Professional Troublemaker

1. Embrace Your Authentic Self and Own Your Dopeness

"Carry yourself with the confidence of an older West African woman who has been through some things, come through on the other side, and doesn't look like what she's been through."

Own your uniqueness. Many of us struggle with being perceived as "too much" – too loud, too aggressive, too passionate. However, these qualities often stem from our core identity and shouldn't be suppressed. Instead of trying to fit in, embrace what makes you different.

Celebrate your achievements. Don't downplay your accomplishments or shy away from praise. Accept compliments graciously and allow yourself to feel proud of your successes. This doesn't mean being arrogant, but rather acknowledging your worth and the hard work you've put in.

Be unapologetically you. Stop apologizing for your existence or for taking up space. Recognize that you have inherent value and deserve to be seen and heard. This mindset shift can lead to increased confidence and better relationships with others who appreciate you for who you truly are.

2. Dream Audaciously and Ask for More

"Have the audacity to dream and ask. Sometimes the universe/God amplifies the ask to bigger levels, and that is the best surprise."

Think big. Don't limit your dreams based on what seems "realistic" or what others think is possible for you. Allow yourself to imagine a future beyond your current circumstances.

Ask for what you want. Many of us hesitate to ask for more out of fear of rejection or appearing greedy. However, not asking guarantees you won't receive. Practice articulating your desires and needs, whether in personal relationships or professional settings.

• In negotiations, always counter the first offer
• When facing an opportunity, ask yourself "Why not me?"
• Remember: Closed mouths don't get fed

Believe in your worthiness. Recognize that you deserve good things and opportunities. This belief will give you the courage to pursue your dreams and ask for what you want without feeling guilty or undeserving.

3. Speak the Truth, Even When It's Uncomfortable

"We fear honesty because it exposes the rawness of life and our flaws, which we are too willing to ignore."

Cultivate radical honesty. Speaking the truth, especially when it's difficult, is an act of courage. It can lead to personal growth, stronger relationships, and positive change in the world around you.

Challenge the status quo. Don't be afraid to speak up when you see injustice or have a different perspective. Your voice matters, and sometimes being the first to speak can inspire others to do the same.

Practice thoughtful truth-telling. Before speaking up, ask yourself:

• Do you mean it?
• Can you defend it?
• Can you say it thoughtfully or with love?

If the answer is yes to all three, proceed with confidence.

4. Fail Loudly and Learn from Your Mistakes

"Failure is life's greatest teacher, and the only way we truly fail is to learn nothing from the valleys we experience."

Embrace failure as growth. Recognize that failures and mistakes are not only inevitable but essential for personal and professional development. They provide valuable lessons and opportunities for improvement.

Share your failures. By being open about your struggles and mistakes, you humanize yourself and create space for others to do the same. This vulnerability can lead to stronger connections and a more supportive environment.

Extract lessons from every setback. After a failure, ask yourself:

• What went wrong?
• What could I have done differently?
• How can I apply this lesson moving forward?

Use these insights to refine your approach and become more resilient in the face of future challenges.

5. Draw Clear Boundaries and Take No Shit

"Draw your lines without guilt."

Establish and communicate your limits. Be clear about what you will and won't accept in your personal and professional life. This includes how you want to be treated, what you're willing to do, and how you allocate your time and energy.

Enforce your boundaries consistently. Once you've set a boundary, stick to it. This may feel uncomfortable at first, especially if you're used to people-pleasing, but it's essential for your well-being and self-respect.

Prioritize kindness over niceness. Being kind means being authentic, honest, and sometimes challenging others. It's more valuable than always being "nice," which can lead to self-betrayal and resentment.

• Kindness is about doing what's right, not what's easy
• Stand up for yourself and others when necessary
• Remember: "No" is a complete sentence

6. Build a Strong Support System

"Our lives are one big group decision, try as we may to seem utterly unmoved by others' whims."

Cultivate diverse friendships. Surround yourself with people who support, challenge, and inspire you. Aim for a mix of:

• Day Ones (longtime friends)
• Professional Crew
• Mentors
• Play Group
• True Blues (closest confidants)

Be a good friend yourself. Friendship is reciprocal. Show up for others, celebrate their successes, and be there during tough times. This will naturally attract quality people into your life.

Overcome fear of betrayal. While it's natural to be cautious, don't let past hurts prevent you from forming meaningful connections. The benefits of strong relationships far outweigh the risks of occasional disappointment.

7. Grow Wildly and Embrace Change

"Give yourself permission to grow wildly."

Embrace personal evolution. Recognize that change is not only inevitable but necessary for growth. Don't cling to old versions of yourself out of fear or comfort.

Welcome discomfort. Growth often feels uncomfortable or scary. Lean into these feelings rather than avoiding them, as they often signal important opportunities for development.

Let go of others' expectations. As you change and grow, some people may resist or criticize your evolution. Remember that your journey is your own, and it's okay to outgrow relationships or situations that no longer serve you.

• Celebrate your progress, no matter how small
• Be patient with yourself during transitions
• Seek out new experiences and challenges regularly

8. Fire Yourself from Trying to Control Everything

"Empires of one do not exist, in business or in our intimate lives."

Recognize the limits of control. Accept that you cannot control everything in life, and trying to do so often leads to stress and burnout.

Delegate and trust others. Learn to let go of tasks and responsibilities that others can handle. This allows you to focus on what truly matters and where your strengths lie.

Practice self-compassion. Be kind to yourself when things don't go as planned. Perfectionism and the need for constant control often stem from fear and insecurity.

• Start small by delegating minor tasks
• Focus on outcomes rather than micromanaging processes
• Cultivate a support system you can rely on

Last updated: December 19, 2024