Good Time Girl

1. Embrace the "Good-Time Girl" Within

I’m reclaiming the title as a positive attribute rather than the bludgeon it was originally used as.

Reclaiming the Narrative. Heather Gay redefines the term "Good-Time Girl," transforming it from a derogatory label into a symbol of embracing life's experiences and personal authenticity. This reclamation is a powerful act of self-acceptance and a rejection of societal constraints.

• She was branded a "Good-Time Girl" through a series of misremembered events, but she now embraces the name.
• She acknowledges that the name stung because it reminded her of a life unlived.
• She now sees it as the truest, wildest, most authentic part of herself.

Rejecting Conformity. The book challenges the notion that women must be "good" and "small," advocating for a life filled with adventure, indulgence, and self-expression. This is a call to break free from societal expectations and embrace one's true desires.

• She was taught to be a good girl in a bad world, happy with anything, satisfied with less than her share.
• She learned that good girls were valued for their submission and sweetness, not their independence.
• She now believes that her ambition isn't something to be ashamed of; it might even be her greatest attribute.

Authenticity over Approval. The core message is about living authentically, regardless of societal pressures or past mistakes. This is a journey of self-discovery and self-acceptance, where the goal is to live a life that is true to oneself.

• She is finally honoring not the wildness of the world, but the wildness within her.
• She wants to live her life as authentically as possible while mustering up as much friendship and laughter as she can.
• She is getting a second chance to experience the unlived life she longed for.

2. Longing for More Than "Very Happy"

I don’t want to get married, have children, and be “very happy.” I want to be a superstar. I want to live an extraordinary life.

Rejecting Mediocrity. Heather's letter to her friend reveals a deep-seated fear of mediocrity and a longing for an extraordinary life, challenging the conventional path of marriage and motherhood. This is a powerful statement of ambition and a rejection of societal expectations.

• She confides her fears and dreams, acknowledging the real her screaming to get out.
• She doesn't want to be normal, but feels pulled toward it daily.
• She wants to be a superstar, to live an extraordinary life, and is afraid of not accomplishing it.

Internal Conflict. The letter highlights the internal conflict between her spiritual upbringing and her desire for a bigger life, showcasing the struggle between societal expectations and personal aspirations. This internal battle is a central theme in her journey.

• She feels that her ambitions are contrary to the laws of God and the laws of the Gospel.
• She knows her divine role is not to change the world, but to build a family.
• She is wrestling with the ever-present battle of carnal versus spiritual that has haunted her all her life.

Embracing Ambition. The letter is a testament to the power of ambition and the courage to seek a life beyond the ordinary, even when it contradicts deeply ingrained beliefs. This is a call to embrace one's true desires and pursue a life that is both fulfilling and meaningful.

• She is ready for reality: namely Men, Music, and Movies.
• She looks forward to the cocoon of fellow saints and eternal family, gospel topics other than baptism and church attendance.
• She is ready to come home, and believes her spiritual awareness will grow as a direct result of being home.

3. Finding Wonder in the Mundane

I’ve always been a true romantic and have viewed my life through rose-colored lenses, waiting anxiously to partake in all of its untold wonder.

Imagination and Escape. Heather's childhood was marked by a vivid imagination and a longing for adventure, transforming ordinary experiences into extraordinary ones. This ability to find wonder in the mundane is a key aspect of her personality.

• She dreamed of the world beyond her horizon, diving into books like they were happening to her in real life.
• She found everything outside of her immediate purview as something new, exotic, and unique that she needed to absorb.
• She viewed everything in her life like a novel unfolding with equal parts romance and main-character energy.

Road Trip Adventures. Her family road trips, particularly the one to San Bernardino, were filled with a sense of adventure and discovery, highlighting her ability to find magic in unexpected places. This is a testament to her optimistic and romantic view of life.

• She loved the name San Bernardino, and it rolled off her tongue.
• She was pretty sure it would be swimming with stars!
• She felt like she had instantly become a member of the Swiss Family Robinson exploring a new land.

Transformative Experiences. Even seemingly ordinary events, like a baseball tournament or a motel stay, became opportunities for exploration and wonder, showcasing her ability to find joy and excitement in everyday life. This is a reminder that adventure can be found anywhere, if you know where to look.

• She loved baseball games because she loved the Snack Shack.
• She was holding a frog in her bare hands. Was that not in itself a tiny miracle?
• Her soul was expanding, and she was doing things she’d never done before.

4. The Weight of Hidden Secrets

Keeping secrets has always been a part of my life.

Shame and Silence. Heather's experience with chronic bedwetting highlights the burden of keeping secrets and the shame that often accompanies them. This is a powerful exploration of the impact of hidden struggles on one's self-perception.

• She can’t remember a time when she didn’t feel like she had something to hide.
• She had to cover up her bedwetting and couldn’t change it no matter how hard she tried.
• She tells herself that her silence is about nobility or integrity, but really it’s more about survival and fear.

Failed Solutions. The various attempts to "cure" her bedwetting, from therapy to alarms, underscore the futility of trying to fix something that is simply a part of who she is. This is a reminder that some things cannot be changed, only accepted.

• Her mom took her to a therapist, afraid that bedwetting was a symptom of molestation or abuse.
• She took her to a urologist, to determine if there was a medical explanation.
• She researched hypnotherapy and tough love, punishment and reward, but nothing seemed to work.

Acceptance and Freedom. The eventual resolution of her bedwetting, coupled with her ability to share her story, represents a journey toward self-acceptance and freedom from shame. This is a testament to the power of vulnerability and the importance of embracing one's true self.

• When she finally woke up dry consistently, it felt like magic.
• She had not known the weight (or the wet) of it all until she finally felt the freedom.
• She now feels an immediate kinship with others who have experienced bedwetting.

5. The Power of a Name and Identity

Miss Kirk was only twenty-three, a far cry from being a spinster. But that didn’t prevent the shadow of it all from looming over her head.

Societal Expectations. The story of Miss Kirk becoming Mrs. Sanders illustrates how societal expectations can erase a woman's individual identity, highlighting the pressure to conform to traditional roles. This is a critique of the limited options often presented to women.

• Her former life had vanished with one swipe of the eraser.
• Her single life was spun into a cautionary tale rather than a great destiny.
• Her classroom courtship was turned into a success story of a woman being rescued from herself.

The Weight of Titles. The distinctions between "Miss," "Ms.," and "Mrs." reveal the power of titles to define a woman's status and worth, showcasing the societal emphasis on marital status. This is a commentary on the limited ways women are often perceived.

• “Miss” to “Mrs.” without a stopover at “Ms.”
• “Ms.” was more intriguing than Miss, but it couldn’t hold a candle to Mrs.
• “Mrs.” was so powerful, in fact, that it could replace your entire name and identity.

Reclaiming Individuality. The narrative celebrates women who defy these expectations, embracing their individuality and ambition, and redefining what it means to be a woman outside of traditional roles. This is a call to honor the unique paths and passions of all women.

• Spinsters are women who turn straw into gold.
• The women she wants to be like are goddamn cheetahs: pioneers who have traded their dog-eared copies of Dr. Laura Schlessinger’s The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands for a coffee-stained, heavily annotated copy of Glennon Doyle’s Untamed.
• She hopes that Miss Kirk continued crafting her homemade plant holders and taught her own kids to macramé.

6. The Allure of the Forbidden

What happens in Tijuana stays in Tijuana.

Breaking Boundaries. The trip to Tijuana represents a desire to break free from societal constraints and explore the forbidden, highlighting the allure of experiences outside of one's comfort zone. This is a testament to the human desire for adventure and self-discovery.

• She wanted to pretend to dance with danger.
• She could buy anything she wanted, indulge in every desire she felt, and do it all under a cloak of invisibility.
• She felt, for the first time, like a citizen of the world.

The Power of Anonymity. The anonymity of a foreign place allows for a temporary escape from the expectations and judgments of one's everyday life, showcasing the appeal of being someone else, even if just for a moment. This is a reminder of the power of anonymity to liberate and embolden.

• No one here looked like her, spoke like her, or knew anything about her and the way she was supposed to behave.
• She could go anywhere, do anything, and experience it all!
• She was floating on air, pretending to be a world traveler.

Consequences and Reflection. The aftermath of the Tijuana trip, particularly the abandonment of Katie, reveals the consequences of impulsive behavior and the importance of responsibility. This is a reminder that freedom should not come at the expense of others.

• She had completely forgotten about Katie!
• They were five hours behind schedule.
• Katie’s sunburnt face and hands were a reminder of how hot Hell’s fires burn for sinners.

7. Mentors Can Appear in Unexpected Forms

She was a rock star. And I mean that literally.

Challenging Expectations. Martha Bourne, with her unconventional style and worldview, challenges Heather's preconceived notions of what a mentor should be, highlighting the importance of looking beyond stereotypes. This is a reminder that wisdom and guidance can come from unexpected places.

• She was not the sorority girl she had anticipated.
• She was not the type of girl she’d pictured as her mentor.
• She was a mashup of Amy Ray from the Indigo Girls and a young k.d. lang.

Authenticity and Acceptance. Martha's authenticity and acceptance of Heather, despite their differences, provide a safe space for self-discovery and growth, showcasing the power of genuine connection. This is a testament to the importance of being seen and valued for who you truly are.

• She talked to her like an equal even though she was a worldly twenty-seven and she was a naive eighteen.
• She treated her like she was smart and funny and cool and capable of anything.
• She was a portal into another world, another life, another future.

Breaking Down Barriers. Martha's life, as a musician and a lesbian, breaks down Heather's implicit biases and expands her understanding of what it means to be a woman, highlighting the importance of challenging one's own assumptions. This is a call to embrace diversity and open oneself to new perspectives.

• She didn’t know that, as women, we were allowed to be many things at one time.
• She was drawn to her creativity, her ambition, her fearlessness, and her talent.
• She was a bonfire, and she was just an ember.

8. The Illusion of Perfection

I was a Mormon goddammit. And this was life as it had been laid out for me—grander and greater than any romantic dream.

Idealized Expectations. The pursuit of a perfect Mormon life, as exemplified by the desire to be a "Cinnamon Girl" for Alan Smithson, reveals the unrealistic expectations and self-imposed pressures that can lead to disappointment. This is a critique of the pursuit of an unattainable ideal.

• She wanted to fall in love with a professor the way she’d seen it happen on screen, but if she did, he’d have to marry her.
• She was settling for him, but that didn’t matter in the grand scheme of things.
• She tried to communicate through her eyes that Neil Young had infiltrated every cell of her body.

The Reality of Rejection. The rejection by Alan, despite her efforts to conform to his ideal, highlights the futility of trying to be someone you're not and the importance of self-acceptance. This is a reminder that true connection comes from authenticity, not conformity.

• He didn’t need a girl to labor over every word in every lecture.
• He was perfectly capable of seeing what he wanted, going after it, and getting it.
• She had wasted the entire semester in his class pining after a man that didn’t even know she existed.

Self-Betrayal. The experience underscores the danger of sacrificing one's true self in pursuit of an idealized version of love or success, highlighting the importance of staying true to one's own desires and values. This is a call to embrace one's individuality and reject the pressure to conform.

• She had tried to sparkle, to shine, to show him her personality quirks that would blend so effortlessly with his, but she never once considered whether or not he actually noticed any of it.
• She was not a piece of bread in front of a starving man.
• She was like a rib eye with a side of mashed potatoes and broccolini serving herself up to a vegetarian.

9. The Unfolding of a Second Chance

I’m getting a second chance to experience the unlived life I longed for.

Reclaiming the Past. The book is a journey of reclaiming the unlived life she longed for, embracing the "Good-Time Girl" within, and finding joy in the present. This is a testament to the power of second chances and the possibility of creating a fulfilling life.

• She is finally honoring not the wildness of the world, but the wildness within her.
• She is not afraid to embrace it . . . Honor Code, what?!
• She is getting a second chance to experience the unlived life she longed for.

Embracing Authenticity. The narrative emphasizes the importance of living authentically, without hiding or fronting, and embracing one's true self, regardless of past mistakes or societal expectations. This is a call to live a life that is true to one's own values and desires.

• There is no amount of hiding or fronting that can truly change who you are meant to be.
• It doesn’t matter if you’re good, bad, or Mormon; at the end of the day, she just wants to live her life as authentically as possible.
• She is embracing the nickname not for all that it promised to be, but for all that it’s proven to become.

Finding Meaning in the Present. The book is a celebration of the present moment, filled with friendship, laughter, and the pursuit of a life that is both meaningful and joyful. This is a reminder that happiness can be found in the here and now, if you are willing to embrace it.

• She just wants to live her life as authentically as possible while mustering up as much friendship and laughter as she can.
• There’s nothing more honorable than that.
• She is finally honoring not the wildness of the world, but the wildness within her.

10. The Importance of Authenticity Over Approval

I didn’t get here because I betrayed my church or my family; I got here because I stopped betraying myself.

Self-Betrayal. The book highlights the dangers of betraying one's true self in order to conform to societal or religious expectations, emphasizing the importance of authenticity over approval. This is a call to prioritize one's own values and desires over external pressures.

• She tried to fill her bucket with enough illicit reserves to get her through the life that was planned for her, but it wasn’t enough.
• She had to give up the safety and control that she’d been taught to aspire to.
• She stopped betraying herself.

The Illusion of Blessings. The narrative challenges the notion that success and happiness are contingent upon adhering to specific religious or societal norms, advocating for a life that is true to one's own values. This is a rejection of the idea that blessings are only bestowed upon those who conform.

• The Mormon part of her still clings to the belief that her current success and happiness are not real.
• That any temporary blessings are fruit from the Poison Tree and can never last.
• She is trying to remember that this is a lie.

True Fulfillment. The book emphasizes that true fulfillment comes from embracing one's authentic self, rather than seeking external validation or approval. This is a reminder that happiness is an inside job and that it is found in living a life that is true to one's own heart.

• She didn’t get here because she betrayed her church or her family; she got here because she stopped betraying herself.
• She is beginning to believe that her ambition isn’t something to be ashamed of; it might even be her greatest attribute.
• She is trying to remember that this is a lie.

11. The Complexity of Female Relationships

I’m still the same person I’ve always been, but now the doors have been opened to live the life I dreamed of.

Conflicting Emotions. The relationships with other women, particularly with Lisa Barlow, are marked by a mix of admiration, competition, and judgment, highlighting the complexities of female friendships. This is a realistic portrayal of the challenges and rewards of female relationships.

• She was called a Good-Time Girl. The name stung not only because it was untrue, but also because it reminded her of a life unlived.
• Lisa Barlow discovered that her neighbor knew her.
• Lisa proceeded to conflate a lot of the details.

Misunderstandings and Assumptions. The misinterpretations and assumptions that arise in these relationships underscore the importance of clear communication and understanding, showcasing the potential for miscommunication and conflict. This is a reminder that assumptions can often lead to misunderstandings.

• Lisa assumed that this was a tale about college coeds in their early twenties.
• Suddenly, she was a Good-Time Girl: “Heather Gay thinks every day is Mardi Gras at BYU”; “Honor Code, what?!”
• Boobs and blankets at twelve somehow turned into flashing and flirting at twenty.

Growth and Acceptance. Despite the challenges, these relationships also provide opportunities for growth and self-discovery, highlighting the importance of female friendships in navigating life's complexities. This is a testament to the power of female bonds and the importance of supporting one another.

• Once she didn’t have to hide, she realized that Lisa Barlow had it right all along.
• She was born a Good-Time Girl, and now she’s less afraid to say it out loud.
• It’s easily the truest, wildest, most authentic part of herself.

12. The Power of Self-Acceptance

I’ve always wanted to grab the world with both hands and never let it go, but I felt ashamed and guilty for wanting those things.

Embracing Imperfection. The book is a journey of embracing one's imperfections and accepting oneself fully, flaws and all, highlighting the importance of self-compassion. This is a call to reject the pursuit of perfection and embrace the beauty of imperfection.

• She felt ashamed and guilty for wanting those things.
• She tried to hide who she was like the world’s worst-kept secret.
• It’s taken her years to realize this.

Permission to Be Yourself. The experience of being on television has given her permission to embrace herself fully, to live out her wildest dreams, and to not apologize for it. This is a testament to the power of self-acceptance and the importance of living a life that is true to oneself.

• Being on television has given her privilege and access like she’s never had before.
• More than that it’s given her permission to embrace herself fully.
• She’s finally returned to the little girl who wasn’t afraid to be unabashedly herself.

Authenticity and Freedom. The book is a celebration of authenticity and the freedom that comes from embracing one's true self, regardless of societal pressures or past mistakes. This is a reminder that true happiness is found in living a life that is both meaningful and authentic.

• You can’t outrun yourself. Wherever you go, there you are.
• She is finally honoring not the wildness of the world, but the wildness within her.
• She’ll wear her scarlet “GTG” proudly emblazoned on her chest, and she’ll be delighted that she finally feels welcome.

Last updated: May 6, 2025