Friendship at the Margins

1. Friendship as the heart of mission: Redefining success in Christian outreach

"Was Jesus 'successful' in his calling, mentoring, training and sending of the twelve disciples? When do we take the measurements? What do we measure?"

Redefining success. Traditional measures of success in Christian mission often focus on conversions or program outcomes. However, the authors argue for a paradigm shift towards valuing long-term, authentic relationships. This approach mirrors Jesus' own ministry, where He invested deeply in a small group of disciples despite their failures and shortcomings.

Friendship as mission. The Word Made Flesh (WMF) community exemplifies this relational approach, living alongside vulnerable populations such as street children and trafficking survivors. By prioritizing friendship over traditional evangelism, they create spaces for mutual transformation and authentic witness. This model challenges the notion of mission as a one-way transfer of resources or knowledge, instead emphasizing shared life and reciprocal learning.

Key elements of friendship-based mission:

• Presence and accessibility
• Willingness to enter difficult circumstances
• Long-term commitment
• Mutual vulnerability and learning

2. Bridging righteousness and justice through personal connections

"The plunder from the poor is in your houses. What do you mean by crushing my people and grinding the faces of the poor? declares the Lord, the Lord Almighty."

Personal choices, global impact. The authors draw a provocative connection between seemingly innocuous consumer choices and global injustice. By sharing stories of friends like Sujana, who works in garment factories for meager wages, they challenge readers to consider how their purchasing decisions may perpetuate exploitation.

Holistic understanding of righteousness. Rather than separating personal holiness from social justice, the book argues for an integrated approach. Drawing on Biblical examples and the teachings of John Wesley, the authors demonstrate how genuine righteousness naturally leads to a concern for justice and the well-being of others.

Practical steps for bridging righteousness and justice:

• Cultivate friendships across socioeconomic lines
• Educate oneself about supply chains and labor practices
• Consider implementing a "Personal Retail Equality Tax"
• Support organizations working for systemic change

3. Mutuality in mission: Challenging donor-recipient dynamics

"God, it was said in old time, setteth the desolate in families; but somehow, in our time, the desolate wander alone in the midst of a careless and unsympathizing world."

Reciprocal relationships. The book challenges the traditional donor-recipient model in mission work, arguing that it often reinforces power imbalances and fails to recognize the gifts and wisdom of those being served. Instead, it advocates for a model of mutual transformation where all parties recognize their need for one another.

Learning from the margins. Through stories of friendships formed in difficult circumstances, the authors illustrate how those typically seen as "recipients" of mission often have profound spiritual insights and resilience to offer. This reciprocity not only enriches the lives of those engaged in mission but also more accurately reflects the interdependence of the body of Christ.

Examples of mutuality in mission:

• Shared meals and celebrations
• Collaborative decision-making in community projects
• Recognizing and valuing local knowledge and leadership
• Allowing oneself to be ministered to by those you came to serve

4. Navigating moral ambiguities in relationships at the margins

"Can we really be friends of war criminals and girls who abuse their unborn children?"

Embracing complexity. The authors confront the moral ambiguities inherent in forming friendships with those involved in or affected by exploitation, violence, and addiction. Rather than offering easy answers, they advocate for a nuanced approach that recognizes the intertwined nature of victimhood and perpetration in many marginalized contexts.

Disarmed presence. In situations where immediate solutions are not possible, the book argues for the value of simply being present in a posture of vulnerability and love. This "disarmed presence" reflects Christ's own incarnational ministry and allows for the slow work of transformation through relationship.

Principles for navigating moral ambiguities:

• Cultivate a robust, grace-filled holiness
• Rely on community discernment and accountability
• Maintain hope in God's ongoing work of reconciliation
• Resist the temptation to oversimplify complex situations

5. Cultivating a spirituality fit for engaging with the vulnerable

"The holiness we need is simultaneously strong and tender. It is a holiness of heart that can experience genuine horror at evil, but also see human beings for what God intended them to be."

Holiness for hard places. The authors argue that effective ministry among the vulnerable requires a distinct form of spirituality. This spirituality is characterized by a combination of moral sensitivity and resilience, allowing individuals to engage with difficult realities without becoming calloused or overwhelmed.

Practices for spiritual formation. Drawing on the experiences of WMF staff, the book outlines spiritual disciplines and practices that sustain long-term engagement in challenging contexts. These include regular reflection, community support, and a deep rootedness in God's love and purposes.

Key elements of a spirituality fit for the margins:

• Cultivating friendship with God through regular spiritual practices
• Embracing simplicity and detachment from excess
• Developing a capacity for lament and celebration
• Maintaining hope in God's ultimate redemption of all things

6. Community as essential support for sustained friendship at the margins

"Unless our daily experience includes friendship with people who are poor or exploited, it is easy to romanticize those relationships."

Necessity of community. The book emphasizes that sustaining friendships across significant social and economic divides requires the support of a like-minded community. This community provides accountability, shared resources, and emotional support necessary for long-term engagement.

Mutual transformation. By embedding friendships with the vulnerable within a wider community context, both those serving and those being served have opportunities for growth and healing. This approach recognizes that all individuals, regardless of background, have areas of brokenness and need for God's transformative work.

Functions of community in mission:

• Providing accountability and discernment
• Offering emotional and spiritual support
• Creating spaces for shared celebration and lament
• Facilitating long-term presence in challenging contexts

7. Embracing simplicity and celebration in cross-cultural relationships

"Celebration is a sign of the resurrection which gives us strength to carry the cross of each day."

Simplicity as freedom. The authors advocate for a lifestyle of simplicity not as asceticism, but as a means of freedom to engage more fully in relationships across economic divides. By loosening attachments to possessions and status, individuals can more easily enter into genuine friendship with those who have less.

Power of celebration. Drawing on experiences in diverse cultural contexts, the book highlights the importance of shared celebration in building and sustaining cross-cultural friendships. These moments of joy and gratitude serve as foretastes of God's kingdom and provide strength for ongoing engagement in difficult circumstances.

Practices for embracing simplicity and celebration:

• Regular evaluation of personal lifestyle and consumption habits
• Intentional creation of spaces for shared meals and festivities
• Learning to receive hospitality from those with fewer material resources
• Cultivating gratitude as a spiritual discipline

Last updated: August 23, 2024