Key Takeaways
1. Make a Powerful First Impression in 90 Seconds
First impressions set the tone for success more often than class, credentials, education, or what you paid for lunch.
The 90-second rule. In the first 90 seconds of any encounter, people make snap judgments that set the tone for the entire relationship. These judgments are based on nonverbal cues such as body language, tone of voice, and overall demeanor. To make a positive first impression:
- Make eye contact and smile genuinely
- Use open body language (uncrossed arms, facing the person)
- Match the other person's energy level and speaking pace
- Listen actively and show interest in what they're saying
The power of attitude. Your attitude is contagious and sets the tone for the interaction. Approach each encounter with a positive, enthusiastic mindset. This will naturally influence your body language and tone, making you more approachable and likable.
2. Neutralize the Fight-or-Flight Response
The cheapest, most effective way to connect with others is to look them in the eye.
Understanding instinctive reactions. In the first few seconds of an encounter, people unconsciously assess whether you're a threat or an ally. To neutralize the fight-or-flight response:
- Maintain open, non-threatening body language
- Use a warm, friendly tone of voice
- Smile and make eye contact to build trust
- Give the other person space; don't invade their personal bubble
Projecting positive energy. People are naturally drawn to those who appear healthy, vital, and confident. Project these qualities through your posture, facial expressions, and overall demeanor. This will help others feel at ease and more receptive to connecting with you.
3. Master the ABC: Attitude, Body Language, and Congruence
When people like you, they see the best in you. When they don't, they tend to see the worst.
Attitude is infectious. Your internal state influences your external behavior, which in turn affects how others perceive and respond to you. Cultivate a positive, enthusiastic attitude to create a favorable impression.
Body language speaks volumes. Nonverbal cues account for a significant portion of communication. Key aspects of positive body language include:
- Open posture (uncrossed arms and legs)
- Facing the person directly
- Maintaining appropriate eye contact
- Smiling genuinely
- Using expressive hand gestures
Congruence builds trust. Ensure your words, tone of voice, and body language are all conveying the same message. When these elements are in alignment, you appear more credible and trustworthy.
4. Speak the Language of the Brain
The brain can't process negative pictures, sounds, or feelings.
Positive language. The brain processes information in positive terms. Instead of saying "don't forget," say "remember." This applies to both your internal dialogue and your communication with others.
Sensory-rich language. The brain thinks in pictures, sounds, and feelings. Use descriptive, sensory-rich language to make your message more vivid and memorable:
- Visual: "Picture yourself succeeding..."
- Auditory: "Imagine hearing the applause..."
- Kinesthetic: "Feel the satisfaction of accomplishment..."
The power of "because." People are more likely to comply with requests when given a reason, even if it's not particularly compelling. Always provide a "because" when making requests or presenting ideas.
5. Connect with the Senses
If you can figure out what sense a person favors, you can speak in terms he or she will immediately connect with—and you'll both benefit.
Identify sensory preferences. People tend to favor one of three main sensory modes:
- Visual: Uses phrases like "I see what you mean"
- Auditory: Says things like "That sounds good to me"
- Kinesthetic: Often uses phrases like "I feel that..."
Match their mode. Once you've identified a person's preferred sensory mode, adjust your language to match:
- For visual people: Use visual aids and descriptive language
- For auditory people: Focus on tone of voice and use sound-related metaphors
- For kinesthetic people: Use touch-based language and emphasize feelings
Create multi-sensory experiences. When possible, engage multiple senses to make your message more impactful and memorable.
6. Feed the Personality
There are four processes that constitute the core business model: dreaming, analyzing, persuading, and controlling.
Understand personality types. In business, there are four main personality types:
- Dreamers: Visionaries who generate ideas
- Analyzers: Detail-oriented problem solvers
- Persuaders: Outgoing communicators
- Controllers: Results-driven leaders
Adapt your approach. Tailor your communication style to match the personality type you're dealing with:
- Dreamers: Give them space to brainstorm and respect their creativity
- Analyzers: Provide detailed information and logical arguments
- Persuaders: Be enthusiastic and focus on the big picture
- Controllers: Be direct, offer options, and emphasize results
Leverage complementary strengths. Recognize that each personality type has unique strengths and weaknesses. Encourage collaboration between different types to create a well-rounded team.
7. Know Your Business and Find Your Style
Wear great clothes—more people will listen to you.
Develop your personal brand. Your appearance and style communicate a lot about you. Craft a personal image that balances authority and approachability:
- Dress slightly better than the occasion requires
- Choose clothes that make you feel confident and comfortable
- Pay attention to grooming and personal hygiene
Understand your business. Clearly articulate what you do and why it matters. Develop a concise "elevator pitch" or "ten-second commercial" that highlights:
- What you do
- Who you do it for
- How it makes their lives better
Find your unique selling proposition. Identify what sets you apart from others in your field and emphasize these qualities in your personal branding and communication.
8. Open Lines of Communication
You know how most exporters are always looking to find new markets?
Master the art of greeting. Use the OESS approach:
- Open: Adopt an open posture and attitude
- Eye contact: Make and maintain appropriate eye contact
- Smile: Offer a genuine smile
- Speak: Use a warm, friendly tone
Break the ice. Use open-ended questions and show genuine interest to start conversations:
- "What brings you to this event?"
- "What do you think about [current topic]?"
- "How did you get started in your field?"
Find common ground. Look for shared interests or experiences to build rapport quickly. Use phrases like "Me too!" or "What a coincidence" to highlight connections.
9. Get People Talking
Questions are the spark plugs of conversation.
Ask open-ended questions. Use questions that start with who, what, where, when, why, or how to encourage detailed responses and keep the conversation flowing.
Practice active listening. Show that you're engaged in the conversation by:
- Maintaining eye contact
- Nodding and using verbal affirmations (e.g., "I see," "Mm-hmm")
- Asking follow-up questions based on what they've said
Use the "pub approach." Frame your questions or statements in a way that invites agreement:
- "You know how [common situation]?"
- "Well, I [your solution/approach]..."
- "So they can [benefit/outcome]..."
10. Find the Right Approach
Linking states makes us feel as if we're all cut from the same cloth, part of the same group.
Link emotional states. Guide people through a series of emotional states to reach your desired outcome. For example, to generate enthusiasm:
- Start with curiosity
- Move to openness
- Build to excitement
Tailor your approach. Consider the context and your audience when choosing how to deliver your message:
- Formal vs. informal settings
- One-on-one vs. group interactions
- Professional vs. social situations
Use storytelling. Craft compelling narratives to illustrate your points and make your message more memorable. Structure your stories with:
- A clear setup (characters, setting, problem)
- Attempts to solve the problem
- A resolution and lesson learned
11. Secrets of Great Communicators
Capture your attention and you can capture your interest. Once you have their interest, you can fire up their imagination. And their heart will surely follow.
Hook, point, and sizzle. Structure your presentations like a shish kebab:
- Hook: Grab attention with a provocative statement or question
- Point: Clearly state your main message
- Steak: Provide supporting facts and data
- Sizzle: Add emotional appeal and memorable elements
Use analogies and metaphors. Make complex ideas more accessible by comparing them to familiar concepts. For example, "Our new software is like a GPS for your business finances."
Paint word pictures. Use vivid, sensory-rich language to create mental images that stick with your audience. This helps make your message more memorable and impactful.
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FAQ
What's "Como convencer alguém em 90 segundos" about?
- Instant Connections: The book focuses on how to make instant connections with people in 90 seconds or less, which can be beneficial in both business and personal life.
- First Impressions: It emphasizes the importance of the first 90 seconds of any encounter, where snap judgments are made based on instincts and human nature.
- Practical Techniques: Nicholas Boothman provides practical techniques to establish trust quickly and connect on a deeper level with others.
- Personal and Professional Growth: The book aims to enhance your ability to connect with others, thereby increasing your success in various aspects of life.
Why should I read "Como convencer alguém em 90 segundos"?
- Improve Communication Skills: The book offers valuable insights into improving your communication skills, which are crucial in both personal and professional settings.
- Build Relationships: It provides strategies for building meaningful relationships quickly, which can lead to more opportunities and success.
- Understand Human Nature: By understanding the basics of human nature and instincts, you can better navigate social interactions.
- Practical and Actionable: The book is filled with actionable advice and exercises that you can apply immediately to see results.
What are the key takeaways of "Como convencer alguém em 90 segundos"?
- First Impressions Matter: The first 90 seconds are crucial for making a positive impression and establishing trust.
- Attitude and Body Language: Your attitude and body language play a significant role in how others perceive you.
- Communication Techniques: Use open questions and sensory-rich language to engage others and build rapport.
- Linking Emotional States: Learn to guide others through emotional states to achieve your desired outcome.
How does Nicholas Boothman suggest making a good first impression?
- Open Body Language: Ensure your body language is open and welcoming, with uncrossed arms and good eye contact.
- Smile and Eye Contact: Be the first to smile and make eye contact, which conveys confidence and approachability.
- Positive Attitude: Adopt a positive and enthusiastic attitude before any interaction to set the right tone.
- Synchronize: Begin synchronizing the other person's body language and voice characteristics to build rapport.
What is the KFC method mentioned in "Como convencer alguém em 90 segundos"?
- Know What You Want: Clearly define your goals in positive terms before any interaction.
- Find Out What You're Getting: Pay attention to feedback and learn from it to adjust your approach.
- Change What You Do: Be flexible and willing to change your tactics until you achieve your desired outcome.
- Continuous Improvement: The KFC method emphasizes ongoing learning and adaptation to improve communication effectiveness.
How can I use body language effectively according to Nicholas Boothman?
- Open vs. Closed Signals: Use open body language to signal that you are approachable and trustworthy.
- Heart-to-Heart Positioning: Point your heart at the other person's heart to demonstrate openness and build trust.
- Synchronize Movements: Match the other person's body language subtly to create a sense of understanding and rapport.
- Feedback and Adjustment: Continuously observe and adjust your body language based on the other person's reactions.
What role does attitude play in making connections, according to "Como convencer alguém em 90 segundos"?
- Infectious Attitude: Your attitude is contagious and can influence the mood and behavior of those around you.
- Useful vs. Useless Attitudes: Adopt useful attitudes like enthusiasm and curiosity, which attract people, and avoid useless ones like impatience.
- Mind-Body Connection: Your mind and body are interconnected; changing one can influence the other.
- Preparation: Before any interaction, consciously choose a positive attitude to set the stage for a successful connection.
How does Nicholas Boothman recommend handling introductions?
- Stand Up and Open Up: Whenever possible, stand up to greet someone and open your body language to remove barriers.
- Firm Handshake: Offer a firm, respectful handshake to convey confidence and professionalism.
- Facilitate Introductions: Be proactive in introducing people to one another, which can enhance your networking skills.
- Hierarchy and Respect: When introducing people, consider the hierarchy and introduce the less senior person to the more senior one.
What is the significance of storytelling in "Como convencer alguém em 90 segundos"?
- Engage the Imagination: Stories engage the imagination and appeal to the senses, making them memorable and impactful.
- Structure and Clarity: Use a clear structure with a point, problem, and resolution to make your story effective.
- Emotional Connection: Stories create an emotional connection with the audience, making your message more persuasive.
- Simplify Complex Ideas: Use stories to simplify complex concepts and make them accessible to a wider audience.
What are some practical exercises from "Como convencer alguém em 90 segundos"?
- Eye Color Exercise: Make a mental note of the eye color of everyone you meet to improve eye contact and rapport skills.
- Attitude Adjustment Games: Practice adopting different attitudes, like being a hippo or kangaroo, to understand their impact on interactions.
- Synchronizing Body Language: Spend a day synchronizing your body language with others to build trust and communication.
- Square Breathing: Use square breathing to calm nerves before presentations or important interactions.
What are the best quotes from "Como convencer alguém em 90 segundos" and what do they mean?
- "Capture the imagination and you capture the heart." This quote emphasizes the power of engaging someone's imagination to create an emotional connection.
- "There’s no such thing as failure, there is only feedback." This highlights the importance of learning from experiences and continuously improving.
- "Dress for the job you want—not the job you have." This suggests that your appearance can influence how others perceive your potential and capabilities.
- "Opportunities multiply as they are seized." This encourages taking action and being open to new opportunities for growth and success.
How can I apply the concepts from "Como convencer alguém em 90 segundos" in my daily life?
- Practice Daily: Use the exercises and techniques from the book in everyday interactions to build confidence and skill.
- Be Mindful of First Impressions: Pay attention to your body language, attitude, and appearance in all encounters.
- Adapt and Adjust: Continuously seek feedback and be willing to change your approach to achieve better results.
- Build Relationships: Focus on building meaningful connections with others, which can lead to personal and professional growth.
Review Summary
Convince Them in 90 Seconds or Less received mixed reviews, with an average rating of 3.97 out of 5. Many readers found it insightful, praising its practical advice on communication, body language, and creating relationships. The book's structure, with summaries and exercises, was appreciated. Some readers felt it was outdated or shallow in vocabulary. Critics noted its focus on business settings and artificial techniques. Overall, readers found value in its tips for improving social and professional interactions, though some questioned its broad applicability.
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