Money for Couples

1. Money Talks: Open Communication is Key

Talking about money shouldn’t have to be weird.

Break the Silence. The first step to financial harmony is open, honest communication. Many couples avoid money talks, leading to bottled-up disagreements and long-term disconnection. By reframing money conversations as opportunities for connection and growth, couples can transform a source of stress into a source of joy.

Scripts and Outlines. Don't wing it. Prepare an outline for your money conversations, anticipating potential challenges and planning for them. Use word-for-word scripts to initiate discussions, focusing on positive language and avoiding taboo words like "budget" or "credit card bill."

Small Steps, Big Impact. Start with short, positive conversations, aiming to end on a high note. Acknowledge vulnerabilities and express excitement about building a better financial future together. Remember, it's a marathon, not a sprint.

2. Uncover Your Money DNA: Understanding Financial Psychology

The way you feel about money is highly uncorrelated with the amount you have in the bank.

Invisible Scripts. Childhood experiences shape our beliefs about money, often leading to invisible scripts that influence our financial behavior. These scripts can be positive or negative, but recognizing them is the first step to rewriting your money story.

Money Types. Understanding your Money Type (Avoider, Optimizer, Worrier, Dreamer) can provide valuable insights into your financial tendencies. By identifying your type and your partner's, you can better navigate potential conflicts and build a more balanced approach to money management.

Release the Pressure Valve. Create a habit of regular, brief money check-ins to release the pressure and prevent disagreements from festering. This can be as simple as a quick conversation on Sunday evenings to discuss your feelings about money for the week.

3. Design Your Rich Life: Vision and Values Alignment

Your Rich Life is uniquely yours.

Beyond the Budget. A Rich Life vision goes beyond simply paying bills and saving for retirement. It's about defining your ideal life and using your money to make it a reality. This involves identifying what truly makes you happy and aligning your spending with your values.

Specific and Vivid. Avoid vague goals like "travel more." Instead, create a detailed picture of your dream vacation, including the destination, activities, and even what you'll be wearing. The more specific you are, the easier it will be to turn your vision into a plan.

10-Year Bucket List. Create a 10-Year Bucket List with your partner, focusing on experiences and goals that would make the next decade incredibly meaningful. Then, choose one item from the list and create a system to ensure it happens, including estimating the cost and setting up automatic savings.

4. Money Dials: Spend Intentionally on What Matters

I believe you should spend extravagantly on the things you love, as long as you cut costs mercilessly on the things you don’t.

Yes and Less. Identify your "Yes" Money Dials (the things you love to spend money on) and your "Less" Money Dials (the things you don't care about). This allows you to prioritize your spending and allocate more resources to what truly brings you joy.

Quadruple It. Take one of your Yes Dials and imagine quadrupling your spending on it. What would that look and feel like? This exercise can help you think beyond quantity and explore new dimensions of enjoyment and generosity.

Trade-offs. To live your Rich Life, you have to make trade-offs. Be willing to cut back on your Less Dials to free up resources for your Yes Dials. This requires honesty and a willingness to challenge your spending habits.

5. Know Your Numbers: Financial Snapshot for Clarity

You just need four pieces.

Four Key Numbers. To understand your financial health, focus on four key numbers: assets, investments, savings, and debt. These numbers provide a snapshot of your net worth and can help you identify areas for improvement.

Speed, Not Precision. Don't get bogged down in the details. Aim for approximate numbers and focus on getting a general sense of your financial situation. You can always refine the numbers later.

Joint Effort. Do this exercise with your partner, creating a shared understanding of your finances. This can be an opportunity to connect, build trust, and make decisions together.

6. Couples Dynamics: Break Free from Unhealthy Patterns

The Sitcom dynamic is a mask to cover genuine pain.

Recognize the Patterns. Unhealthy money dynamics, such as the Sitcom, Chaser/Avoider, and Innocent Doe/Enabler, can sabotage your financial goals and damage your relationship. Identifying these patterns is the first step to breaking free.

Challenge the Roles. If you're in a Chaser/Avoider dynamic, the Chaser needs to stop pursuing and the Avoider needs to take responsibility. If you're in an Innocent Doe/Enabler dynamic, the Innocent Doe needs to learn about money and the Enabler needs to stop rescuing.

Seek Professional Help. If you're struggling to change your money dynamic on your own, consider seeking help from a therapist. A therapist can provide valuable insights and guidance to help you build a healthier relationship with money.

7. Conscious Spending: A Plan for Your Shared Dreams

A budget looks backward. A Conscious Spending Plan looks forward.

Four Key Categories. A Conscious Spending Plan (CSP) focuses on four key categories: fixed costs, short-term savings, long-term investments, and guilt-free spending. By allocating your money to these categories, you can ensure that you're saving, investing, and spending in alignment with your values.

12-Month View. Plan for upcoming expenses, such as holidays, vacations, and home repairs, by creating a 12-month view. This will help you avoid surprises and stay on track with your financial goals.

Realign Your Spending. Use your Rich Life vision to guide your spending decisions. Cut back on areas that don't align with your values and redirect those resources to the things that truly matter to you.

8. Mastering Spending: Taming Invisible Costs and Overspending

Invisible spending is the spending we subconsciously don’t want to confront.

Identify Invisible Spending. Uncover hidden expenses that are draining your resources, such as spending tied to your identity, mental bucketing, and the true cost of one-time purchases.

Confront Overspending. Recognize the rationalizations you use to justify overspending, such as "I deserve this" or "It's not like I do this every day." Challenge these beliefs and create a plan to change your spending habits.

Buy Back Your Time. Identify tasks you dislike and consider outsourcing them to free up your time for more meaningful activities. This can involve hiring a housekeeper, getting your groceries delivered, or using a laundry service.

9. Automate Your Finances: A System for Success

Think about it once, and it takes care of you forever.

Simple Account Setup. Streamline your finances with a simple account setup that includes a joint checking account, three to five joint savings accounts, individual checking accounts, individual savings accounts, and retirement investment accounts.

Automate Money Flow. Set up automatic transfers between your accounts to ensure that your money is flowing to the right places, including savings, investments, and bill payments. This will help you stay on track with your financial goals without having to think about it every month.

Joint and Individual Spending. Use a joint credit card for shared expenses and individual credit cards for personal spending. This will make it easier to track your spending and stay within your budget.

10. Living the Rich Life: Routines, Reviews, and Generosity

You’re going to talk about money regularly, proactively, and positively, because your future is together.

Monthly Money Meeting. Schedule a regular Monthly Money Meeting to discuss your finances, review your CSP, and make any necessary adjustments. This meeting should be a positive and collaborative experience.

Annual Rich Life Review. Conduct an annual Rich Life Review to assess your progress, celebrate your successes, and plan for the future. This is an opportunity to reflect on your values, update your vision, and make any necessary changes to your financial system.

Embrace Generosity. Remember that a Rich Life is not just about accumulating wealth. It's also about giving back to your community and supporting causes you care about.

11. Debt Demolition: A Strategic Approach to Freedom

There’s almost always a way to get out of debt—often a lot faster than you think.

Know Your Numbers. The first step to paying off debt is to collect all your debt and interest rates. This will give you a clear picture of your financial obligations.

Debt-Payoff Calculator. Use a debt-payoff calculator to determine how long it will take to pay off your debt and how much interest you will pay. This will help you create a realistic debt-payoff plan.

Automate Debt Payoff. Set up automatic payments to ensure that you're consistently paying down your debt. Consider increasing your payments to accelerate your debt payoff and save on interest.

12. Prenups: Straight Talk About a Taboo Topic

Most people don’t need a prenuptial agreement.

Premarital Assets. A prenup is primarily focused on protecting premarital assets, such as a business, inheritance, or significant savings. If you're coming into a marriage with a disproportionate amount of wealth, you should consider a prenup.

Independent Lawyers. If you decide to get a prenup, each partner should have an independent lawyer. This will ensure that both parties are fairly represented.

Open Communication. The prenup process can be challenging, but it can also be an opportunity to have deep and meaningful conversations about money and expectations.

Last updated: March 11, 2025