them for real-world challenges and expectations

2. Start with small tasks to build responsibility and confidence

"A child will jump only as high as the bar is set. But he will jump. He just needs the bar to be set until the day he can do that for himself too."

Gradual introduction. Begin by assigning small, manageable tasks to children, gradually increasing complexity and responsibility over time. This approach allows kids to:

• Build confidence through successful completion of tasks
• Develop a sense of competence and capability
• Learn time management and organizational skills

Examples of starter tasks:

• Making their bed daily
• Keeping their room tidy
• Setting the table for meals
• Helping with simple food preparation
• Caring for pets

3. Teach kids essential life skills through household chores

"I came to realize that not one of my five children knew how to do their own laundry. Not one could clean a bathroom—I mean, really clean it. Not one could cook, serve, and clean up after a full dinner."

Life skills gap. Many children lack basic life skills necessary for independent living, often due to well-intentioned parents doing everything for them.

Household chores as learning opportunities. Assigning household chores teaches valuable life skills such as:

• Cooking and meal planning
• Laundry and clothing care
• Cleaning and home maintenance
• Time management and organization
• Financial responsibility (through allowances tied to chores)

By involving children in these tasks, parents prepare them for future independence and self-sufficiency.

4. Empower children by allowing them to face challenges

"Do I love them enough to let them fail? to make them work? to require them to fly on their own even if it results in some unattractive, possibly embarrassing maneuvers?"

Overprotection pitfalls. Shielding children from all difficulties can lead to:

• Lack of resilience and problem-solving skills
• Decreased self-confidence
• Inability to handle real-world challenges

Controlled exposure to challenges. Allow children to face age-appropriate difficulties:

• Encourage problem-solving without immediate parental intervention
• Let them experience natural consequences of their actions
• Provide support and guidance without taking over

This approach helps build resilience, adaptability, and confidence in their abilities to overcome obstacles.

5. Foster teamwork and collaboration within the family

"Self-organizing teams tend to focus less on the individual performance and more on the group."

Family as a team. Treat the family as a collaborative unit where everyone has a role to play in its success. This approach:

• Develops a sense of belonging and importance
• Teaches cooperation and compromise
• Prepares children for future team environments in school and work

Collaborative activities:

• Family projects (e.g., garage cleanout, yard work)
• Meal planning and preparation
• Organizing family events or outings
• Problem-solving family issues together

Encourage children to take on different roles and responsibilities within these activities to develop diverse skills and appreciate others' contributions.

6. Encourage service to others to develop empathy and perspective

"Anytime I can get the kids' minds off themselves provides a much-needed reality check about the things that matter most—an imperative during the drama-infused tween and teen years."

Service combats self-centeredness. Engaging in service activities helps children:

• Develop empathy and compassion
• Gain perspective on their own lives and privileges
• Build a sense of community and social responsibility
• Boost self-esteem through meaningful contributions

Service opportunities:

• Volunteering at local charities or food banks
• Participating in community clean-up events
• Helping elderly neighbors with tasks
• Raising funds for causes they care about
• Donating toys or clothes to those in need

Regularly involving children in service activities cultivates a lifelong habit of giving back to their community.

7. Balance parental guidance with allowing independence

"I'm learning to lean harder into God and continually let go of my desire to determine the outcome, especially as it relates to the nearly nonexistent handyman tasks for this month."

Parental struggle. Many parents find it challenging to balance the desire to protect and guide their children with the need to foster independence.

Gradual release of control:

• Start with small, low-risk decisions and tasks
• Provide guidance and support without taking over
• Allow natural consequences (within reason) to serve as teachers
• Celebrate successes and learn from failures together

This approach helps children develop decision-making skills, self-reliance, and confidence while maintaining a supportive parental relationship.

8. Embrace failure as a learning opportunity

"Attempts followed by failure pepper the background of most successful people. Those challenges gave them perspective, tenacity, and a huge dose of reality."

Failure's benefits. Experiencing failure can:

• Teach resilience and perseverance
• Develop problem-solving skills
• Build character and emotional strength
• Provide valuable lessons for future success

Healthy approach to failure:

• Encourage risk-taking in safe environments
• Help children analyze what went wrong and how to improve
• Share personal stories of overcoming failures
• Celebrate effort and learning, not just outcomes

By reframing failure as a natural part of growth and learning, parents can help children develop a growth mindset and greater resilience.

9. Nurture self-esteem through accomplishment, not empty praise

"Happiness does not come with more stuff. But life has got to be about experiences, not about accumulating things."

Pitfalls of empty praise. Constant, unearned praise can lead to:

• Inflated self-esteem not backed by real accomplishments
• Difficulty handling criticism or setbacks
• Lack of motivation to improve or try new things

Building genuine self-esteem:

• Encourage effort and perseverance
• Celebrate real achievements and progress
• Provide specific, honest feedback
• Create opportunities for children to challenge themselves

By focusing on accomplishment and personal growth rather than material possessions or hollow compliments, parents can help children develop a strong, authentic sense of self-worth based on their abilities and character.

Last updated: August 23, 2024