Taking the Leap

1. Acknowledge and embrace your fears to overcome them

The peace that we are looking for is not peace that crumbles as soon as there is difficulty or chaos.

Face your fears. Instead of running away from fear, we must learn to make friends with it. This involves acknowledging our fears and anxieties, no matter how big or small, and embracing them as part of our human experience. By doing so, we can begin to transform our relationship with fear and develop true fearlessness.

Understand fear's nature. Fear is often rooted in our ego's desire for security and comfort. When we feel threatened, our instinct is to protect ourselves by avoiding or suppressing our fears. However, this approach only strengthens fear's hold on us. By recognizing that fear is a natural part of life and that it's okay to feel afraid, we can start to loosen its grip.

Practice smiling at fear. Chögyam Trungpa introduces the concept of "smiling at fear" as a way to approach our anxieties with curiosity and openness. This doesn't mean forcing ourselves to be happy in the face of fear, but rather cultivating a gentle, accepting attitude towards our fears. By doing so, we can begin to see fear as an opportunity for growth and self-discovery rather than something to be avoided at all costs.

2. Practice pausing to interrupt habitual reactions

Pausing is very helpful in this process. It creates a momentary contrast between being completely self-absorbed and being awake and present.

Create space for awareness. Pausing allows us to interrupt our automatic reactions and create a moment of clarity. In this brief pause, we can become aware of our thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations without immediately acting on them. This awareness is the first step in breaking free from habitual patterns of behavior.

Implement practical techniques. To cultivate the habit of pausing:

• Take three conscious breaths when you feel triggered
• Set reminders throughout the day to pause and check in with yourself
• Practice mindfulness meditation to strengthen your ability to pause and observe

Use pausing as a tool for change. By consistently practicing pausing, we can gradually change our relationship with challenging situations. Instead of immediately reacting, we create space for more skillful responses. This can lead to better communication, reduced stress, and increased emotional intelligence.

3. Develop maitri: unconditional friendliness towards yourself

When we build a house, we start by creating a stable foundation. Just so, when we wish to benefit others, we start by developing warmth or friendship for ourselves.

Cultivate self-compassion. Maitri is the practice of developing unconditional acceptance and kindness towards ourselves. This involves treating ourselves with the same care and understanding that we would offer a good friend. By cultivating maitri, we create a strong foundation for personal growth and genuine compassion for others.

Break the cycle of self-criticism. Many of us have a habit of harsh self-judgment, which can lead to feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness. Practicing maitri helps us recognize and interrupt this cycle of negative self-talk. Instead of berating ourselves for our mistakes or shortcomings, we learn to approach ourselves with gentleness and understanding.

Extend compassion to others. As we develop maitri, we naturally become more compassionate towards others. We recognize that everyone struggles with their own fears and insecurities, just as we do. This understanding allows us to approach others with greater empathy and kindness, fostering deeper connections and more harmonious relationships.

4. Recognize shenpa to break the cycle of emotional reactivity

Shenpa is not the thoughts or emotions per se. Shenpa is preverbal, but it breeds thoughts and emotions very quickly. If we're attentive, we can feel it happening.

Understand shenpa. Shenpa is the Tibetan word for the initial tightening or "hook" we feel when something triggers us emotionally. It's the moment before we react, when we feel a sudden urge to defend ourselves, lash out, or withdraw. Recognizing shenpa is key to breaking free from habitual emotional reactions.

Observe the process. To work with shenpa:

1. Notice the initial tightening or discomfort
2. Pause and take a few deep breaths
3. Observe the urge to react without acting on it
4. Allow the feeling to be present without judgment
5. Choose a more skillful response

Practice non-reactivity. By consistently recognizing and sitting with shenpa, we can gradually weaken its hold on us. This doesn't mean suppressing our emotions, but rather learning to experience them without being controlled by them. Over time, this practice can lead to greater emotional stability and freedom.

5. Cultivate natural intelligence, warmth, and openness

Natural intelligence, natural warmth, and natural openness are three basic qualities that have always been with us but perhaps have gotten buried and been almost forgotten.

Reconnect with innate wisdom. We all possess natural intelligence, warmth, and openness, but these qualities can become obscured by our habitual patterns and fears. By practicing mindfulness and self-awareness, we can reconnect with these innate qualities and allow them to guide our actions.

Develop trust in yourself. Cultivating these qualities involves developing trust in your own inherent wisdom and goodness. This doesn't mean ignoring your flaws or mistakes, but rather recognizing that at your core, you have the capacity for clarity, compassion, and openness.

Practice in daily life. To cultivate these qualities:

• Natural intelligence: Trust your intuition and gut feelings
• Natural warmth: Practice kindness and empathy towards yourself and others
• Natural openness: Approach new experiences and perspectives with curiosity

6. Use pain and difficulty as catalysts for growth and compassion

When we feel dread, when we feel discomfort of any kind, it can connect us at the heart with all the other people feeling dread and discomfort.

Embrace challenges. Instead of viewing pain and difficulty as obstacles to be avoided, we can learn to see them as opportunities for growth and deepening our compassion. By facing our own struggles, we develop a greater understanding of the human experience and a stronger connection to others.

Develop empathy through shared experience. When we're going through tough times, we can use our own pain as a bridge to connect with others who are suffering. This shared experience of difficulty can help us develop genuine empathy and compassion, breaking down the barriers that often separate us from others.

Transform suffering into wisdom. By working with our pain and challenges skillfully, we can transform them into sources of wisdom and strength. This doesn't mean we seek out suffering, but rather that we learn to use the inevitable difficulties of life as catalysts for personal and spiritual growth.

7. Practice tonglen to develop empathy and reduce self-centeredness

Tonglen goes beyond compassionate abiding because it is a practice that includes the suffering of other beings and the longing that this suffering could be removed.

Understand tonglen. Tonglen is a Tibetan Buddhist practice that involves breathing in the suffering of others and breathing out relief and compassion. This practice helps us develop empathy and reduce our self-centeredness by actively engaging with the pain of others.

Practice tonglen meditation:

1. Visualize someone who is suffering
2. As you inhale, imagine taking in their pain and discomfort
3. As you exhale, send them relief, comfort, and compassion
4. Gradually expand this practice to include more people and situations

Apply tonglen in daily life. While tonglen is traditionally a formal meditation practice, its principles can be applied in everyday situations. When you encounter someone who is struggling, mentally breathe in their pain and breathe out wishes for their well-being. This can help cultivate a more compassionate and connected way of relating to others.

8. Engage in compassionate abiding to transmute negative energy

Compassionate abiding is a way of bringing warmth to unwanted feelings. It is a direct method for embracing our experience rather than rejecting it.

Accept your experience. Compassionate abiding involves fully accepting and embracing our current experience, especially when it's uncomfortable or painful. Instead of trying to push away negative emotions or experiences, we learn to stay present with them with kindness and curiosity.

Practice compassionate abiding:

1. Notice any discomfort or unwanted feelings
2. Breathe in, allowing the feeling to be fully present
3. Breathe out, relaxing and giving the feeling space
4. Continue this process, staying present with the experience

Transform negative energy. By practicing compassionate abiding, we can transmute negative energy into warmth and openness. This doesn't mean the difficult feelings magically disappear, but rather that our relationship to them changes. We become less reactive and more able to respond skillfully to challenging situations.

9. Rejoice in your capacity for self-reflection and personal growth

We have this mistaken idea that either we have regret or we get rid of it. Trungpa Rinpoche talked about holding the sadness of life in our heart while never forgetting the beauty of the world and the goodness of being alive.

Celebrate small victories. Instead of focusing solely on our failures or shortcomings, we can learn to rejoice in our capacity for self-reflection and growth. Even small moments of awareness or kindness are worth celebrating, as they indicate our ability to learn and change.

Balance honesty with kindness. Self-reflection involves being honest about our mistakes and areas for improvement. However, it's important to balance this honesty with kindness and compassion for ourselves. Recognize that growth is a process and that setbacks are a natural part of that process.

Cultivate a growth mindset. By rejoicing in our capacity for self-reflection and personal growth, we cultivate a growth mindset. This perspective sees challenges as opportunities for learning and views our abilities as malleable rather than fixed. A growth mindset can lead to greater resilience, creativity, and overall well-being.

10. Cultivate fearlessness to create an enlightened society

Deep down in the human spirit there is a reservoir of courage. It is always available, always waiting to be discovered.

Understand true fearlessness. Fearlessness doesn't mean the absence of fear, but rather the ability to act with courage and compassion in the face of fear. By cultivating fearlessness, we can become agents of positive change in our communities and the world at large.

Develop the qualities of a spiritual warrior:

• Courage: Face challenges with bravery and determination
• Gentleness: Approach yourself and others with kindness and understanding
• Discipline: Consistently practice mindfulness and compassion
• Humor: Maintain a sense of lightness and perspective

Contribute to enlightened society. As we develop fearlessness and the qualities of a spiritual warrior, we naturally contribute to creating a more compassionate and enlightened society. This doesn't mean striving for perfection, but rather consistently working to bring more awareness, kindness, and wisdom into our interactions and communities.

Last updated: August 21, 2024