The 3 Gaps

1. The Universal Desire to Make a Difference

I have learned that we all want to make a difference, to be significant or to make a contribution in some way so as to alleviate suffering or to make the world a better place.

A deep human need. From historical figures like Winston Churchill, who felt obsessed with making a difference, to everyday heroes like the first responders on 9/11, the drive to contribute is fundamental. This innate desire motivates us to act, even in the face of immense pain and suffering. Recognizing this shared aspiration connects us and highlights the potential within each person to impact the world around them.

Pain is inevitable, misery is optional. Life brings unavoidable pain, whether personal tragedy like losing loved ones or collective trauma like 9/11. However, choosing misery is a decision that shuts down the mind, halts progress, and negatively impacts everyone nearby. The ability to move forward despite pain, as demonstrated by pioneers and those who overcome personal loss, is key to fulfilling the desire to make a difference.

Starting with yourself. To effectively make a difference in the world, you must first get your own life in order. This involves understanding and addressing the internal conflicts and inefficiencies that drain your energy and capacity. By focusing on personal growth and achieving inner peace, you build the foundation necessary to contribute meaningfully to others and the world.

2. Inner Peace Comes from Closing Life's Gaps

Inner peace comes from having serenity, balance, and harmony in our lives achieved through the disciplined closing of the Three Gaps.

The Indiana Jones analogy. Just as Indiana Jones faced a chasm separating him from the Holy Grail, we face gaps that separate us from our goals and inner peace. These gaps aren't magically bridged; they require conscious effort and discipline to cross. The treasures waiting on the other side are serenity, balance, and harmony.

Gaps drain power. When there is incongruity between what we believe, what we value, and how we spend our time, it creates internal conflict and drains the energy needed for purposeful living. This lack of alignment prevents us from operating at our full potential and diminishes our capacity to make a positive impact. Closing these gaps is essential for reclaiming that power.

A profound by-product. Achieving congruity between our highest priorities and our actions leads to a state of inner peace. This isn't merely the absence of conflict, but a positive state of being whole and aligned. This profound by-product of closing the gaps increases our ability to steer our lives intentionally rather than drifting passively.

3. The Beliefs Gap: The Chasm Between What You Believe and What Is True

Because beliefs are such a powerful determining factor in our lives, the first gap I want to discuss is the gap between what you believe to be true and what is actually true: your Beliefs Gap.

The Belief Window. Everyone views the world through a "Belief Window," a collection of principles and assumptions accumulated over a lifetime. These beliefs, whether correct or incorrect, rational or irrational, productive or counterproductive, automatically govern our behavior. The number of beliefs grows with age and experience.

Incorrect beliefs lead to negative results. When beliefs on our window do not reflect reality or natural law, they lead to patterns of behavior that produce negative outcomes over time. These results can manifest as stress, emotional pain, relationship problems, or professional disappointments. The pain signals that an incorrect or inadequate belief is at play.

Behavior reveals beliefs. Since we can't print out a list of our beliefs, the only way to identify them is by examining the behavior they produce. Analyzing patterns of behavior that yield negative results points directly to the underlying incorrect belief. This gap between what we believe will meet our needs and what actually does is the Beliefs Gap.

4. Closing the Beliefs Gap: Change Your Behavior by Changing Your Beliefs

Remember, until you change the belief on your Belief Window, your behavior will never change.

A four-step process. Closing the Beliefs Gap requires a deliberate process:

1. Admit: Acknowledge that your behavior is causing pain and that you must change.
2. Ask Why: Honestly examine the negative behavior to uncover the underlying belief driving it.
3. Adopt an Alternative: Identify a new, alternative belief that would lead to positive results over time.
4. Act as If: Begin behaving as if the new belief is true, even if it feels unnatural at first.

Behavior creates neural pathways. Acting on a new belief, even when you don't fully believe it yet, creates new neural pathways in the brain. This process, sometimes called "fake it till you make it," makes the new behavior feel more normal over time. Eventually, the new belief becomes automatic, and the old, painful behavior disappears.

Results follow belief. The results in your life flow automatically from your behavior, which is dictated by the beliefs on your Belief Window. If you want different, positive results that meet your needs over time, you must change the belief driving the behavior. This change is rarely instantaneous but leads to inner peace as the gap closes.

5. The Values Gap: The Disconnect Between Your Highest Priorities and Your Actions

When you find yourself in one of these situations you can become painfully aware of a gap between what you value most and what you are actually doing—the Values Gap.

Busy-ness distracts. In a hectic world, it's easy to get caught up in daily activities and lose sight of what truly matters. Time passes, and we may look back with regret, realizing we've invested energy in things that don't align with our deepest priorities. Major life events often trigger this painful realization.

Governing values define priorities. Everyone has a set of governing values, which are descriptions of their highest priorities. These are the things important enough to invest time, resources, and energy in. When there is a gap between these values and our actual actions, we experience pain and a sense of disconnect.

The I-Beam Experience. This thought experiment helps identify governing values by asking what you would risk your life for. Safety and money have value, but often, things like the love of a child or personal integrity hold a much higher, governing value. Identifying these core priorities is the first step to purposeful living.

6. Closing the Values Gap: Identify, Clarify, and Prioritize Your Governing Values

What value, idea, principle, or person has such great value to you that you would risk, maybe even dedicate your life to that value?

Three essential steps. Closing the Values Gap involves a structured process:

1. Identify: Determine your governing values, asking yourself what you would cross the I-beam for.
2. Clarify: Write a statement for each value explaining exactly what it means to you in practical terms.
3. Prioritize: Rank your values in order of importance, creating your personal constitution.

Your personal constitution. This prioritized list of values, with clarifying statements, serves as your personal constitution. Like the U.S. Constitution, it becomes the standard against which you measure your decisions and actions. Living in accordance with this constitution ensures your daily activities align with your highest priorities.

Harmony brings inner peace. The state of harmony between what you value most and what you actually do leads to inner peace. This alignment requires reaching deep within to discover what truly matters. Without this clarity, you live reactively, controlled by external pressures rather than proactively steering your life based on your core values.

7. The Time Gap: The Discrepancy Between How You Want to Spend Time and How You Do

This choice is the root of the third gap—the Time Gap (or, as it is sometimes called, the Productivity Gap).

Time is constant, options increase. While we may feel more pressured and busy than previous generations, the fundamental amount of time remains the same: 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. The difference lies in the sheer number of options and demands competing for our attention, often enabled by technology.

The gap between desire and reality. The Time Gap is the difference between how we want to spend our limited time and how we actually spend it. This gap is often filled with "meaningless activity and motion" rather than purposeful action aligned with our values. Closing this gap requires intentional choices about how we use our time.

Three principles for closing the gap. Mastering the Time Gap involves understanding and applying three key principles:

• The concept of event control (what you can control)
• The power of daily planning (investing time to leverage time)
• The discipline of managing your planning (handling interruptions)

8. Closing the Time Gap: Control Events Through Daily Planning

The act of planning is an event over which we have total control.

Time management is event control. Time is defined as the occurrence of events in sequence. Therefore, time management is the act of controlling events. While we have no control over external events like weather or traffic, we have total control over ourselves and our responses. Focusing on what we can control is key.

The magic fifteen minutes. Investing just 10-15 minutes each day in formal planning acts as a powerful time lever. This dedicated time, ideally uninterrupted, helps clarify tasks, increase focus, reduce transition time between activities, and build a sense of accomplishment. It's an event entirely within your control.

Seven steps to daily planning:

1. Find a quiet place for focus.
2. Seek inspiration (meditation, prayer, reading).
3. Review your governing values.
4. Integrate long-range goals into the day.
5. List time-fixed appointments.
6. List time-flexible tasks (realistically).
7. Prioritize tasks based on importance.

9. Managing the Unexpected: Align Choices with Your Values

When confronted with unforeseen events, the best option will always be in concert with my governing values and best meet my needs over time.

Interruptions are constant. In the 21st century, unexpected events and interruptions are pervasive, constantly threatening to derail our plans. Technology ensures we are always reachable, blurring the lines between work and personal time. These events are neither inherently good nor bad, but how we respond determines their impact.

Choice in the moment. When an unexpected demand arises, you have a choice: stick to your plan or deviate. While some events require immediate attention (emergencies), many others present an opportunity to choose. Saying "no" or deferring a request allows you to prioritize your planned activities, especially those aligned with your values.

Opportunity cost and values. Every choice has an opportunity cost – deciding to do one thing means deciding not to do everything else. When faced with a conflict between your plan and an unexpected event, evaluate which option is most in concert with your governing values and will best meet your needs over time. This values-based decision-making helps close the Time Gap.

10. Character: The Ability to Act on Worthy Decisions

Character is the ability to carry out a worthy decision after the emotion of making that decision has passed.

Beyond initial emotion. Making a decision, especially one driven by strong emotion (like being called "porky"), is easy in the moment. True character is demonstrated by the ability to follow through on that decision long after the initial emotional impulse fades and the difficulty of execution sets in.

Doing what you say. A simpler definition of character is doing what you say you are going to do. This applies to commitments made to oneself (like losing weight or planning daily) as well as commitments made to others. Consistency in action builds integrity and self-trust.

Stimulating commitment. To build the character needed to close the Three Gaps, consider a three-step process:

1. Write down the concepts that resonated with you.
2. Reflect on those concepts for 36 hours.
3. Teach those concepts to someone else within the next 48 hours. This act of teaching reinforces your own understanding and commitment.

11. Wisdom: Knowledge Rightly Applied

I learned long ago that an excellent definition of the term wisdom is “knowledge rightly applied.”

Knowledge is potential. Reading this book provides knowledge about the Three Gaps and methodologies for closing them. However, knowledge alone is not enough. It is merely the potential for change and improvement.

Application is key. Wisdom is the active application of that knowledge in your life. It's not just knowing about the Beliefs Gap, Values Gap, and Time Gap, but actively using the tools provided to identify and close them in your own experience. This requires character and discipline.

Start your journey. The challenge now is to move from gaining knowledge to applying it. Commit to the process of examining your beliefs, clarifying your values, and planning your time. By consistently applying this knowledge, you gain wisdom, close your gaps, find inner peace, and increase your capacity to make a difference in the world.

Last updated: May 1, 2025