Daring Greatly

1. Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity, and change

Vulnerability is the core, the heart, the center, of meaningful human experiences.

Embracing vulnerability is courageous. Despite common misconceptions, vulnerability is not weakness. It's the willingness to show up and be seen when there are no guarantees. This emotional exposure is necessary for love, belonging, joy, creativity, and innovation.

Vulnerability enables meaningful connections. When we allow ourselves to be vulnerable, we open the door to authentic relationships and experiences. This includes:

• Saying "I love you" first
• Trying something new where we might fail
• Sharing an unpopular opinion
• Asking for help when we need it
• Admitting we're afraid

By embracing vulnerability, we cultivate the courage to be imperfect, to set boundaries, and to allow ourselves to be truly seen.

2. Shame is universal, but we can develop resilience to it

Shame derives its power from being unspeakable.

Shame thrives in secrecy. It's the intensely painful feeling that we are unworthy of love and belonging. Everyone experiences shame, but it's rarely discussed. This silence allows shame to grow and maintain its power over us.

Building shame resilience is possible. To combat shame, we must:

• Recognize shame and understand its triggers
• Practice critical awareness
• Reach out and share our stories
• Speak shame to rob it of its power

By developing shame resilience, we can move through shame experiences with courage, compassion, and connection, rather than being paralyzed by them.

3. Perfectionism is a self-destructive shield against vulnerability

Perfectionism is a self-destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: If I look perfect, and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgment, and blame.

Perfectionism is not about self-improvement. It's a defensive move rooted in fear. Perfectionists often believe their self-worth is tied to their accomplishments and others' perceptions. This mindset leads to:

• Fear of failure and making mistakes
• Difficulty accepting criticism
• Procrastination
• Decreased creativity and innovation

Overcoming perfectionism requires self-compassion. We must learn to appreciate the beauty of our cracks and imperfections. This involves:

• Practicing self-kindness
• Recognizing our common humanity
• Cultivating mindfulness

By letting go of who we think we're supposed to be and embracing who we are, we can dare greatly and live more authentically.

4. Cultivating worthiness requires letting go of comparison and scarcity

Scarcity is the "never enough" problem.

Scarcity thinking permeates our culture. We're constantly bombarded with messages that we're not good enough, thin enough, rich enough, or productive enough. This scarcity mindset leads to:

• Comparison and competition
• Disengagement and numbness
• Shame and fear

Cultivating a sense of worthiness combats scarcity. To do this, we must:

• Practice gratitude for what we have
• Focus on our inherent worthiness, separate from accomplishments
• Embrace vulnerability and imperfection
• Set boundaries and practice saying "no"
• Cultivate rest and play as values

By shifting from a scarcity mindset to one of "enough," we can live more wholehearted lives.

5. Wholehearted living means engaging from a place of worthiness

Wholehearted living is about engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness.

Wholehearted people share common characteristics. They cultivate:

• Authenticity
• Self-compassion
• A resilient spirit
• Gratitude and joy
• Intuition and trusting faith
• Creativity
• Play and rest
• Calm and stillness
• Meaningful work
• Laughter, song, and dance

Living wholeheartedly requires courage. It means having the courage to be imperfect, set boundaries, and allow ourselves to be vulnerable. It's about cultivating the compassion to be kind to ourselves first, and then to others. Wholehearted living is a practice that requires consistent effort and self-reflection.

6. Daring leadership involves embracing vulnerability and cultivating trust

If we want to reignite innovation and passion, we need to rehumanize work.

Vulnerability is crucial for effective leadership. Leaders who dare greatly:

• Cultivate honest conversations about shame and vulnerability
• Create cultures of engaged feedback
• Lead by example in showing up authentically
• Foster innovation by creating safe spaces for risk-taking

Trust is built in small moments. Leaders can build trust by:

• Being transparent about not having all the answers
• Asking for help when needed
• Respecting boundaries
• Holding people accountable without shame
• Modeling vulnerability and openness

By embracing vulnerability and cultivating trust, leaders can create more engaged, innovative, and productive work environments.

7. Wholehearted parenting means modeling the values we want to teach

Who we are and how we engage with the world are much stronger predictors of how our children will do than what we know about parenting.

Children learn more from what we do than what we say. As parents, we must:

• Model the behaviors and values we want to see in our children
• Practice self-compassion and embrace our own imperfections
• Cultivate shame resilience and teach it to our children
• Allow our children to struggle and develop resilience
• Create a sense of worthiness and belonging in our homes

Vulnerability is key in parenting. It means having the courage to:

• Apologize to our children when we make mistakes
• Share our own struggles and how we overcome them
• Show up authentically, even when it's uncomfortable

By parenting wholeheartedly, we give our children the tools to navigate their own lives with courage and compassion.

8. Belonging is about authenticity, not fitting in

Fitting in is about assessing a situation and becoming who you need to be to be accepted. Belonging, on the other hand, doesn't require us to change who we are; it requires us to be who we are.

True belonging requires authenticity. It's about:

• Showing up as our genuine selves
• Connecting with others based on shared humanity
• Cultivating the courage to stand alone when necessary

Fitting in is the opposite of belonging. When we try to fit in, we:

• Change ourselves to meet others' expectations
• Lose touch with our authentic selves
• Experience increased feelings of shame and unworthiness

By cultivating authenticity and embracing our true selves, we create opportunities for genuine connection and belonging.

9. Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen

Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren't always comfortable, but they're never weakness.

Courage requires vulnerability. To dare greatly, we must:

• Show up even when the outcome is uncertain
• Share our ideas, even if they might be rejected
• Express our feelings, even when it's uncomfortable
• Ask for help, even when we fear judgment

Small acts of courage build resilience. Every time we choose to be brave, we strengthen our courage muscles. This might look like:

• Speaking up in a meeting
• Trying a new hobby
• Having a difficult conversation
• Sharing our art or writing

By consistently choosing courage over comfort, we expand our capacity for vulnerability and create more meaningful lives.

10. Hope is a function of struggle

Hope is a combination of setting goals, having the tenacity and perseverance to pursue them, and believing in our own abilities.

Hope is a cognitive process, not just an emotion. It involves:

• Setting realistic goals
• Developing pathways to achieve those goals
• Believing in our ability to follow through

Struggle is essential for developing hope. When we allow our children (or ourselves) to experience adversity and work through it, we build:

• Problem-solving skills
• Resilience
• Self-efficacy
• The ability to persevere through challenges

By reframing struggle as an opportunity for growth and learning, we can cultivate hope and build the resilience necessary to dare greatly in all areas of our lives.

Last updated: August 10, 2024