Tantric Dating

1. Redefine Tantra: A Path to Self-Acceptance and Love

"The Tantric path, which is not as well-known, is that there's nothing to be done, everything is already perfect."

Tantra redefined. Contrary to popular belief, tantra is not primarily about sex. It's a spiritual path that embraces all aspects of human existence, including anger, pain, and sexuality. The tantric approach celebrates our full humanity, encouraging self-acceptance and love for all that we are.

Key principles:

• Everything is already perfect
• All is permitted and holy
• There's nothing to improve
• Celebrate all aspects of yourself

This perspective contrasts sharply with the yogic path, which often focuses on self-improvement and restriction. By adopting a tantric mindset, we can learn to love ourselves and others more fully, without judgment or the need for change.

2. Challenge Conventional Dating Mindsets

"Conventional dating in and of itself encourages us to think there's something wrong with other people and something wrong with us."

Shift your perspective. The conventional dating approach often leads to feelings of inadequacy and harsh judgment of others. It perpetuates myths about who is lovable based on superficial criteria, keeping many people from seeking love due to fear of rejection or not being "good enough."

Problems with conventional dating:

• Encourages judgment of self and others
• Focuses on superficial qualities
• Promotes a consumer mindset in relationships
• Leads to quick dismissal of potential partners

By challenging these mindsets, we can open ourselves to more authentic connections and a broader range of potential partners. The goal is to move from a consumer mentality to one of genuine human connection and appreciation.

3. Embrace the Present Moment in Dating

"From a tantric perspective every single person you meet is the right person in this moment."

Live in the now. Tantric dating encourages us to appreciate the person in front of us, rather than constantly searching for an idealized future partner. This approach helps us cultivate genuine connections and learn from each interaction, regardless of the outcome.

By embracing the present moment:

• We learn to enjoy each encounter for what it is
• We develop a greater capacity for love and acceptance
• We reduce anxiety about finding "the one"
• We open ourselves to unexpected connections and growth opportunities

This mindset shift allows us to see each person we meet as a potential teacher or source of love, rather than merely a candidate for a romantic fantasy.

4. Overcome Appearance-Based Prejudices

"Looks are one thing we can't control, along with age and bone structure. For me it's actually become one of the least interesting things about a person, because it's what people are born with and can't control."

Look beyond the surface. Society conditions us to prioritize physical appearance in romantic partners, but this focus often leads to missed opportunities for meaningful connections. By challenging our appearance-based prejudices, we can expand our capacity for love and attraction.

Strategies to overcome appearance bias:

• Practice "blind" interactions to focus on energy and connection
• Look for qualities like kindness, trustworthiness, and compatibility
• Recognize that attraction can grow with time and intimacy
• Challenge media-driven beauty standards

By shifting our focus from physical appearance to character and energy, we open ourselves to a wider range of potential partners and more fulfilling relationships.

5. Rethink "Chemistry" and Rejection

"When people say they're looking for 'chemistry' often they are looking at issues that are going to trigger unfinished business from the past."

Reframe your experiences. What we often interpret as "chemistry" or "rejection" may be reflections of our own unresolved issues or societal conditioning. By reframing these concepts, we can approach dating with more openness and less fear.

Key points to consider:

• "Chemistry" might indicate unresolved childhood programming
• "Rejection" is often just a mismatch or poor communication
• Use phrases like "not a good fit" instead of "rejection"
• View challenging interactions as opportunities for growth

By adopting this perspective, we can reduce the emotional pain associated with dating and focus on personal growth and genuine connections.

6. Take Responsibility for Your Love Life

"It's all up to me if I love you or not; it's not up to you. It actually has nothing to do with you whatsoever."

Own your love journey. Taking responsibility for your love life means recognizing that your capacity to love is within your control. It's not about waiting for the perfect person to appear, but about cultivating your own ability to love and connect.

Steps to take responsibility:

• Make a conscious decision to live in love
• Develop an action plan for meeting potential partners
• Work on opening your heart, even to those who aren't "the one"
• Recognize and challenge your own barriers to love

By shifting the focus from finding the right person to becoming a more loving person yourself, you increase your chances of attracting and maintaining fulfilling relationships.

7. Cultivate Compassion and Loving-Kindness

"Osho once said there is nothing wrong with anybody except they didn't get enough love. Let's try in our own small way to rectify that situation."

Expand your heart. Cultivating compassion and loving-kindness is essential for creating more love in your life and the world. This practice involves developing empathy for others and actively wishing for their happiness and wellbeing.

Techniques for cultivating compassion:

• Practice Metta meditation
• Use Tonglen breathing exercises
• Reframe difficult people as spiritual teachers
• Actively look for the good in others

By developing these qualities, you not only become more attractive to potential partners but also contribute to creating a more loving world overall.

8. Balance Yin and Yang Energies in Relationships

"Yang is looking for yin, sorely missing in today's world."

Find harmony. Modern society often emphasizes yang (active, assertive) qualities at the expense of yin (receptive, nurturing) qualities. Recognizing and balancing these energies in ourselves and our relationships can lead to more fulfilling connections.

Ways to balance yin and yang:

• Practice the "Egg Meditation" to connect with yin energy
• Identify and appreciate both yin and yang qualities in yourself and others
• Recognize that both men and women have yin and yang aspects
• Seek complementary energies in relationships, rather than just similar ones

By embracing both yin and yang qualities, we can create more balanced and harmonious relationships that satisfy both partners' needs.

9. Practice Tantric Dating Exercises for Personal Growth

"The Eyes—Your False Friends"

Grow through practice. Tantric dating isn't just a concept; it's a practice that requires active engagement and self-reflection. By incorporating specific exercises into your dating life, you can develop greater self-awareness and capacity for love.

Key tantric dating exercises:

• The Eyes—Your False Friends: Look beyond physical appearance
• The Egg Meditation: Connect with yin energy
• Tantric Dating Metta: Cultivate loving-kindness
• Tantric Dating Tonglen: Develop compassion
• Self-reflection questions: Examine your barriers to love

Regular practice of these exercises can help you overcome societal conditioning, develop greater empathy and compassion, and ultimately become more open to genuine love and connection.

Last updated: August 11, 2024