How to Meet Your Self

1. Reconnect with your authentic self through conscious awareness

"Consciousness is the act of becoming aware of your thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations."

Develop self-awareness. Practicing consciousness allows you to observe your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations without judgment. This awareness creates space between your habitual reactions and conscious choices, enabling you to align with your authentic self.

Daily consciousness check-in. Set reminders throughout your day to pause and ask yourself:

• What am I doing?
• Where is my attention/what am I paying attention to?
• If I'm lost in thought, what am I thinking?

By consistently practicing this check-in, you'll begin to notice patterns in your thoughts and behaviors, allowing you to make more intentional choices aligned with your true self.

2. Understand your conditioning and the impact of childhood experiences

"Our conditioning exists within our subconscious mind, and it holds all the stories about who we think we are."

Recognize inherited beliefs. Our childhood experiences shape our beliefs about ourselves, others, and the world. These beliefs, often formed before we could consciously choose them, create a filter through which we interpret our experiences and make decisions.

Explore your conditioning. Reflect on the following areas to uncover your inherited beliefs:

• Race and ethnicity
• Religion or spirituality
• Relationships
• Gender roles
• Emotions
• Money
• Vocation/purpose
• Worldview
• Sexuality and physical affection
• Beauty ideals

By becoming aware of these beliefs, you can begin to question their validity and choose new perspectives that align with your authentic self.

3. Regulate your nervous system to create safety in your body

"When we are conscious, we are more aware of what we think, how we feel, and how we behave."

Understand nervous system states. Your nervous system can be in one of three states:

1. Safe and social (parasympathetic ventral vagal)
2. Fight-or-flight (sympathetic)
3. Freeze or dissociate (parasympathetic dorsal vagal)

Practice regulation techniques. To create safety in your body and access your authentic self, try these exercises:

• Physiological sigh: Two quick inhales through the nose followed by a long exhale through the mouth
• Muscle relaxation: Tense and release different muscle groups
• Expanded range of eye motion: Move your eyes in different directions while keeping your head still
• Self-soothing touch: Place your hands on your heart, neck, or face
• Bilateral brain stimulation: Engage in activities that activate both hemispheres of the brain

Regularly practicing these techniques will help you develop resilience and the ability to return to a state of calm and safety.

4. Identify and transform your core beliefs and emotional patterns

"Our ego is highly protective of our core beliefs and when these beliefs are challenged, it often responds with emotional reactivity."

Uncover your core beliefs. Explore your beliefs about:

• Your self-worth
• Your abilities and potential
• Your relationships with others
• The world around you

Witness your emotional patterns. Notice how you typically react to stressful situations or emotional triggers. Do you tend to:

• Avoid or suppress emotions?
• Overreact or become defensive?
• Shut down or dissociate?
• People-please or fawn?

By identifying these patterns, you can begin to challenge and transform unhelpful beliefs and reactions, creating space for more authentic responses.

5. Cultivate self-compassion and embrace your inner child

"Our inner child needs to be seen, heard, and acknowledged—to simply be who they are."

Practice self-compassion. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a friend. When facing difficulties, try:

• Taking deep breaths to calm your nervous system
• Giving yourself a hug or using self-soothing touch
• Writing an encouraging letter to yourself
• Reminding yourself that you're doing your best and that it's okay to make mistakes

Connect with your inner child. Acknowledge and nurture the wounded parts of yourself that still carry unmet childhood needs. Try:

• Writing a letter to your younger self
• Engaging in activities you enjoyed as a child
• Practicing positive self-talk and affirmations that address your inner child's needs

By developing a compassionate relationship with yourself and your inner child, you create a foundation for authentic self-expression and growth.

6. Discover your values, purpose, and unique gifts

"Discovering and understanding your core values and purpose will allow you to create a life in alignment with who you are at your core—the highest and most authentic version of you—the version you are here to discover and become."

Identify your core values. Reflect on what matters most to you in life. Consider areas such as:

• Personal growth
• Relationships
• Creativity
• Integrity
• Adventure
• Compassion
• Justice

Explore your purpose. Ask yourself:

• What makes you happiest?
• When do you feel most fulfilled?
• How do you want to be remembered?
• What do you want to accomplish in life?

Uncover your unique gifts. Pay attention to:

• Activities that bring you into a state of flow
• Skills that come naturally to you
• Compliments you frequently receive from others
• Moments when you feel most alive and energized

By aligning your life with your values, purpose, and unique gifts, you'll naturally express your authentic self and experience greater fulfillment.

7. Build healthy relationships through boundaries and interdependence

"Interdependence is a state of interconnectedness to others and the world around us."

Establish healthy boundaries. Boundaries are essential for maintaining your sense of self while connecting with others. Practice:

• Identifying your physical, emotional, and resource boundaries
• Communicating your needs and limits clearly
• Respecting others' boundaries

Cultivate interdependence. In healthy relationships, both parties can:

• Maintain their individual identities
• Express themselves authentically
• Support each other's growth and well-being
• Navigate conflicts with respect and understanding

By developing strong boundaries and fostering interdependence, you create relationships that honor your authentic self while allowing for deep connection with others.

8. Harness creativity and play to access your true self

"Engaging with our innate creativity helps us to solve problems in a new way, to have innovative ideas, to improve our ability to focus, to decrease our stress (producing an effect similar to that of meditation), and even to encourage learning."

Embrace creativity. Creativity is not limited to artistic pursuits; it's about expressing your unique perspective and ideas. Try:

• Journaling or free writing
• Experimenting with different art forms
• Approaching problems from new angles
• Engaging in brainstorming sessions

Make time for play. Play is crucial for accessing your authentic self and reducing stress. Incorporate play into your life by:

• Engaging in activities purely for enjoyment
• Being spontaneous and silly
• Trying new hobbies or games
• Spending time in nature

By nurturing your creativity and playfulness, you open yourself to new possibilities and a deeper connection with your authentic self.

9. Practice self-expression and align your actions with your authentic self

"The more you get to know your true, authentic Self (as you've been doing throughout this journey), the more able you are to make and embody choices that outwardly express and celebrate this magnificent, unique being that is you."

Cultivate authentic self-expression. Pay attention to areas where you may be censoring yourself, such as:

• Sharing your thoughts and opinions
• Expressing your emotions
• Pursuing your interests and passions
• Dressing or presenting yourself in ways that feel true to you

Align your actions with your values. Regularly check in with yourself to ensure your choices reflect your authentic self:

• Are your daily habits supporting your well-being and growth?
• Do your relationships honor your values and boundaries?
• Is your work or career aligned with your purpose and strengths?
• Are you making time for activities that bring you joy and fulfillment?

By consistently expressing your authentic self and making choices that align with your values, you create a life that feels genuine and meaningful.

Last updated: November 30, 2024