Tempered Resilience

1. Leaders are forged in the crucible of change

Leadership, even of the very highest order, is often marked by failure.

Adaptive challenges shape leaders. The process of leading through change is inherently difficult and often marked by setbacks. Unlike technical problems that can be solved with existing knowledge, adaptive challenges require leaders and their organizations to learn, grow, and transform. This crucible experience of facing resistance, managing conflict, and persevering through failure is what ultimately forges resilient leaders.

Change exposes vulnerabilities. When leaders step into the arena of transformational change, they often confront their own limitations and insecurities. The pressure of high-stakes decisions, the pain of disappointing others, and the fear of failure can trigger what Friedman calls a "failure of nerve" - retreating to the safety of the status quo - or a "failure of heart" - becoming cynical and disengaged. These crucible moments reveal a leader's true character and capacity for growth.

Leadership is formed in leading. While education and preparation are valuable, the most profound leadership development happens through the actual experience of leading through challenges. As leaders take responsibility for bringing change, confront brutal realities, and persist in the face of resistance, they develop the wisdom, courage, and resilience needed to lead effectively. This formative process is ongoing, humbling, and often painful - but it is how truly transformational leaders are shaped.

2. Resilience is the key to overcoming failures of nerve and heart

Resilience for faith leaders is the ability to wisely persevere toward the mission God has put before them amid both the external challenges and the internal resistance of the leader's followers.

Resilience enables persistence. The ability to bounce back from setbacks, adapt to changing circumstances, and maintain commitment to purpose in the face of adversity is essential for leaders navigating transformational change. Resilience provides the inner resources to overcome both the "failure of nerve" that causes leaders to shrink back from necessary change and the "failure of heart" that leads to cynicism and disengagement.

Resilience can be developed. While some people may have a natural predisposition toward resilience, it is a capacity that can be cultivated through intentional practices and experiences. Key factors that contribute to resilience include:

• A clear sense of purpose and calling
• Strong relationships and support systems
• The ability to find meaning in challenges
• A growth mindset that views setbacks as opportunities to learn
• Regular practices of self-reflection and renewal

Resilient leaders build resilient organizations. As leaders develop their own resilience, they become better equipped to foster resilience in their teams and organizations. This involves creating a culture that embraces learning from failure, maintains hope in the face of setbacks, and stays focused on purpose and mission even amid disruption and uncertainty.

3. Grounded identity and teachable mindset form the foundation of resilient leadership

To overcome both failure of nerve and failure of heart requires that a change leader have an identity that is grounded in something other than one's success in leading change.

Secure identity enables risk-taking. Leaders who have a clear sense of who they are, rooted in something deeper than their role or accomplishments, are better able to take the risks necessary for transformational leadership. This grounded identity provides the security to face criticism, setbacks, and even failure without being emotionally devastated or losing sight of purpose.

Humility fuels growth. A teachable mindset - the willingness to acknowledge limitations, learn from others, and continually grow - is essential for adaptive leadership. This requires:

• Overcoming the "expert expectation" to have all the answers
• Embracing vulnerability and admitting when you don't know
• Actively seeking feedback and diverse perspectives
• Viewing challenges as opportunities to learn and improve

Practices for developing groundedness and teachability:

• Regular spiritual practices that reinforce core identity and values
• Seeking mentors and coaches who provide honest feedback
• Creating a personal "learning agenda" to continually develop new skills and knowledge
• Practicing self-reflection to increase self-awareness and identify growth areas

4. Attunement and adaptability are critical skills for navigating change

Reframing creates the sensation of momentum. It honors an organization's past. It celebrates the progress that has already been made and then challenges the group to continue the work, to finish the job, to accomplish the mission that is already in progress.

Attunement enables empathy. The ability to deeply listen and connect emotionally with others is crucial for leading through change. Attuned leaders can:

• Sense the underlying fears and concerns driving resistance
• Identify unspoken needs and aspirations
• Build trust through genuine understanding and empathy
• Navigate competing values and priorities

Adaptability provides agility. In a rapidly changing environment, leaders must be able to adjust strategies and approaches while staying true to core purpose. This involves:

• Maintaining a learning orientation to continually reassess and adapt
• Balancing continuity and change by honoring the past while embracing the future
• Reframing challenges to align with organizational identity and values
• Experimenting with new approaches and learning from both successes and failures

Practices for developing attunement and adaptability:

• Active listening exercises to improve empathy and understanding
• Regular environmental scanning to identify emerging trends and challenges
• Creating feedback loops to gather diverse perspectives and adjust course
• Scenario planning to anticipate potential futures and build adaptive capacity

5. Tenacity fueled by passion and perseverance sustains leaders through challenges

Grit is thus downstream from longing. People need a powerful why if they are going to be able to endure any how.

Passion provides purpose. A deep sense of calling and commitment to a cause greater than oneself is essential for sustaining leadership through difficult times. This passion:

• Fuels motivation when obstacles arise
• Provides meaning in the face of setbacks
• Inspires others to persevere toward shared goals

Perseverance enables endurance. The ability to stay the course and maintain effort over the long haul is crucial for bringing about transformational change. This involves:

• Developing grit - the combination of passion and perseverance
• Building resilience to bounce back from failures and setbacks
• Maintaining focus on long-term goals amid short-term challenges

Cultivating tenacity:

• Regularly reconnecting with core purpose and values
• Celebrating small wins to maintain momentum
• Building a supportive community that encourages persistence
• Practicing self-care to sustain energy for the long haul
• Developing a growth mindset that views challenges as opportunities for learning and growth

6. Self-reflection and relationships provide the heat and holding for leadership formation

If the actual task of leading is the shop for forming a leader, the forge that makes the leader ready for the forming is the fire of vulnerable self-reflection.

Self-reflection generates heat. The practice of honest, vulnerable self-examination is essential for leadership growth. This involves:

• Confronting personal limitations and blind spots
• Processing emotions and experiences
• Identifying areas for growth and development
• Aligning actions with values and purpose

Relationships provide holding. Strong, supportive relationships create a secure base that enables leaders to take risks and persevere through challenges. Key relationships include:

• Mentors who provide wisdom and guidance
• Peers who offer mutual support and accountability
• Friends and family who provide emotional grounding
• Team members who share the journey of leadership

Practices for reflection and relationship:

• Regular journaling or other reflective practices
• Engaging in coaching or spiritual direction
• Participating in peer learning communities
• Cultivating deep friendships outside of work roles
• Creating space for vulnerability and authenticity within teams

7. Learning, listening, looking, and lamenting shape resilient leaders and organizations

Observation followed by creativity is becoming our greatest ally.

Continuous learning fuels adaptation. Leaders must cultivate a mindset of ongoing growth and development to navigate complex, changing environments. This involves:

• Seeking out diverse perspectives and experiences
• Engaging in deliberate practice to develop new skills
• Staying curious and open to new ideas and approaches

Deep listening enables understanding. The ability to truly hear and empathize with others is crucial for building trust and navigating change. Effective listening includes:

• Paying attention to both verbal and non-verbal cues
• Seeking to understand underlying needs and motivations
• Creating safe spaces for honest dialogue and feedback

Observant looking provides perspective. Leaders need to develop the capacity to step back and see the bigger picture. This involves:

• Regularly getting "on the balcony" to observe system dynamics
• Identifying patterns and trends that others might miss
• Anticipating potential challenges and opportunities

Honest lamenting acknowledges pain. Facing the brutal realities of loss and disappointment is essential for authentic leadership. Lamenting involves:

• Creating space to process grief and pain
• Acknowledging the cost of change and transformation
• Finding hope and meaning in the midst of difficulty

8. A rhythm of leading and not leading tempers resilient leadership for the long haul

The key to resilience is trying really hard, then stopping, recovering, and then trying again.

Balancing stress and rest. Just as steel is tempered through cycles of heating and cooling, leaders develop resilience through rhythms of intense engagement and intentional withdrawal. This involves:

• Recognizing the limits of human capacity and the need for renewal
• Creating boundaries between work and rest
• Engaging in regular practices of sabbath and recreation

Cultivating non-anxious presence. The ability to remain calm and centered amid chaos is crucial for effective leadership. This requires:

• Developing emotional self-regulation skills
• Practicing mindfulness and present-moment awareness
• Maintaining perspective on what truly matters

Practices for sustainable leadership:

• Establishing clear rhythms of work and rest
• Engaging in regular physical exercise and self-care
• Cultivating hobbies and interests outside of work
• Participating in spiritual practices that nurture the soul
• Creating space for play and joy in life and leadership

Last updated: April 29, 2025