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Habits of the Household

Habits of the Household

Practicing the Story of God in Everyday Family Rhythms
by Justin Whitmel Earley 2021 226 pages
4.60
16k+ ratings
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Key Takeaways

1. Habits shape family culture and spiritual formation

We become our habits, and our kids become us.

Habits as liturgies. Family habits are not just routines, but liturgies that shape our hearts and minds. They form us spiritually, often without our awareness. By intentionally choosing habits aligned with gospel values, we can create a household culture that nurtures faith and character.

Power of repetition. Small, consistent actions have a profound cumulative effect over time. Daily practices like prayer, expressing gratitude, or serving others become ingrained and shape family identity. Parents should view mundane moments as opportunities for spiritual formation.

  • Key areas for habit formation:
    • Morning routines
    • Mealtimes
    • Technology use
    • Discipline approaches
    • Bedtime rituals

2. Mealtimes are critical for family bonding and conversation

The family that wants to become friends needs to take rhythms of food and conversation seriously.

Shared meals build connection. Regular family dinners provide a consistent space for meaningful interaction. They allow family members to share experiences, express emotions, and develop empathy. The ritual of coming together around food creates a sense of belonging and stability.

Conversation skills develop. Mealtimes offer natural opportunities to practice listening, turn-taking, and respectful disagreement. Parents can model and teach these skills through intentional questions and attentive responses. Over time, children learn to engage in deeper discussions and express themselves clearly.

  • Mealtime conversation starters:
    • "What was the best part of your day?"
    • "What's something you learned recently?"
    • "If you could change one thing in the world, what would it be?"

3. Discipline is an opportunity for discipleship and reconciliation

Discipline, when it becomes discipleship, is something worth practicing and crying over, laughing and hugging over, and something worth cheering for too.

Beyond behavior management. Effective discipline focuses on heart change rather than mere compliance. It seeks to guide children toward understanding their motivations and making wise choices. Parents should approach discipline as a teaching opportunity, not just punishment.

Reconciliation as the goal. The discipline process should always end with restored relationship. This mirrors God's grace and teaches children that love is unconditional. Practices like sincere apologies, forgiveness, and physical affection (e.g., a hug) reinforce the permanence of family bonds despite conflicts.

  • Steps in a discipleship-focused approach:
    1. Establish loving authority
    2. Seek understanding through questions
    3. Help the child identify heart issues
    4. Guide toward repentance and reconciliation
    5. Affirm love and relationship

4. Screentime requires intentional curation and limits

If we do not teach our kids about sex, screens will be happy to do it for us.

Active management is crucial. Parents must take charge of their family's technology use rather than defaulting to cultural norms. This involves setting clear boundaries, choosing quality content, and modeling healthy habits. The goal is to harness technology's benefits while mitigating its risks.

Formation, not isolation. Rather than banning screens entirely, focus on teaching discernment and self-control. Engage with media alongside children, discussing its messages and values. Create alternatives to screentime that foster creativity, physical activity, and face-to-face interaction.

  • Strategies for healthy tech use:
    • Designate screen-free times and zones
    • Preview and discuss content together
    • Encourage creative and educational apps/programs
    • Balance screentime with outdoor play and reading

5. Family devotions build spiritual foundations through simple practices

Moving from nothing to something.

Start small and consistent. Regular family devotions don't need to be elaborate or lengthy. Simple practices like reading a Bible story, discussing a verse, or praying together can have a profound impact when done consistently. The key is to establish a rhythm that works for your family.

Embrace imperfection. Family devotions will often be messy, interrupted, and seemingly unproductive. This is normal and even valuable, as it teaches children that relating to God is part of everyday life, not just formal religious settings. Parents should model authenticity and perseverance in spiritual practices.

  • Elements to include in family devotions:
    • Scripture reading (age-appropriate)
    • Brief discussion or application
    • Prayer (allowing children to participate)
    • Worship through song or creative expression

6. Marriage is the bedrock of a healthy household

We cannot be the lovers of God and neighbor we are called to be without examining the habits of the household.

Prioritize the marital relationship. A strong marriage provides stability and security for children. Regular date nights, intentional communication, and displays of affection demonstrate the importance of the spousal bond. This modeling teaches children about healthy relationships and commitment.

Unite in parenting approach. Couples should work to align their parenting philosophies and present a united front to children. Regular "parenting check-ins" allow for discussion of challenges, celebration of successes, and adjustment of strategies. This collaboration strengthens both the marriage and the family unit.

  • Ways to nurture marriage within family life:
    • Establish a weekly date night
    • Express appreciation daily
    • Resolve conflicts respectfully
    • Support each other's individual growth

7. Work and play teach children about purpose and joy

We are invited into the work of the God who loves us.

Dignity of work. Help children understand that work is a gift from God, allowing us to contribute to the world. Involve them in household chores and explain the purpose behind different types of work. This cultivates a strong work ethic and sense of responsibility.

Power of play. Unstructured playtime nurtures creativity, problem-solving skills, and joy. It also provides opportunities for children to process emotions and experiences. Parents should create space for free play and occasionally join in, modeling the balance between work and recreation.

  • Ways to integrate work and play:
    • Assign age-appropriate household tasks
    • Discuss parents' work and its impact
    • Schedule regular family game nights
    • Encourage outdoor exploration and imaginative play

8. Conversation heals trauma and builds relationships

Conversation heals trauma.

Create safe spaces for sharing. Regular one-on-one time with each child provides opportunities for deeper conversations. This might involve car rides, bedtime talks, or special outings. The goal is to create an environment where children feel comfortable expressing their thoughts and emotions.

Practice active listening. When children share, give them your full attention. Ask follow-up questions, validate their feelings, and avoid rushing to problem-solve. This builds trust and teaches them how to engage in meaningful dialogue. Over time, these conversations become a source of comfort and guidance.

  • Conversation-building techniques:
    • Use open-ended questions
    • Reflect back what you hear
    • Share your own experiences (age-appropriately)
    • Respect privacy and confidentiality

9. Bedtime rituals reinforce love and spiritual truths

Our habits won't change God's love for us, but God's love for us can and should change our habits.

End the day with grace. Bedtime provides a natural opportunity to reinforce core truths about God's love and forgiveness. Simple blessings or prayers can become powerful reminders of a child's identity and worth. These rituals create a sense of security and spiritual grounding.

Flexibility within structure. While consistency is important, bedtime routines should adapt to different moods and situations. Having a variety of short blessings or prayer formats allows for customization while maintaining the core practice. This teaches children that connecting with God can happen in many ways.

  • Examples of bedtime blessings:
    • Affirmations of God's unconditional love
    • Gratitude for specific events of the day
    • Brief prayers for protection and peace
    • Physical touch (hugs, hand on forehead) with spoken blessing

Last updated:

FAQ

What's "Habits of the Household" about?

  • Focus on Family Rhythms: "Habits of the Household" by Justin Whitmel Earley explores how everyday family routines can be transformed into meaningful spiritual practices.
  • Integration of Faith: The book emphasizes integrating the story of God into daily family life, turning ordinary moments into opportunities for spiritual growth.
  • Practical Guidance: It provides practical advice on establishing habits that align with Christian values, aiming to shape both parents and children in their faith journey.
  • Generational Impact: Earley discusses the long-term impact of these habits, suggesting they can have profound generational and eternal ramifications.

Why should I read "Habits of the Household"?

  • Transformative Potential: The book offers hope for transforming family life through intentional habits that reflect the gospel.
  • Relatable and Practical: It addresses common family challenges, providing relatable examples and practical solutions without being prescriptive or guilt-inducing.
  • Spiritual Formation: Readers will gain insights into how daily routines can serve as spiritual disciplines, fostering a deeper connection with God.
  • Encouragement for Parents: It encourages parents to embrace their role as primary spiritual guides, offering tools to disciple their children effectively.

What are the key takeaways of "Habits of the Household"?

  • Habits as Liturgies: Daily routines are seen as liturgies that shape the spiritual life of the family, emphasizing the importance of intentionality.
  • Role of Parents: Parents are encouraged to view themselves as disciples first, whose spiritual growth directly impacts their children's formation.
  • Importance of Repetition: The book highlights that formation requires repetition, suggesting that consistent habits lead to lasting change.
  • Community and Hospitality: It stresses the importance of extending family rhythms to include hospitality, inviting others into the household's spiritual practices.

How does Justin Whitmel Earley suggest integrating faith into daily family life?

  • Morning Routines: Start the day with short prayers or Scripture readings to set a spiritual tone.
  • Mealtime Conversations: Use meals as opportunities for meaningful conversations and gratitude, reinforcing family bonds.
  • Bedtime Blessings: End the day with blessings or prayers, creating a sense of security and love.
  • Screen Time Management: Establish limits on screen time to encourage more family interaction and spiritual engagement.

What are some specific habits recommended in "Habits of the Household"?

  • Kneeling Prayer: Begin the day with a short kneeling prayer to focus on God's presence.
  • Family Devotions: Set aside a regular time for family devotions, even if it's brief and informal.
  • Gathering and Sending: Incorporate a moment of gathering and sending, such as a morning prayer, to start the day with purpose.
  • Bedtime Liturgies: Use bedtime as a time for blessings and affirmations, reinforcing God's love and presence.

How does "Habits of the Household" address the challenges of modern parenting?

  • Acknowledges Complexity: The book recognizes the complexities and demands of modern family life, offering realistic solutions.
  • Focus on Grace: It emphasizes grace over perfection, encouraging parents to embrace their imperfections and rely on God's strength.
  • Practical Examples: Provides practical examples and anecdotes that resonate with parents facing similar challenges.
  • Encouragement and Hope: Offers encouragement and hope, reminding parents of the eternal significance of their role.

What role does community play in "Habits of the Household"?

  • Extended Household Concept: The book expands the idea of family to include a broader household, emphasizing community involvement.
  • Hospitality as a Habit: Encourages families to practice hospitality, inviting others into their rhythms and sharing their spiritual journey.
  • Support and Accountability: Highlights the importance of community for support and accountability in maintaining spiritual habits.
  • Intergenerational Impact: Suggests that community involvement can have a positive intergenerational impact, strengthening faith across ages.

How does "Habits of the Household" redefine discipline?

  • Discipline as Discipleship: Discipline is reframed as a form of discipleship, focusing on guiding children's hearts rather than controlling behavior.
  • Pyramid of Discipline: Introduces a pyramid model that emphasizes loving authority, understanding, and reconciliation.
  • Heart-Centered Approach: Encourages parents to seek understanding and address the heart issues behind misbehavior.
  • Reconciliation Focus: Stresses the importance of ending discipline with reconciliation, reinforcing love and forgiveness.

What are the best quotes from "Habits of the Household" and what do they mean?

  • "The family is God’s primary discipleship plan." This quote emphasizes the central role of the family in spiritual formation and discipleship.
  • "There is no formation without repetition." Highlights the importance of consistent habits in shaping character and faith.
  • "Our habits won’t change God’s love for us, but God’s love for us can and should change our habits." Reminds readers that while habits are important, they are a response to God's unconditional love.
  • "The heart always follows the habit." Suggests that the routines we establish have a profound impact on our spiritual and emotional lives.

How does "Habits of the Household" suggest managing screen time?

  • Set Rhythms: Establish specific times for screen use, such as family movie nights, to create predictable patterns.
  • Encourage Alternatives: Promote activities that engage creativity and interaction, reducing reliance on screens.
  • Parental Involvement: Encourage parents to be involved in media choices, guiding children toward content that aligns with family values.
  • Screen Sabbaths: Implement regular screen-free days to foster family connection and spiritual reflection.

How does "Habits of the Household" address the concept of work?

  • Work as Worship: Encourages viewing work as a form of worship and service, reflecting God's creative nature.
  • Involve Children: Suggests involving children in household tasks to teach the value and satisfaction of work.
  • Balance with Rest: Emphasizes the importance of balancing work with rest, modeling a healthy rhythm for children.
  • Conversations about Work: Recommends discussing the purpose and joy of work with children, helping them understand its significance.

What is the significance of bedtime routines in "Habits of the Household"?

  • End with Blessings: Bedtime is seen as an opportunity to end the day with blessings, reinforcing God's love and presence.
  • Create Security: Establishing a consistent bedtime routine provides children with a sense of security and stability.
  • Reflect on the Day: Encourages using bedtime to reflect on the day, fostering gratitude and spiritual growth.
  • Opportunity for Connection: Bedtime routines offer a chance for meaningful connection and conversation with children.

Review Summary

4.60 out of 5
Average of 16k+ ratings from Goodreads and Amazon.

Habits of the Household receives overwhelmingly positive reviews, with readers praising its practical, grace-filled approach to creating Christ-centered family rhythms. Many found it relatable, encouraging, and applicable to various parenting stages. Reviewers appreciated Earley's honesty about parenting challenges and his emphasis on intentional habits. The book's focus on integrating faith into daily routines resonated with readers. Some noted its limitations regarding teenage years and church involvement, but overall, it was highly recommended for Christian parents seeking to shape their family's spiritual habits.

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About the Author

Justin Whitmel Earley is a lawyer, author, and creator of The Common Rule, a program designed to cultivate habits that foster love for God and neighbor. With a background in law from Georgetown University, Earley practices mergers and acquisitions in Richmond, Virginia. His diverse experience includes founding The Urbanity Project and directing Thought and Culture Shapers in China. Earley's work focuses on integrating faith and daily life through intentional habits. He lives in Richmond with his wife, Lauren, and their four sons, drawing from his personal experiences as a parent to inform his writing on family and spiritual formation.

Other books by Justin Whitmel Earley

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