Key Takeaways
1. Feedback is crucial but challenging: Overcome barriers to give effective feedback
Feedback isn't rocket science. It's harder.
Managers often avoid feedback due to lack of training, fear of damaging relationships, and time constraints. However, effective feedback is crucial for employee growth and organizational success. To overcome these barriers, managers should recognize that feedback is a skill that can be learned and improved. They should prioritize regular feedback conversations, focusing on specific behaviors and their impact. By framing feedback as a collaborative process aimed at growth, managers can create a more positive and productive feedback culture.
Key strategies to improve feedback:
- Prepare thoroughly before feedback conversations
- Focus on specific, observable behaviors
- Discuss impact and consequences
- Collaborate on solutions and next steps
- Follow up regularly to track progress
2. Three types of feedback: Appreciation, coaching, and evaluation
Appreciation is what most of us call positive feedback, praise, or recognition.
Understanding the three types of feedback - appreciation, coaching, and evaluation - is essential for effective communication. Appreciation acknowledges efforts and strengths, boosting morale and motivation. Coaching focuses on improvement and growth, providing guidance for skill development. Evaluation assesses performance against standards, clarifying expectations and progress.
Balancing these types:
- Provide appreciation frequently to build trust and engagement
- Offer coaching regularly to support continuous improvement
- Conduct evaluations periodically to set clear expectations and goals
Managers should strive to use all three types appropriately, tailoring their approach to each employee's needs and the specific situation. This balanced approach ensures that employees feel valued, supported in their growth, and clear about their performance expectations.
3. Side with the person, not the problem: Create a collaborative approach
If you want to give feedback that works, you need to believe people can change.
Adopt a growth mindset when giving feedback, focusing on the potential for improvement rather than fixed traits. This approach encourages a collaborative problem-solving mindset, where both manager and employee work together to address challenges. By siding with the person, managers create an atmosphere of trust and support, making it more likely that the feedback will be well-received and acted upon.
Key practices:
- Focus on specific behaviors, not personality traits
- Use "we" language to emphasize collaboration
- Acknowledge efforts and progress
- Discuss how to overcome obstacles together
- Express confidence in the employee's ability to improve
This approach helps employees feel supported and empowered, rather than criticized or judged. It transforms feedback from a one-sided critique into a collaborative effort to enhance performance and achieve shared goals.
4. Express good intentions explicitly to improve reception
Your good intentions will do a lot more good if the other person hears them.
Clearly state your positive intentions at the beginning of a feedback conversation. This practice helps create a more receptive mindset in the recipient, reducing defensiveness and increasing openness to the feedback. By explicitly expressing that your goal is to help the employee succeed, you frame the feedback as supportive rather than punitive.
Examples of expressing good intentions:
- "I want to see you succeed in this role."
- "My goal is to help you develop your skills further."
- "I'm sharing this because I believe in your potential."
- "I want to ensure you have the tools to excel in your career."
This approach helps build trust and reinforces the idea that feedback is a tool for growth and development, not criticism. It sets a positive tone for the conversation and increases the likelihood that the feedback will be taken constructively.
5. Listen actively to enhance feedback effectiveness
Listen first, feedback later.
Practice active listening to gain a deeper understanding of the employee's perspective and challenges. This approach not only provides valuable context for your feedback but also demonstrates respect and empathy, making the recipient more receptive to your input. Active listening involves fully concentrating on what is being said, understanding the message, and responding thoughtfully.
Key active listening techniques:
- Give your full attention and maintain eye contact
- Use non-verbal cues to show engagement (nodding, leaning in)
- Paraphrase to confirm understanding
- Ask open-ended questions to encourage elaboration
- Avoid interrupting or jumping to conclusions
By listening actively, managers can tailor their feedback more effectively, address underlying issues, and create a more collaborative problem-solving environment. This practice also helps build stronger relationships with employees, fostering trust and open communication.
6. Recognize strengths: The power of appreciation in motivating employees
The highest-performing teams receive a whopping 5.6 pieces of praise for every 1 piece of criticism.
Regularly acknowledge and appreciate employee strengths and contributions. This practice not only boosts morale but also reinforces positive behaviors and encourages continued high performance. Recognition can be as simple as a verbal "thank you" or as formal as a written commendation, but it should be specific, timely, and sincere.
Effective ways to recognize strengths:
- Provide specific examples of strong performance
- Connect individual contributions to team or organizational goals
- Offer public recognition when appropriate
- Use a variety of recognition methods (verbal, written, formal, informal)
- Encourage peer-to-peer recognition
By focusing on strengths and providing regular appreciation, managers create a positive work environment that motivates employees to excel. This approach also helps build resilience, as employees are more likely to persist through challenges when they feel valued and recognized for their efforts.
7. Ask more, tell less: The art of coaching through questioning
Good communication is just as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after.
Use thoughtful questions to guide employees towards their own insights and solutions. This coaching approach empowers employees to think critically about their performance and develop problem-solving skills. By asking rather than telling, managers encourage employees to take ownership of their development and become more self-reflective.
Effective coaching questions:
- "What's the real challenge here for you?"
- "What have you tried so far?"
- "What do you think is the best approach?"
- "How might you handle this differently next time?"
- "What resources do you need to succeed?"
This approach not only leads to more sustainable solutions but also builds employees' confidence in their ability to navigate challenges. It transforms the manager's role from that of a problem-solver to a facilitator of growth and learning.
8. Minimize threat: Strategies for delivering critical feedback
When people feel threatened, their brains go into lockdown.
Create psychological safety when delivering critical feedback to ensure it's received constructively. When employees feel threatened, their ability to process and act on feedback is significantly impaired. By minimizing perceived threats, managers can create an environment where critical feedback is seen as an opportunity for growth rather than a personal attack.
Strategies to minimize threat:
- Start with positive observations
- Focus on specific behaviors, not personality traits
- Use a collaborative tone and language
- Offer support and resources for improvement
- Allow time for the employee to process and respond
By creating a safe environment for feedback, managers can have more productive conversations that lead to meaningful change and improvement. This approach also helps build trust and strengthens the manager-employee relationship, even when discussing difficult topics.
9. Beware of unconscious bias in feedback
Unconscious bias may not be your fault, but it is your responsibility.
Recognize and mitigate unconscious biases that can influence feedback. These biases can lead to unfair or inaccurate assessments, particularly affecting underrepresented groups. By acknowledging the potential for bias and taking steps to counteract it, managers can ensure more equitable and effective feedback processes.
Steps to address bias in feedback:
- Educate yourself on common biases (e.g., gender, racial, confirmation bias)
- Use specific, behavior-based criteria for evaluations
- Seek input from multiple sources
- Review feedback for potentially biased language
- Regularly audit feedback patterns across different employee groups
By actively working to identify and mitigate biases, managers can create a more inclusive and fair feedback environment. This not only improves the quality of feedback but also contributes to a more diverse and equitable workplace.
10. Make feedback conversations frequent and unsurprising
Make your motto "No Surprises"
Provide regular, ongoing feedback rather than relying solely on formal evaluations. This approach ensures that employees are continuously aware of their performance and have opportunities to improve in real-time. Regular feedback conversations also help prevent the buildup of issues and reduce the stress associated with formal reviews.
Best practices for frequent feedback:
- Schedule regular one-on-one meetings
- Provide immediate feedback on specific incidents or behaviors
- Use a mix of formal and informal feedback channels
- Encourage two-way communication and feedback
- Document ongoing feedback for reference in formal reviews
By making feedback a regular part of the work routine, managers can create a culture of continuous improvement and open communication. This approach also helps align expectations and reduces the likelihood of surprises during formal evaluations.
11. Separate observations from interpretations for more effective evaluations
Observations are what you see or hear. A story is a reason or set of reasons that you've generated for why someone might be behaving in a certain way.
Distinguish between objective observations and subjective interpretations when providing feedback. This separation helps maintain objectivity and reduces defensiveness in the recipient. By focusing on specific, observable behaviors and their impact, managers can provide more actionable and less emotionally charged feedback.
Steps to separate observations from interpretations:
- Describe the specific behavior or event you observed
- Explain the impact of that behavior
- Ask for the employee's perspective
- Collaboratively discuss potential interpretations
- Focus on future actions and improvements
This approach encourages a more balanced and productive conversation, as it allows both manager and employee to explore different perspectives and find common ground. It also helps prevent misunderstandings and ensures that feedback is based on concrete evidence rather than assumptions or biases.
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Review Summary
"Let's Talk" receives high praise for its practical advice on giving effective feedback. Readers appreciate the research-backed strategies, clear writing style, and actionable tips for managers. Many highlight the book's insights on appreciation, coaching, and evaluation. The section on addressing bias is noted as particularly valuable. Reviewers consistently recommend it as an essential read for leaders and managers, with several mentioning its potential to improve workplace relationships and communication. The book's conversational approach and real-life examples make it accessible and engaging for readers.
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