Feedback (and Other Dirty Words)

1. Redefine Feedback: A Tool for Growth, Not Punishment

Clear and specific information that's sought or extended with the sole intention of helping individuals or groups improve, grow, or advance.

Feedback has a branding problem. Years of misuse have tainted our perception of feedback, associating it with punishment, shame, and manipulation. This negative connotation has created a paradox where people crave feedback but are reluctant to seek or provide it.

To fix feedback, we must redefine it as a positive tool for growth and improvement. This new definition emphasizes:

• Clarity and specificity
• The act of seeking or extending information
• A sole intention of helping others improve, grow, or advance

By shifting our perspective, we can transform feedback from a dreaded experience to a valuable opportunity for personal and professional development.

2. The Science Behind Our Feedback Fear

Fear, negative leanings, and an often-distorted view of our place in the world are all part of what makes us human.

Our brains are wired for survival, not feedback. The "fight, flight, or freeze" response, which served our ancestors well in life-threatening situations, can be triggered by emotional threats like feedback. This primitive reaction can lead to defensive behaviors or complete shutdown during feedback conversations.

Understanding the science behind our feedback fear helps us manage our responses:

• Recognize that the fear response is natural but often unnecessary in feedback situations
• Practice techniques like deep breathing to calm the nervous system
• Shift focus from your emotional response to the factual content of the feedback

By acknowledging and managing our innate reactions, we can create a more conducive environment for productive feedback exchanges.

3. Fairness, Focus, and Frequency: The Three Fs of Effective Feedback

Every great feedback experience is anchored in fairness, focus, and frequency.

The three Fs create a safe environment for feedback. Fairness ensures that feedback is unbiased and trustworthy. Focus keeps feedback specific and actionable. Frequency builds feedback into a regular, less intimidating practice.

Implementing the three Fs:

• Fairness: Be aware of personal biases and strive for objectivity
• Focus: Provide specific, targeted feedback on one aspect at a time
• Frequency: Make feedback a regular, ongoing practice rather than an infrequent event

By adhering to these principles, organizations can create a culture where feedback is welcomed and effective.

4. Embrace the Fine Art of Noticing

Noticing is observing without judgment.

Observation without judgment is powerful. The Fine Art of Noticing (FAN) involves paying attention to behaviors, actions, and outcomes without attaching personal opinions or emotions. This practice allows for more objective and constructive feedback.

Key aspects of FAN:

• Focus on specific, observable behaviors
• Describe actions and their effects without evaluating
• Use neutral language to convey observations

By mastering the art of noticing, we can provide more helpful and less threatening feedback, fostering an environment of continuous improvement.

5. Seekers Lead the Feedback Revolution

Seeking, not knowing. Learning, not always telling.

Proactively seeking feedback is empowering. By taking the initiative to ask for feedback, individuals gain control over their growth and development. Seeking feedback also demonstrates humility and a commitment to improvement.

Benefits of being a Seeker:

• Choose the timing and focus of feedback
• Build trust and strengthen relationships
• Increase likelihood of acting on feedback received

Strategies for effective seeking:

• Be specific about the feedback you want
• Ask in advance to allow time for preparation
• Follow up and show appreciation for the feedback received

6. Receivers: Manage Emotions and Extract Value

When you receive a tasty morsel of positive feedback, do you feel yourself actively listening, or do you default to minimizing the impact of your contribution or deflecting all the credit to others?

Receiving feedback skillfully requires emotional management. Our natural tendency to focus on negative information can skew our perception of feedback. Learning to receive feedback effectively involves managing emotional responses and extracting valuable insights.

Tips for receiving feedback:

• Practice the "feedback short, reflection long" principle
• Assume positive intent from the feedback provider
• Ask clarifying questions to understand the feedback fully
• Focus on future improvement rather than past mistakes

By developing these skills, receivers can transform potentially uncomfortable feedback situations into opportunities for growth and learning.

7. Extenders: Connect, Share Facts, and Focus on the Future

Descriptive, data-rich, neutral, and direct feedback informs and enlightens us.

Effective feedback extension requires skill and intention. When providing feedback, focus on building connections, sharing factual observations, and orienting the conversation towards future improvement.

Key principles for extending feedback:

• Connect first: Build trust and rapport before sharing feedback
• Stick to the facts: Describe specific behaviors and their effects
• Focus on the future: Discuss how the feedback can lead to growth and improvement

By following these guidelines, extenders can provide feedback that is more likely to be well-received and acted upon.

8. Leaders Must Model the Way in Seeking and Receiving Feedback

Leaders need to walk the talk.

Leadership sets the tone for feedback culture. When leaders actively seek and graciously receive feedback, they demonstrate the value of this practice and create a safe environment for others to do the same.

Ways leaders can model feedback behavior:

• Regularly ask for feedback from team members at all levels
• Share how they've applied feedback to improve their own performance
• Acknowledge mistakes and show vulnerability

By consistently modeling these behaviors, leaders can drive a cultural shift towards more open and effective feedback practices.

9. Break the Feedback Sandwich Habit

If you're slapping a sh*t sandwich together, especially if you're known to do it repeatedly, the Receiver will have no problem sniffing it out.

The feedback sandwich is ineffective and undermines trust. This common practice of sandwiching negative feedback between two pieces of positive feedback often feels insincere and can dilute the impact of both the praise and the criticism.

Better alternatives to the feedback sandwich:

• Provide positive feedback freely and frequently, separate from improvement feedback
• When addressing areas for improvement, be direct and focus on specific behaviors
• Use the CONNECT model for structured feedback conversations

By abandoning the feedback sandwich, we can create more honest and impactful feedback interactions.

10. Increase Feedback Frequency for Better Learning and Performance

The secret sauce of frequency is its informal and spontaneous nature.

Frequent feedback accelerates learning and performance improvement. Regular, bite-sized feedback is more digestible and actionable than infrequent, comprehensive reviews.

Benefits of frequent feedback:

• Allows for timely course corrections
• Reduces anxiety associated with formal feedback sessions
• Reinforces positive behaviors more effectively

Strategies for increasing feedback frequency:

• Implement "Feedback Fridays" or other regular check-ins
• Encourage peer-to-peer feedback
• Use technology to facilitate quick feedback exchanges

By making feedback a daily practice, organizations can create a culture of continuous improvement and learning.

11. Create a Culture of Positive Connections and Trust

Five to one. Remember that ratio!

Trust is the foundation of effective feedback. Building a culture of positive connections and trust creates an environment where feedback can flourish. The Gottman 5:1 ratio suggests that for every negative interaction, there should be five positive ones to maintain a healthy relationship.

Ways to build trust and positive connections:

• Practice active listening and empathy
• Recognize and appreciate contributions regularly
• Engage in collaborative problem-solving

By fostering a culture of trust and positive interactions, organizations can create an environment where feedback is welcomed and valued as a tool for growth and improvement.

Last updated: November 20, 2024