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Sex Matters

Sex Matters

How Modern Feminism Lost Touch with Science, Love, and Common Sense
by Mona Charen 2018 320 pages
3.74
100+ ratings
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Key Takeaways

1. Feminism's triumph has come at a high cost to women's happiness

Every year since 1972, the General Social Survey has asked a representative sample of American adults how happy they are. In 1972, women, on average, reported being a bit happier than men. Every year since, women's reported happiness has declined, both in absolute terms and when compared with men's.

Unintended consequences. The feminist movement, while achieving many important goals, has paradoxically led to a decline in women's overall happiness. This trend contradicts the expectation that increased opportunities and equality would result in greater life satisfaction for women.

Shifting priorities. Feminism's emphasis on career success and independence has often come at the expense of traditional sources of female fulfillment, such as family and motherhood. Many women now feel pressured to "have it all," leading to increased stress and dissatisfaction.

Cultural shift. The movement has also contributed to a devaluation of traditionally feminine roles and qualities, leaving many women feeling conflicted about their choices and identities.

2. Sexual differences between men and women are real and significant

Evolution has produced in men and women bodies that are filled with similarities and differences, including in the heart, liver, lungs, immune system, and even knees. To insist that somehow—magically—evolution did not produce biologically based sex differences of all sizes and sorts in the human brain…is tantamount to denying that evolution applies to the human brain.

Biological realities. Despite ideological attempts to minimize or deny them, scientific research consistently demonstrates significant biological differences between male and female brains and bodies.

Behavioral implications. These biological differences manifest in various ways, including:

  • Different preferences in career choices
  • Variations in social and communication styles
  • Disparities in risk-taking and aggression levels
  • Distinct approaches to parenting and caregiving

Embracing diversity. Recognizing and accepting these differences can lead to more effective policies and social structures that benefit both sexes, rather than trying to force a one-size-fits-all approach.

3. The sexual revolution has eroded traditional safeguards for women

The sexual revolution could never have succeeded without the imprimatur of feminists, who endorsed it as part of women's liberation. That was a profound mistake because it flew in the face of innate sexual differences.

Vulnerability exposed. The sexual revolution, promoted by feminists as liberating, has actually left women more vulnerable to exploitation and emotional harm.

Double standards persist. Despite claims of sexual equality, biological realities mean that women often bear a disproportionate burden of the consequences of casual sex:

  • Greater risk of sexually transmitted infections
  • Emotional attachment in uncommitted relationships
  • Unwanted pregnancies and single motherhood

Loss of social protection. Traditional norms that once protected women from sexual pressure and exploitation have been dismantled, leaving many women struggling to navigate a hypersexualized culture without adequate social support.

4. Abortion advocacy has corrupted feminism's moral standing

Feminists have proved incapable of admitting their own role in assisting the trends they so condemned. The pornography industry could not have flourished without the green light provided by the sexual revolution.

Ethical contradiction. By championing abortion as a fundamental right, feminism has compromised its moral authority and alienated many potential supporters.

Devaluation of life. The pro-choice stance has led to a callousness toward unborn life that contradicts feminism's purported values of nurturing and care.

Unintended consequences. Abortion advocacy has:

  • Enabled irresponsible sexual behavior
  • Diminished the perceived value of motherhood
  • Contributed to the commodification of human life

5. Hookup culture is detrimental to both men and women

If we were trying to design a social system that inhibited the development of romance, coarsened young people's attitudes toward others, and facilitated date rape, the hookup culture couldn't be more perfect.

Emotional toll. The prevalence of casual sexual encounters on college campuses and beyond has led to increased rates of depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem among both men and women.

Skewed expectations. Hookup culture creates unrealistic and often harmful expectations about sex and relationships, particularly:

  • Pressure to engage in sexual activity without emotional connection
  • Normalization of excessive alcohol consumption as a precursor to sexual encounters
  • Difficulty in forming lasting, meaningful relationships

Gender disparity. Despite claims of sexual empowerment, hookup culture often benefits men more than women, reinforcing traditional power imbalances in sexual relationships.

6. Campus rape policies often ignore due process and common sense

These stories, repeated at a number of schools, were too much for the law faculties of Harvard and the University of Pennsylvania. Twenty-eight members of the Harvard Law School faculty signed an open letter in October 2014 objecting to the rules that Harvard promulgated under federal government pressure, stating that the university's sexual harassment policy was "inconsistent with many of the most basic principles we teach."

Overreach and bias. Many campus sexual assault policies, driven by political pressure and ideology, have abandoned fundamental principles of due process and fairness.

False narratives. Exaggerated statistics and sensationalized stories have created a distorted picture of campus sexual assault, leading to misguided policies and panic.

Neglected factors. Current approaches often fail to address key issues contributing to sexual misconduct:

  • The role of alcohol in clouding judgment and consent
  • The importance of personal responsibility in risk reduction
  • The need for clear communication and mutual respect in sexual encounters

7. Marriage and family are key to personal and societal well-being

Married adults are more likely to describe themselves as "very happy" (43 percent) than are singles (24 percent). Far from a trap for women, marriage is an essential component of happiness.

Empirical benefits. Research consistently shows that married individuals, on average, experience:

  • Higher levels of life satisfaction
  • Better physical and mental health
  • Greater financial stability
  • More robust social support networks

Societal stability. Strong marriages and families contribute to:

  • Lower crime rates
  • Improved educational outcomes for children
  • Reduced poverty and welfare dependence
  • Greater community engagement

Cultural shift needed. Promoting the value of marriage and family, particularly among disadvantaged populations, could significantly improve social outcomes and individual well-being.

8. The decline of fatherhood has negatively impacted society

As sociologists Sara McLanahan and Gary Sandefur report in their book, Growing Up with a Single Parent: What Hurts, What Helps: "[G]rowing up with only one biological parent frequently deprives children of important economic, parental, and community resources, and…these deprivations ultimately undermine their chances of future success."

Fatherlessness epidemic. The increasing prevalence of single-parent households, particularly those lacking a father figure, has led to a host of social problems.

Developmental impacts. Children raised without fathers are at higher risk for:

  • Poor academic performance
  • Behavioral issues and delinquency
  • Substance abuse
  • Mental health problems
  • Future relationship difficulties

Societal consequences. The decline of fatherhood contributes to broader social issues such as:

  • Increased poverty rates
  • Higher crime and incarceration rates
  • Greater strain on social services and welfare systems

9. Work-life balance remains a challenge, especially for mothers

Women do face prejudice and discrimination on the grounds of sex, and that must be combated—it has been illegal since 1963—but our obsessive focus on discrimination as the only explanation for differing life paths misses a huge fact of life. Women have different priorities from men—and thank God, for the good of all, they do.

Conflicting pressures. Many women struggle to balance career ambitions with family responsibilities, often facing criticism regardless of their choices.

Policy limitations. Workplace policies and social expectations often fail to accommodate the unique needs and preferences of working mothers:

  • Inadequate parental leave policies
  • Lack of flexible work arrangements
  • Stigma against career breaks for child-rearing

Rethinking success. A more holistic view of success that values both career achievement and family life could lead to greater satisfaction for both men and women.

10. Embracing femininity and motherhood can lead to fulfillment

When we care for others, we are expressing the least selfish, warmest aspects of our humanity. We love to see nurturing qualities in men—and many men excel at nurturing—so why not acknowledge that it's also an admirable trait in women?

Reclaiming nurturing. Recognizing and valuing traditionally feminine qualities, such as nurturing and empathy, can lead to greater personal and societal well-being.

Motherhood's rewards. Despite cultural devaluation, many women find deep fulfillment in motherhood:

  • Strong emotional bonds with children
  • Sense of purpose and meaning
  • Opportunity for personal growth and development

Balancing act. Embracing femininity and motherhood doesn't mean rejecting other pursuits, but rather finding a personal balance that aligns with individual values and goals.

Last updated:

Review Summary

3.74 out of 5
Average of 100+ ratings from Goodreads and Amazon.

Sex Matters receives mixed reviews, with conservative readers praising its critique of modern feminism and traditional values advocacy, while liberal readers criticize its bias and selective use of data. Supporters appreciate Charen's defense of motherhood and marriage, backed by research on family stability. Critics argue the book ignores scientific evidence, promotes outdated gender roles, and unfairly attacks feminism. Many reviewers, regardless of agreement, find the writing well-researched and thought-provoking, though some note a condescending tone. The book's exploration of feminism's impact on society, relationships, and individual choices generates passionate responses from readers across the political spectrum.

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About the Author

Mona Charen is a conservative columnist and author known for her focus on personal and family life issues. She has written multiple books and is a frequent commentator on politics and culture. Charen's work often critiques modern feminism and advocates for traditional family values. She draws on her experiences as a mother of three boys to inform her perspectives. Charen's writing style is described as clear, engaging, and well-researched, though some critics find her tone condescending at times. Her conservative viewpoints have garnered both praise and criticism, with supporters valuing her insights and detractors questioning her interpretations of data and social trends.

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