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1. Childhood in Sugar Land: Navigating cultural identity and family dynamics

"I was seven of 324 students in the graduating class. I needed to stay in the Top Ten."

Cultural tension. Growing up as a Korean-American in Sugar Land, Texas, Hyeseung Song experienced a constant pull between her Korean heritage and American surroundings. Her parents, particularly her mother, held high expectations for academic achievement and proper behavior, often clashing with American cultural norms.

Family dynamics. The Song household was marked by financial struggles and frequent arguments between Hyeseung's parents. Her father's entrepreneurial ambitions often led to financial instability, while her mother worked tirelessly as a nurse to support the family. This tumultuous environment shaped Hyeseung's understanding of love, duty, and success from an early age.

2. Moving to Memorial: Striving for academic success and social acceptance

"I was nine of 324 students in the graduating class. I needed to stay in the Top Ten."

Academic pressure. The move to Memorial, a more affluent area, intensified the pressure on Hyeseung to excel academically. She internalized the belief that her worth was tied to her grades and class rank, constantly striving to be among the top students.

Social challenges. As one of the few Asian students in her school, Hyeseung struggled to fit in with her predominantly white peers. She navigated complex social situations, from birthday parties to school dances, often feeling like an outsider despite her efforts to assimilate.

• Key social experiences:
  • Avery's birthday party (feeling out of place due to clothing)
  • Developing friendships with Macy and Hannah
  • Dating Harrison and experiencing heartbreak

3. Princeton years: Struggling with depression and searching for purpose

"I had done everything she wanted. And it still wasn't enough. The cycle of abandonment was over."

Depression and identity crisis. At Princeton, Hyeseung's long-simmering depression intensified. She grappled with questions of identity, purpose, and self-worth, often skipping classes and isolating herself.

Seeking a "simple life". Overwhelmed by academic and personal pressures, Hyeseung yearned for a simpler existence. This led her to take a leave of absence from Princeton and spend time in Korea, searching for a sense of belonging and authenticity.

• Key experiences during this period:
  • Working at NAMCo in Seoul
  • Exploring Korean nightlife with Jemi
  • Traumatic encounter with a stranger

4. The Stew: A transformative experience in a psychiatric hospital

"I had gotten off the phone with Umma the week before, which had inspired my decision to leave the city that afternoon."

Mental health crisis. Hyeseung's struggles culminated in a suicide attempt and subsequent stay at McLean Hospital, nicknamed "the Stew." This experience marked a turning point in her life, forcing her to confront her mental health issues and reevaluate her priorities.

Self-discovery and healing. During her time in the Stew, Hyeseung began to understand the roots of her depression and the impact of her family dynamics on her mental health. She also discovered the therapeutic potential of art, which would later become a significant part of her life.

• Key insights gained:
  • Recognizing the need for professional help
  • Understanding the role of medication in managing depression
  • Realizing the importance of self-care and personal boundaries

5. Pursuing art: Finding passion and self-expression through painting

"I laid out my palette with generous squeezes of paint. From Jon Peter's table of still life objects, I selected a vase, a platter, and two clusters of red grapes."

Discovering a new path. After leaving Harvard Law School, Hyeseung found solace and purpose in painting. She immersed herself in art classes and began developing her skills, eventually pursuing it as a career.

Creative fulfillment. Through art, Hyeseung discovered a means of self-expression and a sense of accomplishment that had eluded her in academic pursuits. Painting allowed her to explore her identity and emotions in a way that felt authentic and liberating.

• Milestones in her artistic journey:
  • Taking classes with Jon Peter
  • Moving to New York to study art
  • Having her first gallery show

6. Marriage to Nate: Balancing love, career, and personal growth

"Nate said someday I would realize the Stew was not the end, but rather the beginning."

Supportive partnership. Nate played a crucial role in Hyeseung's recovery and personal growth. Their relationship provided stability and support as she navigated her mental health challenges and pursued her artistic ambitions.

Career sacrifices. As Nate's academic career progressed, Hyeseung found herself making compromises to support his goals. This included moving from New York to Baltimore, a decision that challenged her sense of identity and artistic community.

• Key aspects of their relationship:
  • Nate's support during Hyeseung's mental health crises
  • Balancing two careers and personal aspirations
  • Navigating cultural differences and family expectations

7. Relocating to Baltimore: Confronting change and rediscovering identity

"I wanted it."

New beginnings. The move to Baltimore represented a significant change for Hyeseung. She embraced the challenge of renovating a dilapidated row house, pouring her creative energy into making it a home.

Artistic evolution. In Baltimore, Hyeseung's art began to reflect her changing circumstances and emotional landscape. She struggled with a sense of displacement and loss, which manifested in her paintings.

Ongoing mental health journey. Despite the positive changes in her life, Hyeseung continued to grapple with depression. Her experiences in Baltimore underscored the ongoing nature of mental health management and the importance of self-care.

• Key aspects of life in Baltimore:
  • Renovating the row house
  • Establishing a new art studio
  • Navigating the challenges of Nate's academic career
  • Continuing to manage depression and seek treatment when needed

Last updated: October 2, 2024