Living an Examined Life

1. Choose Your Path: The Power of Personal Authority

"We are flung from the amniotic sea into this life — tied to matter, to gravity, to mortality."

Life is a journey of choice. From the moment we're born, we're thrust into a world of decisions. While our early years are shaped by adaptation to our environment, true adulthood begins when we recognize our power to choose our own path. This recognition is not just about making decisions, but about taking responsibility for our lives and our choices.

Recovering personal authority is crucial. It involves sorting through the cacophony of voices within us - those of our parents, society, and our own fears - to find our authentic voice. This process requires:

• Courage to face our fears and insecurities
• Willingness to question inherited beliefs and values
• Ability to tolerate uncertainty and ambiguity
• Commitment to living with integrity, even when it's uncomfortable

2. Embrace Growth: Moving Beyond Childhood Adaptations

"It's time to grow up."

Adulthood is more than age. True maturity involves moving beyond the adaptive strategies we developed in childhood. These strategies, once necessary for survival, can become limiting in adulthood. Growing up psychologically means:

• Recognizing and challenging our old patterns
• Taking responsibility for our emotions and actions
• Developing the capacity to tolerate discomfort and uncertainty
• Cultivating empathy and understanding for others and ourselves

The journey to maturity is ongoing. It's not a destination but a continuous process of self-reflection, learning, and growth. This journey often involves:

• Confronting our fears and insecurities
• Letting go of outdated beliefs and behaviors
• Developing a more nuanced understanding of ourselves and the world
• Embracing the complexity and ambiguity of life

3. Confront Your Shadow: Loving the Unlovable Parts of Yourself

"Bestow love on the unlovable parts of you."

Embracing our whole self is crucial. The shadow, as Jung defined it, represents those parts of ourselves that we find difficult to accept. These might include our fears, weaknesses, or aspects of our personality that contradict our ideal self-image. Confronting and integrating our shadow is essential for psychological wholeness and authentic living.

Self-acceptance leads to growth. By acknowledging and accepting even our least favorite parts, we:

• Reduce internal conflict and stress
• Increase self-awareness and understanding
• Develop greater compassion for ourselves and others
• Unlock creative potential and energy previously used for repression
• Improve relationships by being more authentic and less projective

4. Honor Your Calling: Distinguishing Between Job, Duty, and Vocation

"Vocation is our duty to our calling."

Understanding the difference is crucial. While a job provides income and duty fulfills obligations, a vocation is a deeper calling that aligns with our authentic self and contributes meaningfully to the world. Recognizing and pursuing our vocation can lead to a more fulfilling life.

Finding and honoring our calling requires:

• Self-reflection to identify our passions and talents
• Courage to pursue what truly matters to us, even if it's challenging
• Willingness to sacrifice comfort for meaning
• Balancing our personal calling with our responsibilities to others
• Continuous growth and learning in our chosen path

5. Cultivate Mature Spirituality: Embracing Mystery and Personal Responsibility

"A mature spirituality will be found in the five following points."

Mature spirituality goes beyond dogma. It involves a personal, evolving relationship with the mystery of existence. Key aspects include:

1. Taking personal responsibility for spiritual beliefs and practices
2. Openness to numinous experiences
3. Embracing mystery and uncertainty
4. Willingness to grow and evolve
5. Measuring beliefs by their impact on personal growth and relationships

This approach fosters:

• Greater authenticity in spiritual life
• Increased tolerance for ambiguity and diversity
• Deeper engagement with life's mysteries
• Continuous personal and spiritual growth
• A more grounded, practical spirituality that enhances daily life

6. Seize Permission: Becoming Who You Really Are

"Permission is not something one receives from others, unless one had very thoughtful, very liberated parents who could affirm such a life journey for their child and model it themselves."

Authenticity requires self-permission. Many of us grow up learning to suppress our true selves to fit in or please others. Reclaiming our authenticity involves:

• Recognizing and challenging internalized restrictions
• Giving ourselves permission to explore and express our true nature
• Overcoming fear of judgment or disapproval
• Cultivating self-trust and inner authority

The journey to authenticity is transformative. It can lead to:

• Greater self-awareness and self-acceptance
• Improved relationships based on genuine connection
• Increased creativity and personal fulfillment
• A stronger sense of purpose and direction in life

7. Pursue Meaning Over Happiness: Finding Purpose in Life's Challenges

"Choose meaning over happiness."

Meaning provides deeper fulfillment. While happiness is a fleeting emotion, meaning gives our lives purpose and direction. Pursuing meaning involves:

• Engaging with life's challenges rather than avoiding them
• Contributing to something larger than ourselves
• Developing a sense of coherence in our life story
• Finding value in both positive and negative experiences

The pursuit of meaning leads to:

• Greater resilience in face of adversity
• A sense of purpose that transcends momentary pleasures
• Deeper connections with others and the world around us
• A life that feels rich and worthwhile, even in difficult times

8. Exorcise the Ghosts: Freeing Yourself from the Past

"We all live in haunted houses and sleep in memory's unmade bed."

The past can hold us captive. Our early experiences, traumas, and learned behaviors can continue to influence us long after they've served their purpose. Freeing ourselves from these "ghosts" involves:

• Recognizing patterns and behaviors rooted in past experiences
• Understanding how these patterns may no longer serve us
• Consciously choosing new ways of thinking and behaving
• Cultivating self-compassion as we navigate change

Liberation from the past allows for:

• Greater flexibility in responding to current situations
• Improved relationships free from old patterns
• Increased ability to live in the present
• More authentic self-expression and personal growth

9. Free Your Children: Lifting the Burden of Unlived Lives

"Jung's observation that the greatest burden the child must bear is the unlived life of the parent is chilling, frankly, for it puts all the responsibility for growing up back on me."

Parents must live their own lives fully. Children are often burdened by their parents' unfulfilled dreams, fears, and expectations. To free our children, we must:

• Pursue our own growth and self-actualization
• Recognize and respect our children as separate individuals
• Encourage their authentic self-expression and unique path
• Model healthy self-love and boundary-setting

The benefits of freeing our children include:

• Stronger, more authentic parent-child relationships
• Children who feel empowered to pursue their own dreams
• Reduced intergenerational transmission of trauma and unfulfilled potential
• A family culture that supports individual growth and authenticity

Last updated: October 20, 2024