Married to the Military

1. Military life is an adventure: Embrace the challenges and opportunities

You are the CinC of your house because, while your husband is out playing G.I. Joe, you are primarily responsible for raising the kids, managing the household finances, and establishing yourself and your family in the community.

Embrace the role. As a military spouse, you are the Commander in Chief of your household. This position comes with significant responsibilities but also offers unique opportunities for personal growth and leadership. You'll be managing finances, raising children, and establishing your family in new communities, often while your service member is deployed or training.

Cultivate resilience. Military life is full of challenges, from frequent relocations to long separations. Develop a positive mindset and view these challenges as opportunities to grow, learn new skills, and experience diverse cultures. Remember that you're part of a larger military community that understands and supports you.

Seek out adventures. Take advantage of the unique experiences military life offers:

• Travel opportunities through Space A flights
• Discounted vacations at military resorts worldwide
• Cultural immersion in foreign countries during overseas assignments
• Access to diverse recreational activities on military bases

2. Communication is crucial: Build a strong foundation for your military marriage

Success in military life is all about knowledge and perspective.

Open dialogue. Maintaining strong communication is vital for military couples. Regularly discuss your dreams, goals, and concerns with your spouse. This open dialogue helps manage expectations and builds a resilient partnership that can withstand the unique stresses of military life.

Create a family strategy. Develop a Master Plan together that outlines your shared goals and how you'll achieve them within the constraints of military service. This might include:

• Career progression for both partners
• Educational goals
• Family planning
• Financial objectives
• Preferred duty stations

Stay connected during separations. Utilize technology to maintain regular communication during deployments or training periods. Share daily life details, involve the service member in family decisions, and find creative ways to express affection across distances.

3. Navigate the military system: Understand benefits, pay, and career tracks

Understand the components of military pay and find out how your service member's pay will vary depending on your circumstances. Don't be caught off guard by a $200 pay short.

Master military finance. Familiarize yourself with the various components of military pay and benefits:

• Basic Pay
• Basic Allowance for Housing (BAH)
• Basic Allowance for Subsistence (BAS)
• Special and Incentive pays
• Tricare health benefits
• Education benefits like the GI Bill

Plan for fluctuations. Military pay can vary based on deployments, relocations, and promotions. Regularly review your Leave and Earnings Statement (LES) and use tools like the Military Pay Calculator to anticipate changes and budget accordingly.

Understand career progression. Learn about your service member's career track, potential duty stations, and promotion timelines. This knowledge will help you plan for the future and make informed decisions about your own career and family life.

4. Master relocation: Turn frequent moves into positive experiences

Experienced military wives handle deployments more successfully for several reasons. First, they and their service members have created avenues for continuing communication and romance across the distance.

Prepare strategically. Approach each move as an opportunity rather than a burden. Create a relocation checklist and start preparing early:

• Research your new duty station and community
• Organize important documents
• Declutter before packing
• Take advantage of military moving benefits

Establish roots quickly. Upon arrival at your new location:

• Set up your home to resemble your previous one for familiarity
• Join spouse clubs or family readiness groups
• Enroll children in school and activities
• Explore your new community and local attractions

Maintain continuity. Create traditions or rituals that travel with your family to provide stability amidst change. This could be a special family meal, a "first night" routine in a new home, or a way of documenting each move through photos or journals.

5. Deployment strategies: Maintain connection and support during separations

Successful military families are also talented digital photographers and web masters. To share their daily lives together, they regularly take pictures and videos to exchange by e-mail or place on a family website.

Stay connected creatively. Utilize technology and personal touches to maintain a strong bond during deployments:

• Regular video calls or emails
• Shared online photo albums or blogs
• Care packages with personal items and favorite treats
• Countdown calendars for kids

Maintain independence. Use deployment periods as opportunities for personal growth:

• Pursue education or career goals
• Develop new hobbies or skills
• Strengthen friendships within the military community
• Volunteer or engage in community service

Prepare for reunions. Anticipate and plan for the challenges of reintegration:

• Discuss expectations for the return
• Allow time for readjustment
• Seek counseling if needed to navigate the transition

6. Balance career and family: Pursue personal goals within military constraints

Military wives and female service members often do themselves an injustice by subordinating their professional needs and aspirations to the needs and desires of their husband and family.

Prioritize personal growth. Don't neglect your own career aspirations and personal development. Explore portable career options that can move with you:

• Remote work opportunities
• Entrepreneurship
• Fields with high demand across locations (e.g., healthcare, education)

Leverage military resources. Take advantage of education and career support offered to military spouses:

• MyCAA education funding
• Spouse preference for federal jobs
• Career counseling through Family Support Centers

Advocate for yourself. Communicate your professional goals with your spouse and work together to find solutions that support both of your careers. This might involve:

• Strategically choosing duty stations
• Timing moves around your career milestones
• Exploring options like geo-bacheloring for critical career periods

7. Utilize resources: Take advantage of support systems and military perks

Family advocates are not perfect human beings, but when contacted promptly with all the information, they do a great job representing abused spouses, sometimes in the face of a service member backed by a command full of men.

Know your resources. Familiarize yourself with the various support systems available:

• Family Support Centers
• Military OneSource
• Tricare health services
• Chaplain services
• Military relief societies (e.g., Navy-Marine Corps Relief Society)

Take advantage of perks. Military life comes with unique benefits. Make the most of:

• Commissary and Exchange shopping privileges
• Discounted travel and recreation through MWR
• Space A flights for low-cost travel
• Military discounts at civilian businesses

Seek help when needed. Don't hesitate to reach out for support during challenging times:

• Financial counseling for budgeting or emergency assistance
• Mental health services for stress management or family issues
• Legal assistance for military-specific legal matters
• Family advocacy programs for domestic issues

Remember, utilizing these resources is a sign of strength and proactivity, not weakness. The military community is designed to support its members and families through the unique challenges of service life.

Last updated: August 31, 2024