Life Strategies

1. You Create Your Own Experience: Take Responsibility for Your Life

"You are now accountable; you have always been accountable; you will always be accountable. That is how it is."

Accept accountability. This means recognizing that you are responsible for the results in your life, both good and bad. It's not about blame, but about acknowledging your role in creating your current circumstances. By accepting this accountability, you gain the power to change your life.

Avoid victim mentality. Stop blaming others or external circumstances for your problems. Instead, ask yourself: "How did I contribute to this situation?" and "What can I do to change it?" This shift in perspective empowers you to take control of your life.

Questions to ask yourself:

• What did I do to arrange this situation?
• What choices did I make that led to this result?
• What actions do I need to take to change my circumstances?

2. People Do What Works: Identify and Control the Payoffs

"If you did not perceive the behavior in question to serve some purpose, to generate some value to you, you would not do it, plain and simple."

Understand behavior motivations. All behaviors, even seemingly negative ones, persist because they provide some form of payoff or reward. These payoffs can be obvious or subtle, healthy or unhealthy. By identifying these payoffs, you can understand why you or others continue certain behaviors.

Change the payoff system. Once you've identified the payoffs, you can start to change them. This might involve finding alternative ways to meet the same needs or creating new, positive payoffs for desired behaviors. Remember, changing long-standing behavior patterns takes time and effort.

Types of payoffs:

• Psychological (e.g., acceptance, approval, security)
• Physical (e.g., comfort, pleasure)
• Social (e.g., belonging, status)
• Achievement (e.g., accomplishment, recognition)

3. You Can't Change What You Don't Acknowledge: Face Your Problems

"Denial can take the form of totally failing to see what is, or seeing it, but resisting it, because you don't like it. Either way, denial is dangerous."

Confront reality. Denial is a common defense mechanism, but it prevents us from addressing our problems. Be honest with yourself about your situation, even if it's uncomfortable. This honesty is the first step towards positive change.

Practice self-awareness. Regularly assess your life, behaviors, and emotions. Look for patterns, especially those that are causing problems or holding you back. Don't just focus on external circumstances; examine your own role in creating and maintaining these situations.

Steps to increase self-awareness:

• Keep a journal to track thoughts and behaviors
• Ask for feedback from trusted friends or family
• Practice mindfulness meditation
• Seek professional help if needed

4. Life Rewards Action: Stop Procrastinating and Take Initiative

"Nothing in your life will change until you begin to do different things."

Overcome inertia. Many people stay stuck because they're waiting for the perfect moment or for things to change on their own. Recognize that change only happens when you take action. Start small if necessary, but start.

Develop an action mindset. Make decisions and follow through with them. Don't just think about what you want to do; create concrete plans and execute them. Remember, imperfect action is better than perfect inaction.

Ways to cultivate an action mindset:

• Set daily goals and accomplish them
• Break large tasks into smaller, manageable steps
• Celebrate small wins to build momentum
• Use the "5-second rule": Count backwards from 5 and then take action

5. There Is No Reality; Only Perception: Challenge Your Beliefs

"You control your perceptions. Therefore, you control your interpretations of and attitudes about your life. That is power."

Recognize the power of perception. Our experiences are shaped by how we interpret events, not by the events themselves. By changing our perceptions, we can dramatically alter our experience of life.

Challenge your beliefs. Many of our perceptions are based on long-held beliefs that may no longer serve us. Regularly examine your beliefs and ask yourself if they're helping or hindering you. Be willing to update your beliefs based on new information or experiences.

Steps to challenge and change perceptions:

• Identify limiting beliefs
• Look for evidence that contradicts these beliefs
• Seek out different perspectives
• Practice reframing negative situations
• Cultivate a growth mindset

6. Life Is Managed; It Is Not Cured: Develop Ongoing Life Management Skills

"Life is managed; it is not cured."

Adopt a management mindset. Life is an ongoing process, not a problem to be solved once and for all. Instead of seeking a "cure" for life's challenges, focus on developing skills to manage them effectively over time.

Develop life management skills. These include time management, stress management, emotional regulation, and problem-solving. Continuously work on improving these skills as they will serve you throughout your life.

Key life management skills:

• Goal setting and planning
• Prioritization
• Decision-making
• Emotional intelligence
• Resilience and adaptability
• Self-care and personal maintenance

7. We Teach People How to Treat Us: Set Boundaries and Expectations

"You teach people what they can get away with and what they cannot."

Take responsibility for relationship dynamics. Recognize that you play a crucial role in how others treat you. Your actions, reactions, and what you tolerate all send messages about what behavior is acceptable.

Set and enforce boundaries. Clearly communicate your expectations and limits to others. Be consistent in enforcing these boundaries. Remember, it's not just about what you say, but also about what you do and allow.

Steps to improve how others treat you:

• Identify your non-negotiables
• Communicate boundaries clearly and calmly
• Follow through with consequences when boundaries are crossed
• Model the behavior you expect from others
• Regularly reassess and adjust your boundaries as needed

8. There Is Power in Forgiveness: Let Go of Anger and Resentment

"Forgiveness is about doing whatever it takes to preserve the power to create your own emotional state."

Understand true forgiveness. Forgiveness is not about condoning harmful actions or reconciling with those who hurt you. It's about freeing yourself from the burden of anger and resentment, which can poison your life and relationships.

Practice forgiveness for your own sake. Holding onto anger and resentment hurts you more than it hurts the person who wronged you. By forgiving, you reclaim your power and free up emotional energy for more positive pursuits.

Benefits of forgiveness:

• Reduced stress and anxiety
• Improved mental and physical health
• Better relationships
• Increased empathy and compassion
• Greater sense of personal power and control

9. You Have to Name It to Claim It: Define Your Goals Clearly

"If you cannot name, and name with great specificity, what it is that you want, then you will never be able to step up and claim it."

Be specific about your goals. Vague desires like "being happy" or "successful" are not actionable. Define your goals in concrete, measurable terms. The more specific you are, the easier it will be to create a plan and recognize when you've achieved your goal.

Distinguish between dreams and goals. Dreams are vague and passive; goals are specific and active. Transform your dreams into goals by defining them clearly, setting a timeline, and creating a plan of action.

Elements of a well-defined goal:

• Specific: What exactly do you want?
• Measurable: How will you know when you've achieved it?
• Achievable: Is it realistic given your current situation?
• Relevant: Does it align with your values and long-term objectives?
• Time-bound: By when do you want to achieve this?

10. Develop a Seven-Step Strategy to Achieve Your Goals

"Unlike dreams, goals involve a strategic plan for getting there."

Create a structured approach. Having a clear strategy increases your chances of success. The seven-step approach provides a framework for turning your goals into reality.

Implement the strategy consistently. Regularly review and adjust your plan as needed. Remember that achieving significant goals often requires sustained effort over time.

The Seven-Step Strategy:

1. Express your goal in specific behaviors or events
2. Make your goal measurable
3. Set a timeline for your goal
4. Choose a goal you can control
5. Plan a strategy to reach your goal
6. Program your goal into your life
7. Take action towards your goal

Last updated: January 23, 2025