Relax, It's Just God

1. Embrace religious discussions with children openly and honestly

Relax . . . it's just God.

Start early. Introduce religious concepts around kindergarten age, using simple and neutral language. Be prepared for questions about God, creation, and different beliefs. Use everyday experiences, like encountering religious symbols or buildings, as opportunities for discussion.

Be truthful. Share your own beliefs honestly, while explaining that others may believe differently. Avoid euphemisms or oversimplifications that might confuse children. Use phrases like "Some people believe..." to introduce various religious concepts without judgment.

Keep it age-appropriate. Tailor discussions to your child's level of understanding and interest. For younger children, focus on basic concepts and stories. As they grow older, introduce more complex ideas about different religions and philosophies.

2. Provide religious literacy without indoctrination

Knowledge, awareness, and curiosity are traits that tend to invite new and positive experiences.

Expose children to various beliefs. Introduce your children to different religions, their stories, customs, and holidays. This helps them understand the diversity of beliefs in the world and develop cultural awareness.

Use diverse resources. Incorporate books, movies, museum visits, and cultural events to teach about religions. Choose materials that present information objectively and are appropriate for secular families.

• Read children's books about different religious figures and stories
• Visit museums with exhibits on world religions
• Attend cultural festivals celebrating various religious traditions
• Watch age-appropriate documentaries about world religions

Emphasize similarities. Help children understand that many religions share common values, such as kindness, compassion, and helping others. This fosters a sense of connection rather than division.

3. Encourage critical thinking and personal choice in beliefs

The point is not to be perfect—as my daughter says, "That would be boring"—but to give us something to aim for.

Foster questioning. Encourage children to ask questions about beliefs and think critically about what they hear. Teach them to evaluate information and form their own opinions.

Avoid labeling. Don't assign religious labels to your children or family. Allow them to explore and develop their own beliefs over time.

Model open-mindedness. Demonstrate respect for others' beliefs while maintaining your own. Show children that it's okay to change one's mind or be uncertain about religious matters.

• Ask open-ended questions like "What do you think about that?"
• Encourage children to research different beliefs and compare them
• Discuss how people can have different beliefs and still be good people

4. Balance tolerance with maintaining your own values

Tolerance doesn't mean just barely holding back your hatred, nor does it require you to endure the hate of others or to treat religion with undeserved reverence.

Teach respect, not agreement. Help children understand that respecting others' beliefs doesn't mean agreeing with them. Emphasize the importance of treating everyone kindly, regardless of their faith.

Set boundaries. Be clear about what beliefs or practices you find unacceptable, while still maintaining an overall attitude of tolerance. Teach children to respectfully disagree when necessary.

Address harmful beliefs. Don't shy away from discussing religious ideas that contradict your values. Explain why you disagree, while still emphasizing respect for individuals.

• Discuss examples of religious tolerance in history and current events
• Role-play scenarios involving different beliefs to practice respectful interactions
• Explore the concept of "agreeing to disagree" in a constructive manner

5. Navigate family dynamics and religious differences respectfully

Trying to keep religion out of extended-family relationships—while keeping the love in—can be a chore, particularly when extended family members are exerting pressure to raise the children in certain ways.

Set clear boundaries. Communicate your expectations about religious discussions and practices with family members. Be firm but respectful in maintaining your parenting choices.

Find common ground. Focus on shared values and experiences with religious family members. Emphasize the importance of family bonds over religious differences.

Be prepared for difficult conversations. Have strategies ready for addressing religious pressure or disagreements with family members. Practice calm, assertive responses to common scenarios.

• Establish guidelines for religious discussions during family gatherings
• Plan inclusive family activities that don't revolve around religion
• Teach children to respectfully express their own beliefs to family members

6. Address religious bullying and peer pressure constructively

It can be heartbreaking to see people hurt your child's feelings, whether they mean to or not.

Prepare children for encounters. Discuss the possibility of religious disagreements or bullying with peers. Teach children how to respond confidently and respectfully.

Empower with knowledge. Equip children with accurate information about different beliefs to help them navigate conversations and challenges with peers.

Encourage empathy. Help children understand why some kids might say hurtful things about others' beliefs. Teach them to respond with kindness and understanding.

• Role-play potential scenarios involving religious disagreements
• Discuss strategies for dealing with peer pressure related to religious beliefs
• Teach children to seek help from trusted adults if bullying persists

7. Discuss death and loss without relying on religious concepts

Heaven doesn't help us.

Be honest and direct. Use clear, factual language when discussing death with children. Avoid euphemisms that might confuse them or create false hope.

Focus on the natural cycle of life. Explain death as a normal part of the life cycle. Use examples from nature to illustrate the concept.

Emphasize memories and legacy. Talk about how people live on through memories and the impact they had on others' lives. Encourage children to share stories and memories of lost loved ones.

• Explain the biological process of death in age-appropriate terms
• Discuss how different cultures and religions view death and mourning
• Create memory books or rituals to honor deceased loved ones

8. Celebrate secularism while respecting others' beliefs

Reality is a beautiful and awe-inspiring place. What we know to be true through science doesn't lessen that awe.

Find meaning in science and nature. Cultivate a sense of wonder about the natural world and scientific discoveries. Show children how these can provide meaning and inspiration without supernatural beliefs.

Create secular traditions. Develop family rituals and celebrations that reflect your values and worldview. This can include both secular versions of religious holidays and entirely new traditions.

Embrace ethical living. Focus on developing strong moral values based on empathy, reason, and human flourishing rather than religious doctrine.

• Celebrate scientific milestones and discoveries as a family
• Develop secular coming-of-age rituals or rites of passage
• Engage in community service and activism to put secular values into action

Last updated: August 23, 2024