It Didn't Start with You

1. Uncover the hidden language of inherited family trauma

The unconscious insists, repeats, and practically breaks down the door, to be heard.

Core language reveals inherited trauma. Our deepest fears, recurring thoughts, and unexplained behaviors often stem from unresolved traumas in our family history. These traumas can be passed down through generations, influencing our lives in ways we may not realize. By identifying and decoding our "core language" - the words and phrases that carry emotional weight - we can trace these inherited patterns back to their origins.

Scientific evidence supports transgenerational trauma. Recent studies in epigenetics and neuroscience have shown that traumatic experiences can alter gene expression, affecting future generations. For example:

• Children of Holocaust survivors show altered stress hormone levels similar to their parents
• Mice studies demonstrate that fear responses can be inherited through DNA methylation
• Trauma experienced during pregnancy can affect fetal brain development

Awareness is the first step to healing. By recognizing that our core fears may not originate with us, we can begin to disentangle ourselves from inherited family traumas. This awareness allows us to reframe our experiences and open new pathways for personal growth and healing.

2. Recognize how core sentences shape our fears and behaviors

The very cave you are afraid to enter turns out to be the source of what you are looking for.

Core sentences reveal our deepest fears. These short, emotionally charged statements often begin with "I" or "They" and express our worst-case scenarios. Examples include:

• "I'll be abandoned"
• "They'll reject me"
• "I'll lose everything"

Identifying core sentences unlocks healing. By speaking our core sentences aloud and feeling their emotional impact, we can trace them back to their origins in family history. This process often reveals connections to traumatic events or unresolved issues from previous generations.

Reframing core sentences transforms our lives. Once we understand the source of our core sentences, we can create new, healing sentences that support our growth and well-being. This shift in perspective allows us to break free from limiting beliefs and behaviors inherited from our family history.

3. Understand the impact of early separation from mothers

The distance from your pain, your grief, your unattended wounds, is the distance from your partner.

Early maternal separation affects lifelong bonding. Interruptions in the early bond between mother and child - whether physical or emotional - can create lasting impacts on a person's ability to form secure attachments and navigate relationships. These separations can occur due to:

• Hospitalizations
• Postpartum depression
• Adoption
• Traumatic events affecting the mother

Recognizing separation trauma enables healing. By identifying the core language associated with early separation, individuals can begin to understand the source of their relationship difficulties and anxiety. Common themes include fear of abandonment, difficulty trusting others, and feeling unworthy of love.

Rebuilding the maternal bond heals relationships. Through visualization exercises, healing sentences, and conscious efforts to rebuild trust, individuals can repair the early maternal bond - even if the mother is no longer living. This process opens the door to healthier relationships and greater emotional stability.

4. Identify unconscious family loyalties affecting relationships

Folk wisdom is filled with ghosts who refuse to rest in their graves until their stories are told.

Unconscious loyalties shape our relationship patterns. We often unknowingly repeat the relationship dynamics, struggles, and traumas of our ancestors. These patterns can manifest as:

• Difficulty committing to relationships
• Repeatedly choosing partners who mirror our parents' qualities
• Sabotaging our own happiness to remain loyal to family suffering

Family genograms reveal hidden connections. By mapping out our family tree and noting significant events, traumas, and relationship patterns, we can identify the unconscious loyalties influencing our lives. This visual representation often reveals striking similarities across generations.

Breaking loyalty patterns frees us to love. Once we recognize the unconscious loyalties at play, we can consciously choose to break these patterns. This might involve:

• Acknowledging and honoring past family traumas
• Creating new, healthy relationship models
• Giving ourselves permission to be happier than our ancestors

5. Break free from inherited patterns limiting success

Who looks outside dreams; who looks inside awakes.

Family history can hinder success. Unconscious loyalties to family members who struggled financially, failed in business, or experienced poverty can limit our own ability to achieve success. These patterns might manifest as:

• Self-sabotage
• Chronic underearning
• Fear of outshining family members

Identify success-blocking core language. Pay attention to recurring thoughts and beliefs about money, success, and self-worth. Common themes include:

• "I don't deserve to have more than my parents"
• "Success will make me different from my family"
• "I'm not good enough to succeed"

Create new success narratives. Once we identify limiting beliefs inherited from our family history, we can consciously create new narratives that support our success. This might involve:

• Acknowledging and honoring ancestors' struggles
• Giving ourselves permission to thrive
• Visualizing success as a way to honor our family's sacrifices

6. Create healing sentences and rituals for transformation

Imagination is the beginning of creation.

Healing sentences rewrite our internal script. By crafting and repeating positive affirmations that directly address our core fears, we can begin to shift our beliefs and behaviors. Examples include:

• "I honor my ancestors by living fully"
• "I am worthy of love and success"
• "I release the burdens that don't belong to me"

Rituals anchor new beliefs. Simple, meaningful actions can help integrate our new understanding and reinforce positive changes. Effective rituals might include:

• Lighting a candle to honor ancestors
• Writing letters to deceased family members
• Creating a family altar with photos and meaningful objects

Visualization harnesses the power of imagination. By vividly imagining positive outcomes and supportive relationships with family members (living or deceased), we can create new neural pathways that support healing and growth. Regular visualization practice can lead to lasting changes in our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors.

7. Use core language as a tool for personal growth and healing

The secret language of fear was never about fear at all. The bigger secret is that a great love was just waiting to be excavated the whole time.

Core language is a compass for healing. By paying attention to our most emotionally charged words and phrases, we can uncover the hidden traumas and unresolved issues shaping our lives. This awareness provides a roadmap for personal growth and healing.

Integration is key to lasting change. Simply understanding our core language is not enough; we must actively work to integrate this knowledge into our daily lives. This process involves:

• Regular practice of healing sentences and rituals
• Conscious efforts to break old patterns
• Seeking support from therapists or support groups when needed

Healing ripples through generations. As we heal our own inherited traumas, we create positive changes that can benefit future generations. By breaking cycles of pain and limitation, we offer our children and grandchildren a healthier foundation for their own lives and relationships.

Last updated: July 23, 2024