Raising Men

1. Lead from the Front: Be the Example

How can we expect our boys to become powerful, successful, and complete men if we ourselves don’t possess or act on the tools and the know-how to take them there?

Actions speak louder than words. Being a father isn't just about providing; it's about embodying the qualities you want your son to develop. This means actively pursuing your own goals, maintaining your physical and mental health, and demonstrating integrity in your actions. Your son is constantly watching and learning from your example, whether you realize it or not.

Infiltrate success. To guide your son toward a good life, you must first experience it yourself. This requires placing yourself in situations where you can access the strategies and tactics needed to thrive. This could involve excelling in your career, cultivating meaningful relationships, or pursuing personal passions.

Be someone worth emulating. Strive to be the most interesting person in your son's life. This doesn't mean being perfect, but it does mean being engaged, knowledgeable, and passionate about something. By leading a fulfilling life, you'll naturally attract your son's attention and inspire him to follow in your footsteps.

2. Teamwork: We Before Me

In the end, the ability of SEALs and parents to dominate is determined by our collective training, communication, and overall desire to achieve. Teamwork!

Parenting is a team sport. Whether you're married, divorced, or single, effective parenting requires collaboration and a united front. This means communicating openly with your partner (or co-parent), supporting each other's decisions, and presenting a consistent message to your children. Remember, a divided team is a weak team.

Develop dive buddies. Just as SEALs rely on their dive buddies for support and safety, children need to learn how to depend on others and build strong relationships. As parents, it's our responsibility to guide them in choosing trustworthy friends and mentors who will positively influence their lives.

Pivot between roles. A strong family functions like a well-oiled machine, with each member able to adapt and take on different responsibilities as needed. This requires flexibility, communication, and a willingness to put the needs of the team above individual desires.

3. Adaptability: Be Effective, Not Just Right

A commitment to being right thwarts progress. A commitment to finding the right way guides it.

Humility is key. Check your ego at the door and be open to new ideas and approaches. The world is constantly changing, and what worked yesterday may not work today. Be willing to learn from others, even if they have less experience than you.

Embrace correction. Don't be afraid to admit when you're wrong or to seek feedback from others. Constructive criticism is essential for growth, and a willingness to learn from your mistakes will set a positive example for your son.

Focus on results. The goal is to be effective, not to be right. This means prioritizing solutions that work, even if they challenge your existing beliefs or assumptions. Be willing to experiment, adapt, and iterate until you find the best approach.

4. Proactive Parenting: It's Easier to Keep Up Than Catch Up

The only way to keep the extra hammering at bay is by continually staying the course.

Rudder corrections. Life is constantly throwing us off course, and parenting is no different. Make small, consistent adjustments to stay on track, rather than waiting for a major crisis to erupt. This requires vigilance, communication, and a willingness to adapt your approach as needed.

Insistent and consistent. Don't wait for problems to arise before engaging with your son. Be present in his life, offer guidance and support, and consistently reinforce your values. This will build a strong foundation of trust and respect that will make it easier to navigate challenges together.

Always say yes. Whenever possible, say "yes" to your son's requests for adventure and exploration. This doesn't mean being reckless, but it does mean being open to new experiences and encouraging him to push his boundaries.

5. Decisiveness: Hesitation Kills

In the face of adversity, you often have to make immediate and decisive actions.

Immediate Action Drills (IADs). Prepare for potential challenges by developing clear plans and protocols for various situations. This could include everything from fire safety to dealing with bullies to navigating difficult conversations. Practice these drills with your son so that he can react quickly and confidently when faced with adversity.

Be the authority. As a father, you need to be able to make quick decisions and take decisive action when necessary. This requires confidence, knowledge, and a willingness to assert your authority, even when it's uncomfortable.

On time, on target. When a situation demands action, don't hesitate. Trust your instincts, rely on your training, and commit to a course of action. Hesitation can be deadly, both in combat and in life.

6. Mental Fortitude: Mind Over Matter

We don’t rise to the level of our expectations. We fall to the level of our training.

Visualization is key. Mental self-discipline and willpower are critical to overcoming physical obstacles. Use visualization to prepare for challenges, focusing on past successes, present actions, and future accomplishments. This will help you stay motivated and focused, even when things get tough.

Turn negatives into positives. Reframe challenges as opportunities for growth and learning. Instead of dwelling on the discomfort or difficulty of a situation, focus on what you can gain from it. This will help you develop a more resilient and optimistic mindset.

Find a higher purpose. Connect your actions to a larger goal or mission. This will give you the strength and motivation to push through obstacles and persevere in the face of adversity. Remember, it's not just about you; it's about something bigger.

7. Strive for Excellence: It Pays to Be a Winner

SEAL students learn, and learn quickly, that their ability to succeed is not some kind of godly power bestowed upon them but is tied directly to their very human ability to train.

Winning is a mindset. It's not just about crossing the finish line first; it's about constantly striving to improve and become the best version of yourself. Focus on personal growth, skill development, and continuous learning.

Participation is the first step. Encourage your son to try new things and step outside of his comfort zone. Even if he doesn't succeed at first, the act of participating will build confidence and resilience.

Embrace failure as a learning opportunity. Don't be afraid to fail. View setbacks as valuable lessons that can help you grow and improve. The key is to learn from your mistakes and keep moving forward.

8. Continuous Growth: The Only Easy Day Was Yesterday

The only easy day was yesterday.

Constant improvement. Never stop learning and growing. Embrace new challenges, seek out new knowledge, and continuously push your boundaries. This will not only keep you sharp and engaged but will also set a powerful example for your son.

Embrace discomfort. Don't shy away from challenges or difficult situations. These are opportunities to test your limits, build resilience, and develop new skills. Remember, the only way to grow is to step outside of your comfort zone.

Focus on the process. Enjoy the journey, not just the destination. Find satisfaction in the act of learning, growing, and improving, regardless of the outcome. This will help you stay motivated and engaged, even when things get tough.

9. Embrace the Outdoors: Get Off Your Ass

In the military, we just can’t afford to waste time on excuses.

Movement is essential. Physical activity is not optional; it's a fundamental requirement for health and well-being. Make time for exercise, outdoor adventures, and activities that get your heart pumping and your body moving.

Combat the Disease of Being Stuck Inside. The modern world is increasingly sedentary, and this can have detrimental effects on our physical and mental health. Break free from the confines of your desk, your car, and your screens, and reconnect with nature.

Forge bonds through shared experiences. Engage in physical activities with your son, creating opportunities for bonding, teamwork, and shared adventures. This will not only improve your physical health but will also strengthen your relationship.

10. Respect a Fight: Know When to Walk Away

The true soldier fights not because he hates what’s in front of him, but because he loves what is behind him.

Situational awareness. Be constantly aware of your surroundings and identify potential threats. This will allow you to avoid dangerous situations and protect yourself and your family.

Avoid conflict whenever possible. Don't be afraid to walk away from a fight. There's no shame in de-escalating a situation and prioritizing your safety. Remember, the goal is to win, and sometimes the best way to win is to avoid the battle altogether.

Defend as a last resort. If you're unable to avoid a confrontation, be prepared to defend yourself and your loved ones. This requires training, discipline, and a willingness to use force when necessary. However, always remember that violence should be a last resort, not a first choice.

Last updated: March 21, 2025