Habits of the Household

1. Habits shape family culture and spiritual formation

We become our habits, and our kids become us.

Habits as liturgies. Family habits are not just routines, but liturgies that shape our hearts and minds. They form us spiritually, often without our awareness. By intentionally choosing habits aligned with gospel values, we can create a household culture that nurtures faith and character.

Power of repetition. Small, consistent actions have a profound cumulative effect over time. Daily practices like prayer, expressing gratitude, or serving others become ingrained and shape family identity. Parents should view mundane moments as opportunities for spiritual formation.

• Key areas for habit formation:
  • Morning routines
  • Mealtimes
  • Technology use
  • Discipline approaches
  • Bedtime rituals

2. Mealtimes are critical for family bonding and conversation

The family that wants to become friends needs to take rhythms of food and conversation seriously.

Shared meals build connection. Regular family dinners provide a consistent space for meaningful interaction. They allow family members to share experiences, express emotions, and develop empathy. The ritual of coming together around food creates a sense of belonging and stability.

Conversation skills develop. Mealtimes offer natural opportunities to practice listening, turn-taking, and respectful disagreement. Parents can model and teach these skills through intentional questions and attentive responses. Over time, children learn to engage in deeper discussions and express themselves clearly.

• Mealtime conversation starters:
  • "What was the best part of your day?"
  • "What's something you learned recently?"
  • "If you could change one thing in the world, what would it be?"

3. Discipline is an opportunity for discipleship and reconciliation

Discipline, when it becomes discipleship, is something worth practicing and crying over, laughing and hugging over, and something worth cheering for too.

Beyond behavior management. Effective discipline focuses on heart change rather than mere compliance. It seeks to guide children toward understanding their motivations and making wise choices. Parents should approach discipline as a teaching opportunity, not just punishment.

Reconciliation as the goal. The discipline process should always end with restored relationship. This mirrors God's grace and teaches children that love is unconditional. Practices like sincere apologies, forgiveness, and physical affection (e.g., a hug) reinforce the permanence of family bonds despite conflicts.

• Steps in a discipleship-focused approach:
  1. Establish loving authority
  2. Seek understanding through questions
  3. Help the child identify heart issues
  4. Guide toward repentance and reconciliation
  5. Affirm love and relationship

4. Screentime requires intentional curation and limits

If we do not teach our kids about sex, screens will be happy to do it for us.

Active management is crucial. Parents must take charge of their family's technology use rather than defaulting to cultural norms. This involves setting clear boundaries, choosing quality content, and modeling healthy habits. The goal is to harness technology's benefits while mitigating its risks.

Formation, not isolation. Rather than banning screens entirely, focus on teaching discernment and self-control. Engage with media alongside children, discussing its messages and values. Create alternatives to screentime that foster creativity, physical activity, and face-to-face interaction.

• Strategies for healthy tech use:
  • Designate screen-free times and zones
  • Preview and discuss content together
  • Encourage creative and educational apps/programs
  • Balance screentime with outdoor play and reading

5. Family devotions build spiritual foundations through simple practices

Moving from nothing to something.

Start small and consistent. Regular family devotions don't need to be elaborate or lengthy. Simple practices like reading a Bible story, discussing a verse, or praying together can have a profound impact when done consistently. The key is to establish a rhythm that works for your family.

Embrace imperfection. Family devotions will often be messy, interrupted, and seemingly unproductive. This is normal and even valuable, as it teaches children that relating to God is part of everyday life, not just formal religious settings. Parents should model authenticity and perseverance in spiritual practices.

• Elements to include in family devotions:
  • Scripture reading (age-appropriate)
  • Brief discussion or application
  • Prayer (allowing children to participate)
  • Worship through song or creative expression

6. Marriage is the bedrock of a healthy household

We cannot be the lovers of God and neighbor we are called to be without examining the habits of the household.

Prioritize the marital relationship. A strong marriage provides stability and security for children. Regular date nights, intentional communication, and displays of affection demonstrate the importance of the spousal bond. This modeling teaches children about healthy relationships and commitment.

Unite in parenting approach. Couples should work to align their parenting philosophies and present a united front to children. Regular "parenting check-ins" allow for discussion of challenges, celebration of successes, and adjustment of strategies. This collaboration strengthens both the marriage and the family unit.

• Ways to nurture marriage within family life:
  • Establish a weekly date night
  • Express appreciation daily
  • Resolve conflicts respectfully
  • Support each other's individual growth

7. Work and play teach children about purpose and joy

We are invited into the work of the God who loves us.

Dignity of work. Help children understand that work is a gift from God, allowing us to contribute to the world. Involve them in household chores and explain the purpose behind different types of work. This cultivates a strong work ethic and sense of responsibility.

Power of play. Unstructured playtime nurtures creativity, problem-solving skills, and joy. It also provides opportunities for children to process emotions and experiences. Parents should create space for free play and occasionally join in, modeling the balance between work and recreation.

• Ways to integrate work and play:
  • Assign age-appropriate household tasks
  • Discuss parents' work and its impact
  • Schedule regular family game nights
  • Encourage outdoor exploration and imaginative play

8. Conversation heals trauma and builds relationships

Conversation heals trauma.

Create safe spaces for sharing. Regular one-on-one time with each child provides opportunities for deeper conversations. This might involve car rides, bedtime talks, or special outings. The goal is to create an environment where children feel comfortable expressing their thoughts and emotions.

Practice active listening. When children share, give them your full attention. Ask follow-up questions, validate their feelings, and avoid rushing to problem-solve. This builds trust and teaches them how to engage in meaningful dialogue. Over time, these conversations become a source of comfort and guidance.

• Conversation-building techniques:
  • Use open-ended questions
  • Reflect back what you hear
  • Share your own experiences (age-appropriately)
  • Respect privacy and confidentiality

9. Bedtime rituals reinforce love and spiritual truths

Our habits won't change God's love for us, but God's love for us can and should change our habits.

End the day with grace. Bedtime provides a natural opportunity to reinforce core truths about God's love and forgiveness. Simple blessings or prayers can become powerful reminders of a child's identity and worth. These rituals create a sense of security and spiritual grounding.

Flexibility within structure. While consistency is important, bedtime routines should adapt to different moods and situations. Having a variety of short blessings or prayer formats allows for customization while maintaining the core practice. This teaches children that connecting with God can happen in many ways.

• Examples of bedtime blessings:
  • Affirmations of God's unconditional love
  • Gratitude for specific events of the day
  • Brief prayers for protection and peace
  • Physical touch (hugs, hand on forehead) with spoken blessing

Last updated: September 12, 2024