Stop Living on Autopilot

1. Stop living on autopilot and take responsibility for your life.

I had transitioned to autopilot instead of living life with intention and purpose.

Recognize the funk. Many people find themselves in a life that doesn't feel right, asking "How the hell did I end up here?" This feeling isn't sudden; it's a gradual slide into a funk, often masked by outward success. The author experienced this despite an impressive resume, realizing he was successful but miserable.

Autopilot is the problem. Living on autopilot means going through the motions, accepting zero responsibility for where life has led you. It's choosing conformity over intention, leading to a loss of spirit and a feeling of being stuck. This passive approach prevents you from living boldly and courageously.

Take back control. The path forward requires stopping the autopilot, facing your reality head-on, and taking responsibility for your life. It's about remembering you have a say in your life and that your story isn't over. The best thing to happen to you is still ahead, but it requires intentional action.

2. Your current life is a result of past choices, not sudden events.

The hard-to-accept truth is that the life you find yourself in today wasn’t created overnight.

Life is a process. The feeling of things falling apart "out of the blue" or "suddenly" is a narrative we tell ourselves to avoid a painful truth. Your current situation is a collection of days and a string of decisions you've made, compounded by ignored intuitions and silenced doubts.

Playing by the rules. Often, we end up feeling unfulfilled despite doing everything society told us would lead to success – getting an education, a good job, maybe a family. We played by the rules, checked the boxes, but ignored our gut feelings and ran away from what was truly important.

Questioning the path. This leads to questioning major life decisions like career, relationships, or where you live. What you're really questioning are the times you played it safe and didn't "shoot your shot." You feel out of place because you followed a path of conformity instead of your own.

3. Honestly evaluate your life by looking at your last thirty days.

Based on your last thirty days of work, if your company had to decide whether or not to rehire you, would they?

The 30-day metric. Instead of focusing on abstract five-year plans, look at your immediate past. Your last thirty days are a clear indicator of where you're headed. This applies to work, relationships, parenting, health, and finances.

Uncomfortable questions. Asking if your partner would recommit or if your kids would want you as a parent based on your last month forces an honest evaluation. It reveals if you've been taking things for granted or putting energy elsewhere.

• Work: Have you settled for "good enough"? Stopped building relationships? Stopped learning?
• Relationships: Are you still as kind, loving, and present as you were at the start?
• Parenting: Are you present and patient? Setting the right example?

Smell the cork. Like smelling a wine cork to see if it's spoiled, evaluate if your life is still "good to drink." If your last thirty days reveal rot, it's an invitation to evaluate your behavior and hit the reset button for the present and future.

4. Embrace your full story, including mistakes and imperfections.

Sometimes the things we are most ashamed of are actually the stories we most need to embrace.

Stories hold power. The narratives we tell ourselves shape our confidence, self-esteem, and expectations. Some stories lift us up, others cause us to shrink. It's crucial to tell ourselves the right story, built on a foundation of accepting our past.

Own your past. Everything that's happened, including mistakes and regrets (like a bad tattoo), shapes who you are. These experiences, even the painful ones, can be load-bearing stories that provide grit, resilience, and character. You must accept where you are today as an adult, without excuses or blame.

• Identify mistakes/regrets you need to accept.
• Find the lessons learned from these experiences.
• Recognize that your past doesn't determine your future; what matters is what you do with it now.

Beyond the highlight reel. What makes you unique rarely shows up on a Google search or resume. Your profound experiences, struggles, and the things you've overcome are your superpowers. Don't hide them; embrace them.

5. Bet on yourself because no one else will if you don't.

If you don’t bet on yourself, no one else will.

Life is a gamble. Every day, you're betting on yourself with your effort and choices. Others are betting on you too – family, employers, friends. Are you gambling away your life or making every moment count?

The "dash". Your life is the dash between your birth year and death year. Seeing this finite timeline should motivate you to live a life worth living. What you do with today – your time, energy, focus, choices – matters more than anything.

Take the risk. Betting on yourself means being willing to do something uncomfortable for a greater good, even when others say not to. It's choosing to go for broke when the pain of staying is greater than the pain of leaving.

• The author quit a good job to move to NYC with $800.
• He moved to LA to start a business despite skepticism.
• These were big bets that paid off.

Fear vs. Excitement. Betting can be scary, but fear can be twofold: bad fear keeps you still, good fear propels you forward. Often, fear is just excitement without the breath. Choose to lean into the excitement and jump when the "wind is at your back" – when opportunity arises.

6. Shed the uniform of conformity and be your authentic self.

As members of society, we impose uniforms on ourselves when we stop being bold and courageous and begin following someone else’s plan for our own lives.

Uniforms are masks. A uniform isn't just clothing; it's anything you do routinely without awareness that prevents you from being your true self. It can be a fixed mindset, following the crowd, or telling yourself excuses. Uniforms are encouraged by society for conformity, but they can be exhausting and ruinous.

The cost of conformity. Wearing a uniform provides a sense of safety or belonging, but it can mask dissatisfaction and create distance. The author wore a "reporter voice" and a specific wardrobe for years, realizing it was a mask shielding his true feelings and preventing him from landing bigger opportunities.

Be verified by you. Seeking external validation (like a social media blue checkmark or a prestigious job title) is like wearing a uniform. True validation comes from within. You were verified the day you were born. Endorse yourself and be comfortable pursuing your dreams without external approval.

7. Put in the work and effort when no one is watching.

The magic happens when no one is watching.

Beyond the highlight reel. People judge you constantly based on attitude, effort, and presence. To make others want to "turn up the volume" on you, you must put in the work, especially when no one is watching.

Give your all. It's easy to phone it in when you're not under scrutiny (like the opening act ignored by the crowd). But true success is built in the unseen hours.

• The Olympic sprinter trained for years in empty stadiums.
• The entrepreneur built their business early mornings and late nights.
• The student working full-time chips away at their degree daily.

Earn the altitude. You don't climb a mountain by accident; it takes preparation and time. Instant success (like reality TV winners or lottery winners) often doesn't last because people haven't put in the deep, hard work required to sustain it. Don't skip steps; fall in love with the process of "climbing."

8. Regularly find your edge where fear and excitement meet.

If you’re not close enough to the edge, then you’re taking up too much space.

The feeling of the edge. Finding your edge is that place where fear and excitement converge – butterflies, increased heart rate, trembling hands. It's a signal you're outside your comfort zone, stretching and growing. If you don't feel this regularly, you're standing still.

Jump when the wind blows. Opportunities arise like a tailwind for a long jumper. You can't control the wind, but when it's at your back, you must jump to create momentum. Don't let fear stop you; reframe it as excitement.

• Asking a crush out.
• Moving to a new city.
• Starting a business.
• Having a tough conversation.

Red-light moments. These are critical points where you must choose to act or not. The older we get, the fewer red-light moments we encounter because we get comfortable or paralyzed by responsibilities. Create more of these moments and seize them.

9. Build a team of allies who make you better.

A man only learns in two ways, one by reading, and the other by association with smarter people.

You need a team. You don't have to figure everything out alone. Surround yourself with people who make you better. Loneliness is an epidemic; connection is crucial for happiness and progress.

Allies vs. Thieves. Evaluate the people you spend the most time with.

• Thieves of Ambition: Don't encourage, challenge, or hold you accountable. They drain your energy and focus on drama.
• Allies of Glory: Encourage, inspire, challenge, push, and hold you accountable. They bring positivity and help you take action.

Pay for the red ink. Allies provide good friction – real, constructive feedback that helps you improve. Like a professor's red ink on a paper, it shows you where to grow. Top performers seek this out; they don't avoid it. Vulnerability is required to receive it.

Build your board. Identify people with expertise and experience who can guide you. These don't have to be best friends; they can be mentors, coaches, or colleagues. Create opportunities to connect regularly and get their input on your key goals.

10. Be your own benefactor and invest in your dreams.

What makes you happy can make other people uncomfortable.

Growth threatens others. As you grow and change, some people, even those close to you, may resist or subtly sabotage you. Your progress highlights what they aren't doing. Be wary of "I just want what's best for you" if it means they want you to stay stagnant.

Support comes from unexpected places. Don't assume friends and family will be your biggest supporters. Often, people you barely know will open doors and help you. This is a beautiful part of humanity. Don't let a lack of support from some hold you back.

Fund your dreams. You don't need a trust fund or external funding to pursue your dreams. Your "benefactors" can be your full-time or part-time jobs. Use the income and stability from your current work to fund your passion projects and build the life you want on the side.

• The author used income from corporate jobs to build his speaking/coaching business.
• Reframing your day job as funding for your dream makes it purposeful.
• Kick-start yourself with hard work, dedication, and willingness to stick through tough times.

11. Implement a daily checklist of essential habits for progress.

Research in positive psychology finds that regular achievement is a critical component of happiness.

The Top 5. To stay charged and make progress, commit to a daily checklist of essential habits. These aren't random; they profoundly impact your attitude, energy, focus, and health.

• Learn: Continuously seek new knowledge (podcasts, books, courses).
• Sweat: Move your body daily to release endorphins.
• Eat: Fuel your body with nutritious food for energy.
• Meditate: Practice daily stillness for mental clarity and stress reduction.
• Connect: Have intentional, human connection with people who matter.

Bonus: Journal. Writing down thoughts, wins, or gratitude can be a powerful mental detox.

Finish something. Don't just start projects; finish them. Regular achievement, no matter how small (like finishing a book or a puzzle), is crucial for happiness and building momentum.

Earn your sleep. True rest comes from knowing you put in the effort towards what matters most. Don't just go through the motions; give your all to your dreams, even after your day job. Run through the finish line you define for yourself.

Last updated: May 3, 2025