Key Takeaways
1. First Impressions Matter: Make a Positive Impact in 90 Seconds
We have approximately 90 seconds to make a favorable impression when we first meet someone.
The greeting sequence. The first few seconds of an encounter are crucial in establishing rapport. Follow the "Open-Eye-Beam-Hi!-Lean" sequence:
- Open: Adopt a positive attitude and open body language
- Eye: Make eye contact first
- Beam: Smile sincerely
- Hi!: Introduce yourself with a pleasing tone
- Lean: Subtly lean forward to show interest
Importance of congruence. Ensure your words, tone, and body language all convey the same message. People are more likely to trust and believe you when your communication is congruent. This alignment is essential for building credibility and rapport quickly.
2. Develop a Really Useful Attitude to Enhance Likability
Attitudes are like trays on which we serve ourselves up to other people.
Choose your attitude wisely. Your attitude sets the tone for any interaction and significantly impacts how others perceive you. Cultivate a Really Useful Attitude that is:
- Positive
- Curious
- Enthusiastic
- Warm
- Helpful
Impact on communication. Your chosen attitude influences your body language, voice tone, and word choice. By consciously selecting a Really Useful Attitude, you create a more favorable environment for establishing rapport and making people like you quickly.
3. Master the Art of Synchronizing for Instant Rapport
Synchronizing is a way to make the other person become open, relaxed and happy to be with you.
Matching and mirroring techniques. Synchronize with others by subtly matching or mirroring their:
- Body language
- Voice tone and speed
- Breathing patterns
- Key words and phrases
Lead and test rapport. After synchronizing for a few minutes, make a subtle change in your behavior. If the other person follows your lead, you've established rapport. If not, continue synchronizing and try again later.
4. Communicate Effectively Through Body Language and Voice
The average person would perhaps not notice, but to the trained eye and ear there is plenty happening.
Open vs. closed body language. Be aware of the signals you're sending:
- Open: Exposed heart, uncrossed arms, leaning forward
- Closed: Protected heart, crossed arms, leaning away
Voice characteristics. Pay attention to and adjust your:
- Tone
- Volume
- Speed
- Pitch
- Rhythm
Remember that your body language and voice account for 93% of face-to-face communication, making them crucial elements in establishing rapport.
5. Engage in Meaningful Conversations with Open-Ended Questions
Questions are the spark plugs of conversation.
Open vs. closed questions. Use open-ended questions to encourage detailed responses and keep the conversation flowing:
- Open: Who? When? What? Why? Where? How?
- Closed: Are you...? Do you...? Have you...?
Location/occasion statements. Begin conversations with a statement about the shared environment or situation, followed by an open question. This technique provides common ground and encourages the other person to open up.
6. Practice Active Listening to Build Stronger Connections
Active listening is an active attempt to grasp and understand the facts and the underlying feelings of what is being said.
Demonstrate genuine interest. Show that you're listening through:
- Eye contact
- Nodding
- Leaning forward
- Verbal encouragement (e.g., "mm-hmm," "I see")
Respond to feelings. Go beyond paraphrasing by acknowledging the emotions behind the words. This deeper level of understanding fosters stronger connections and rapport.
7. Identify and Adapt to Different Sensory Preferences
To give you an idea of how sensory preferences impact on our day-to-day life, let me tell you about my own situation.
Visual, Auditory, and Kinesthetic (VAK) preferences. People tend to favor one sensory system:
- Visual (55%): Fast talkers, care about appearances
- Auditory (15%): Melodic voices, enjoy conversation
- Kinesthetic (30%): Slower speakers, focus on feelings
Adapt your communication. Once you identify a person's sensory preference, adjust your language and approach accordingly:
- Visual: Use picture words and metaphors
- Auditory: Focus on sound-related words and tone
- Kinesthetic: Employ feeling and touch-based language
8. Use Memorable Techniques to Stand Out from the Crowd
Give other people a reason to remember you, and they will.
Create a unique persona. Develop a distinctive characteristic or style that sets you apart, such as:
- A signature accessory
- A unique hairstyle
- A memorable catchphrase
Sensory-rich language. Use vivid descriptions that engage multiple senses to make your conversations more memorable and impactful.
9. Overcome Common Conversation Pitfalls and Roadblocks
Don't interrupt, and don't end other people's sentences for them, no matter how enthusiastic or impatient you might be.
Avoid conversation killers:
- Interrupting
- Finishing others' sentences
- Complaining or criticizing
- Giving one-word answers
- Monopolizing the conversation
- Looking elsewhere while talking
Handle difficult situations. When dealing with challenging personalities, always ask yourself:
- Do I really need to deal with this person?
- What is my desired outcome?
10. Apply the KFC Formula for Successful Communication
Know what you want. Find out what you're getting. Change what you do until you get what you want.
KFC breakdown:
- Know what you want: Clearly define your intention
- Find out what you're getting: Seek feedback
- Change what you do: Adjust your approach based on feedback
Continuous improvement. Apply this cycle to all areas of your life where you want to improve your communication and relationships. Be willing to adapt and refine your approach until you achieve your desired outcome.
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FAQ
What's "How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less" about?
- Connecting with others: The book by Nicholas Boothman focuses on the art of making quick and meaningful connections with people.
- Rapport-building techniques: It provides strategies to establish rapport in 90 seconds or less, emphasizing the importance of first impressions.
- Practical advice: The book offers practical advice on body language, attitude, and communication skills to enhance likability.
- Universal principles: Boothman shares universal principles that can be applied in various social and professional settings to improve interpersonal relationships.
Why should I read "How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less"?
- Improve social skills: The book is ideal for anyone looking to improve their social skills and make better first impressions.
- Professional benefits: It offers valuable insights for professionals who need to build rapport quickly, such as salespeople, teachers, and leaders.
- Personal growth: Readers can learn to connect more effectively with others, leading to improved personal relationships and self-confidence.
- Practical exercises: The book includes exercises and real-life examples to help readers practice and apply the techniques.
What are the key takeaways of "How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less"?
- Importance of attitude: A positive and open attitude is crucial for making a good first impression and establishing rapport.
- Body language matters: Non-verbal cues, such as eye contact and open gestures, play a significant role in how others perceive you.
- Effective communication: Asking open-ended questions and actively listening are essential for engaging conversations.
- Synchronizing behavior: Matching the other person's body language and tone can help create a sense of familiarity and trust.
How does Nicholas Boothman suggest establishing rapport quickly?
- Greeting strategy: Use the "Open-Eye-Beam-Hi-Lean" method to make a welcoming first impression.
- Synchronize behavior: Mirror the other person's body language, tone, and pace to create a sense of connection.
- Use open questions: Engage others by asking open-ended questions that encourage them to share more about themselves.
- Active listening: Show genuine interest in what the other person is saying through verbal and non-verbal feedback.
What is the "Open-Eye-Beam-Hi-Lean" method in the book?
- Open: Approach with an open attitude and body language, signaling receptiveness and friendliness.
- Eye contact: Make direct eye contact to establish a connection and show attentiveness.
- Beam: Smile warmly to convey sincerity and approachability.
- Hi and Lean: Greet the person with a friendly "Hi" and lean slightly forward to show interest and engagement.
How does body language influence likability according to Boothman?
- Open vs. closed gestures: Open body language, such as uncrossed arms and direct eye contact, signals trust and willingness to connect.
- Facial expressions: Smiling and nodding can convey warmth and agreement, making you more approachable.
- Posture and movement: Standing or sitting with an open posture and mirroring the other person's movements can enhance rapport.
- Non-verbal cues: Consistent body language that aligns with your words increases your credibility and likability.
What role does attitude play in making people like you?
- Positive attitude: A positive attitude sets the tone for interactions and influences how others perceive you.
- Attitude precedes you: Your attitude is evident before you even speak, affecting your body language and tone.
- Useful vs. useless attitudes: A "Really Useful Attitude" like warmth or curiosity can attract others, while a "Really Useless Attitude" like anger can repel them.
- Attitude management: Being aware of and managing your attitude can significantly impact your ability to connect with others.
How can you use questions to build rapport?
- Open-ended questions: These encourage the other person to share more about themselves, fostering deeper connections.
- Avoid closed questions: Questions that can be answered with a simple "yes" or "no" can halt the flow of conversation.
- Use sensory-specific verbs: Incorporate words like "see," "hear," and "feel" to engage the other person's imagination and senses.
- Follow-up questions: Use the information shared to ask further questions, showing genuine interest and active listening.
What is the significance of sensory preferences in communication?
- Visual, Auditory, Kinesthetic: People have different sensory preferences that influence how they perceive and communicate.
- Tailor communication: Recognizing and adapting to someone's sensory preference can enhance understanding and rapport.
- Clues in language: Pay attention to the words people use, such as "see," "hear," or "feel," to identify their sensory preference.
- Practical application: Use this knowledge to adjust your communication style, making it more relatable and effective.
How does Boothman suggest handling compliments?
- Gracious acceptance: Accept compliments simply and directly with a "Thank you," avoiding excessive modesty.
- Specificity: Give specific compliments rather than general ones to make them more meaningful and sincere.
- Sincere delivery: Ensure your tone and body language match the sincerity of your words when giving compliments.
- Avoid flattery: Steer clear of exaggerated or insincere compliments, as they can undermine credibility and rapport.
What are some practical exercises from the book to improve likability?
- Greeting practice: Use the "Open-Eye-Beam-Hi-Lean" method in everyday interactions to refine your greeting skills.
- Synchronizing exercise: Practice matching and mirroring body language and tone with a partner to enhance rapport-building skills.
- Active listening drills: Engage in conversations focusing on active listening techniques, such as nodding and verbal feedback.
- Sensory preference identification: Observe and identify sensory preferences in others to tailor your communication style effectively.
What are the best quotes from "How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less" and what do they mean?
- "The better you are at connecting with other people, the better the quality of your life." This emphasizes the importance of interpersonal skills in enhancing life experiences and opportunities.
- "People who connect live longer." This highlights the health benefits of social connections, supported by studies showing increased longevity among socially active individuals.
- "If people like you, they feel natural and comfortable around you." Likability fosters ease and openness in interactions, leading to more meaningful relationships.
- "Your attitude precedes you." This underscores the impact of attitude on first impressions and the importance of managing it to create positive interactions.
Review Summary
How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds Or Less receives mixed reviews. Some find it helpful for improving social skills and communication, especially for introverts or those with social anxiety. Others criticize it as common sense advice or manipulative techniques. Positive reviews praise the book's insights on body language, active listening, and sensory preferences. Critics argue the content could be condensed into a shorter format. Overall, readers appreciate the practical tips but debate the depth and originality of the material.
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