Who Am I, Really?

Lauren Matthews, a British teenager adopted at age three, is assigned a school essay: "Who am I?" The question triggers a deep sense of uncertainty about her origins. She feels disconnected from her adoptive family, especially her mother, and wonders about her biological roots. Lauren's curiosity is not just academic; it's existential, as she struggles to define herself without knowing her past. This internal conflict sets the stage for her journey, as she realizes that understanding her identity means uncovering the truth about her adoption and the life she left behind.

The Missing Poster Discovery

While procrastinating on her essay, Lauren stumbles upon a missing children's website. She finds a listing for "Martha Lauren Purditt," an American girl who disappeared at age three—around the same time Lauren was adopted. The resemblance is uncanny, and the details almost match. This discovery shakes Lauren to her core, planting the idea that she might be a missing child from America. The possibility that her entire life is built on a lie becomes an obsession, and she confides in her best friend, Jam, who helps her investigate further.

Secrets and Suspicions

Lauren's questions about her past create tension at home. Her adoptive parents are evasive, and her mother is especially defensive. Lauren's relationship with her younger brother, Rory, is strained by her emotional turmoil. She discovers references to a mysterious "Marchfield" and a woman named Sonia Holtwood in her mother's diaries, suggesting there's more to her adoption than she's been told. The secrecy and half-truths from her parents only fuel Lauren's determination to uncover the truth, even as she fears what she might find.

The Marchfield Clue

With Jam's help, Lauren sneaks into her mother's attic and finds old diaries. She learns she was adopted through the Marchfield Adoption Agency in Vermont, USA, and that Sonia Holtwood played a key role. The diaries reveal her parents' desperation for a child and their willingness to "bend the rules." Lauren realizes her adoption was not as straightforward as she'd been told. The Marchfield business card becomes her next lead, and she resolves to go to America to find answers, setting the stage for a transatlantic quest.

Hypnosis and Memories

Desperate for clues, Lauren turns to Jam's eccentric mother, Carla, who practices hypnotherapy. Under hypnosis, Lauren recalls a vivid memory of a woman with long black hair on a sunlit beach—her real mother, she believes. The memory is emotionally powerful, reinforcing Lauren's conviction that she is Martha Purditt. This experience deepens her longing for her birth family and gives her the emotional impetus to pursue the truth, no matter the risks or consequences.

The American Adventure

Lauren orchestrates a family holiday to New England, using her brother's obsession with a theme park as cover. When her father backs out, she convinces her mother to let Jam come instead. Once in America, Lauren and Jam break away from the family and travel to Marchfield, Vermont, to visit the adoption agency. The journey is fraught with anxiety, logistical challenges, and the ever-present fear of being discovered. Their friendship is tested as they navigate unfamiliar territory, both literally and emotionally.

The Adoption Agency Wall

At the Marchfield Adoption Agency, Lauren and Jam encounter Taylor Tarsen, the director. He refuses to give Lauren any information, citing legal restrictions and a non-disclosure request from her birth mother. The agency's evasiveness and Tarsen's odd behavior raise suspicions. Jam manages to locate the file index, but Lauren's official file is missing or empty. The wall of secrecy is nearly impenetrable, and the only clue they find is a scrap of paper with a partial address—another breadcrumb in their search.

Breaking In, Breaking Down

Determined to get answers, Lauren and Jam break into the agency at night. They find Lauren's file, but it's empty except for a torn address: "Apt. 34, 10904 Lincoln Hei…" and the word "Leaving." As they flee, they're watched by Tarsen, who does nothing to stop them. The break-in marks a turning point: Lauren's quest is now not just about identity, but survival. The address leads them to Leavington, a rundown town, where they hope to find Sonia Holtwood.

The Trail to Sonia

In Leavington, Lauren and Jam find Sonia's old apartment, but she's long gone. An elderly neighbor, Bettina, remembers Sonia and a quiet, sad little girl—Lauren. Bettina's memories confirm Lauren's suspicions: Sonia was not a loving mother, and Lauren's early years were marked by neglect. With no money left and nowhere to go, Lauren and Jam are picked up by a woman posing as a police officer—who turns out to be Sonia herself, in disguise. The danger becomes immediate and real.

The Kidnapper Revealed

Sonia, revealed as Lauren's kidnapper, drugs and abducts Lauren and Jam, driving them deep into the snowy Vermont woods. She confesses to stealing Lauren for money, showing no remorse. Sonia abandons them in the freezing wilderness, intending for them to die and erase the evidence of her crimes. Lauren and Jam's relationship is strained to the breaking point as they face the possibility of death, but their bond ultimately helps them survive.

Lost in the Woods

Near death from exposure, Lauren and Jam are rescued by Glane, a reclusive but kind-hearted woodsman. In Glane's cabin, they recover physically and emotionally. Lauren reflects on her memories, her longing for her real mother, and the meaning of family. Glane's wisdom helps Lauren see that identity is not just about blood, but about the people who care for you. The experience in the woods becomes a crucible, forging Lauren's resilience and clarity about what she wants.

Rescue and Reflection

Lauren and Jam make their way to safety and contact the authorities. Lauren is reunited with her adoptive parents, but the truth about her origins can no longer be denied. DNA tests confirm she is Martha Lauren Purditt, the missing American girl. The revelation brings both joy and pain: Lauren is torn between two families, two countries, and two versions of herself. The legal and emotional complexities of her situation come to the fore, as both families must navigate the fallout.

DNA and Double Lives

The authorities place Lauren with her birth family, the Purditts, while her adoptive parents face investigation. Lauren struggles to connect with her birth mother, Annie, and her siblings, especially her troubled sister Shelby and sweet, vulnerable Madison. The Purditts' grief and hope are palpable, but Lauren feels like an outsider. Meanwhile, her adoptive parents fight for custody, and Lauren is forced to confront the reality that she cannot have both lives at once.

Torn Between Two Families

Living with the Purditts, Lauren experiences both kindness and hostility. Shelby bullies Madison, and Lauren intervenes, deepening her bond with her youngest sister. Lauren's longing for her adoptive family intensifies, and she feels guilty for hurting both sets of parents. The legal process drags on, and Lauren is pressured to choose where she wants to live. The emotional stakes are higher than ever, as Lauren realizes that love and loyalty are not as simple as biology.

Sisterhood and Sacrifice

Lauren's relationship with Madison becomes central. When Madison is endangered by Shelby's jealousy and later by Sonia's return, Lauren risks everything to save her. The final confrontation with Sonia—who tries to kill Lauren and Madison—forces Lauren to act with courage and selflessness. The ordeal cements Lauren's sense of responsibility and love for her siblings, and she finally sees her birth mother, Annie, not as an idealized figure, but as a real, flawed, loving person.

The Final Confrontation

Sonia is apprehended after a dramatic rescue, and the truth about Lauren's abduction and the illegal adoption is fully revealed. Both Taylor Tarsen and Sonia face justice. Lauren's adoptive parents are exonerated, and the legal system must decide her future. The families, once adversaries, begin to understand each other's pain and motivations. Lauren's ordeal becomes a catalyst for healing, forgiveness, and new beginnings.

Choosing Home

In the aftermath, Lauren is given the choice of where to live. She refuses to choose one family over the other, insisting on a life that includes both. The families agree to share custody, and Lauren divides her time between England and America. She and Jam become a couple, and Lauren finally writes her "Who am I?" essay with confidence. She is no longer "girl, missing," but "girl, found"—a survivor who has claimed her own story.

Characters

Lauren Matthews / Martha Lauren Purditt

Lauren is the protagonist, a fourteen-year-old British girl whose adoption at age three left her with a profound sense of disconnection. Intelligent, stubborn, and emotionally intense, Lauren's quest for her origins is driven by a need to understand herself. Her relationships—with her adoptive family, her best friend Jam, and later her birth family—are complex and fraught with loyalty, guilt, and longing. Lauren's psychological journey is one of integration: she must reconcile her past and present, her two families, and her own sense of self. Her development is marked by courage, vulnerability, and a growing capacity for empathy and forgiveness.

Jam Caldwell

Jam is Lauren's best friend and eventual romantic interest. Supportive, resourceful, and sometimes sarcastic, Jam is Lauren's confidant and partner in her quest. His own family life is troubled—his father is absent, and his mother is eccentric—making him both independent and emotionally guarded. Jam's loyalty to Lauren is unwavering, even when their friendship is tested by danger and disagreement. He provides practical help, emotional support, and, ultimately, love. Jam's journey is about finding belonging and self-worth, both with Lauren and within himself.

Annie Purditt

Annie is Lauren's birth mother, an American woman haunted by the loss of her daughter. Her life has been defined by grief, guilt, and an obsessive search for Lauren. Annie's psychological state is fragile; she is both nurturing and overbearing, struggling to connect with Lauren as a teenager rather than the toddler she lost. Annie's journey is one of letting go—of her idealized image of her daughter, of her anger, and of her need to control. Her love for Lauren is fierce but flawed, and her eventual acceptance of Lauren's dual identity is an act of profound growth.

Sam Purditt

Sam is Annie's husband and Lauren's birth father. He is calm, supportive, and less emotionally volatile than Annie. Sam's approach to Lauren is gentle and patient, providing a stabilizing influence in the tumultuous family dynamic. He is deeply affected by Lauren's return but recognizes the need for compromise and understanding. Sam's relationship with Lauren is built slowly, based on respect and shared experiences.

Shelby Purditt

Shelby is Lauren's younger birth sister, initially hostile and resentful of Lauren's return. Her aggression masks insecurity and a fear of being replaced. Shelby's bullying of Madison and antagonism toward Lauren are expressions of her own pain. Over time, Shelby's character softens as she confronts her actions and begins to accept Lauren as part of the family. Her development is a testament to the power of empathy and change.

Madison Purditt

Madison is Lauren's youngest birth sister, sweet, imaginative, and emotionally vulnerable. She becomes the emotional heart of the story, representing both the innocence lost and the possibility of healing. Madison's bond with Lauren is immediate and deep, and her endangerment by Sonia brings out Lauren's protective instincts. Madison's recovery and resilience are central to the family's reconciliation.

Sonia Holtwood / Marcia Burns

Sonia is the antagonist, the woman who kidnapped Lauren as a child and later tries to kill her to cover her tracks. Sonia is cunning, remorseless, and driven by greed. Her actions are the catalyst for Lauren's entire journey, and her eventual capture brings closure to the story. Sonia represents the dark side of human nature—selfishness, exploitation, and the capacity for harm.

Taylor Tarsen

Tarsen is the director of the Marchfield Adoption Agency, who facilitates Lauren's illegal adoption. He is evasive, self-serving, and ultimately exposed as part of the criminal network. Tarsen's character highlights the systemic failures and ethical gray areas in adoption and child welfare.

Glane

Glane is the reclusive man who saves Lauren and Jam in the Vermont woods. He is practical, kind, and philosophical, offering Lauren a new perspective on family and identity. Glane's role is that of a mentor, helping Lauren see beyond her immediate pain to the larger truths of love and belonging.

Lauren's Adoptive Parents (Mum and Dad)

Lauren's British adoptive parents are desperate for a child and willing to break the rules to have one. Their secrecy and defensiveness create conflict, but their love for Lauren is genuine. Their journey is one of reckoning with their choices, seeking forgiveness, and ultimately supporting Lauren's need for both families.

Plot Devices

Dual Identity and Missing Child Trope

The central device is Lauren's dual identity: she is both Lauren Matthews and Martha Lauren Purditt. The missing child trope is used to create suspense and emotional stakes, as Lauren's quest to uncover her past becomes a matter of life and death. The tension between her two identities is mirrored in the legal and emotional battles between her families.

Epistolary and Investigative Structure

The story unfolds through Lauren's discoveries—diaries, online searches, official documents, and personal memories. Each clue leads to the next, creating a sense of investigation and urgency. The use of technology (websites, texts, emails) grounds the story in the modern world and makes Lauren's quest relatable.

Psychological Realism and Memory

Lauren's memories, both repressed and recovered, are key to her understanding of herself. Hypnotherapy sessions and dream sequences provide insight into her subconscious, blurring the line between past and present. This device allows the narrative to explore trauma, healing, and the construction of identity.

Foreshadowing and Red Herrings

Early references to Sonia, Marchfield, and the closed adoption foreshadow the revelations to come. Red herrings—such as the possibility that [Lauren's](#lauren-matthews--

Last updated: May 22, 2025