The Anxious Achiever

1. Anxiety is a common experience that can be harnessed as a leadership superpower

"When channeled thoughtfully, anxiety can motivate us to be more conscientious, more aware of interpersonal dynamics, and more attentive to detail, as well as to produce results more quickly."

Anxiety is ubiquitous. An estimated 284 million people worldwide suffer from anxiety, making it the most common mental health ailment. For leaders, anxiety often comes with the job due to heightened pressures and responsibilities. However, anxiety isn't always detrimental.

Anxiety can be an asset. When managed effectively, anxiety can enhance leadership by:

• Improving forward planning and anticipation of challenges
• Increasing empathy and attunement to interpersonal dynamics
• Driving conscientious attention to detail
• Motivating thorough preparation and hard work

The key is to learn how to harness anxiety's positive aspects while mitigating its negative effects. This involves developing self-awareness, coping strategies, and reframing anxiety as a potential source of strength rather than weakness.

2. Understanding your anxiety triggers and reactions is crucial for effective leadership

"When you can identify your triggers, you can set limits. 'The notion of a limit is like the line that you want to try to observe, being careful not to cross,' Harley says. 'It's what you are or aren't willing to do, or what you are or aren't willing to tolerate.'"

Self-awareness is key. Identifying your anxiety triggers and typical reactions is the first step in managing anxiety effectively. This involves:

• Recognizing physical "tells" of anxiety (e.g., tense shoulders, racing heart)
• Identifying situations that consistently provoke anxiety
• Understanding your default coping mechanisms, both helpful and unhelpful

Set boundaries and limits. Once you're aware of your triggers, you can:

• Establish clear boundaries to protect your mental health
• Communicate these boundaries to colleagues and team members
• Implement strategies to manage anxiety-provoking situations proactively

Developing this self-knowledge allows leaders to respond thoughtfully to anxiety rather than reacting automatically, leading to better decision-making and more effective leadership.

3. Childhood experiences shape adult anxiety and leadership styles

"We are all products of our past circumstances and the complex set of influences that shape us, so at least some of our experiences and influences are bound to have an effect on our leadership."

Early experiences matter. Childhood events, particularly adverse childhood experiences (ACEs), can significantly impact adult anxiety and leadership styles. This includes:

• Abuse, neglect, or household dysfunction
• Overprotective or highly critical parenting
• Experiences of systemic racism or oppression

Leadership patterns often reflect childhood roles. Many leaders unconsciously recreate familiar dynamics from their families of origin in their professional lives. For example:

• Taking on an overfunctioning role to manage anxiety
• Avoiding conflict due to past experiences of instability
• Striving for perfection to gain approval or avoid criticism

Understanding these patterns allows leaders to:

• Recognize when they're acting out old scripts
• Develop more intentional, effective leadership behaviors
• Break free from limiting beliefs and behaviors rooted in the past

4. Negative self-talk and thought traps can undermine leadership effectiveness

"Negative self-talk sparked a spiral of anxiety and self-loathing that left me feeling bad for days and triggered all kinds of unhealthy behaviors, from exercising to the point of injury, to both binging and severely restricting my food intake—all while I was barely aware that this critical voice existed."

Recognize common thought traps. Anxious leaders often fall into cognitive distortions such as:

• All-or-nothing thinking
• Catastrophizing
• Mind reading
• Overgeneralization

These thought patterns can lead to:

• Impaired decision-making
• Decreased confidence
• Avoidance of important tasks or opportunities

Challenge and reframe negative self-talk. Effective strategies include:

• Identifying the source of critical inner voices
• Practicing self-compassion
• Using cognitive behavioral techniques to challenge distorted thoughts
• Seeking external perspectives to gain a more balanced view

By addressing negative self-talk and thought traps, leaders can improve their mental well-being and leadership effectiveness.

5. Perfectionism and the need for control often mask underlying anxieties

"Perfectionism is a symptom of something," Greenspon told me. "It's not the disease." At its core, perfectionism is about anxiety: you're afraid of failing or afraid that making a mistake means that there's something wrong with you.

Perfectionism has roots in anxiety. It often stems from:

• Fear of failure or judgment
• Deep-seated feelings of inadequacy
• Childhood experiences of conditional love or approval

While perfectionism can drive achievement, it also leads to:

• Chronic stress and burnout
• Difficulty delegating or trusting others
• Impaired creativity and risk-taking

The illusion of control. Anxious leaders often seek control as a way to manage uncertainty and fear. This can manifest as:

• Micromanaging
• Difficulty with delegation
• Resistance to change or new ideas

To overcome perfectionism and excessive need for control:

• Practice self-compassion and acceptance of imperfection
• Set realistic standards and "good enough" goals
• Develop trust in team members through gradual delegation
• Focus on what can be controlled and accept uncertainty

6. Feedback, criticism, and impostor syndrome are common challenges for anxious leaders

"Despite their earned degrees, scholastic honors, high achievement on standardized tests, praise and professional recognition from colleagues and respected authorities, these women do not experience an internal sense of success," the researchers observed. "[They] maintain a strong belief that they are not intelligent; in fact, they are convinced that they have fooled anyone who thinks otherwise."

Feedback anxiety is common. Many leaders struggle with:

• Fear of criticism or negative feedback
• Difficulty internalizing positive feedback
• Impostor syndrome, feeling like a fraud despite achievements

These challenges can lead to:

• Avoidance of feedback opportunities
• Overwork to compensate for perceived inadequacies
• Missed opportunities for growth and advancement

Strategies for managing feedback anxiety:

• Reframe feedback as valuable information for growth
• Practice receiving feedback in low-stakes situations
• Develop a "growth mindset" that views challenges as opportunities
• Keep an "achievement log" to combat impostor feelings
• Seek regular, constructive feedback to desensitize anxiety

By addressing these challenges, leaders can become more receptive to feedback and confident in their abilities.

7. Social anxiety can be managed and even leveraged in leadership roles

"Being unapologetically myself and walking into a room and just being me at all times—that is so freeing," he said. "You're just yourself. And you learn to love yourself more."

Social anxiety is common among leaders. It can manifest as:

• Fear of public speaking or networking events
• Difficulty with small talk or informal interactions
• Avoidance of social situations or leadership opportunities

However, socially anxious leaders often possess valuable traits:

• Heightened empathy and interpersonal awareness
• Strong listening skills
• Conscientious attention to detail

Strategies for managing social anxiety:

• Practice exposure therapy by gradually facing feared situations
• Develop specific skills like public speaking or networking techniques
• Focus on others to reduce self-consciousness
• Use mindfulness techniques to manage anxiety in the moment
• Embrace authenticity rather than trying to be someone you're not

By managing social anxiety effectively, leaders can leverage their unique strengths while overcoming limitations.

8. Mindfulness and self-compassion are powerful tools for managing anxiety

"Mindfulness isn't difficult," meditation expert Sharon Salzberg famously observed. "We just need to remember to do it."

Mindfulness benefits leaders. Regular mindfulness practice can:

• Reduce stress and anxiety
• Improve focus and decision-making
• Enhance emotional regulation
• Increase resilience and overall well-being

Self-compassion counteracts anxiety. Practicing self-compassion involves:

• Treating oneself with kindness, especially during difficult times
• Recognizing shared human experiences of struggle
• Maintaining a balanced perspective on challenges

Techniques for incorporating mindfulness and self-compassion:

• Daily meditation or mindfulness exercises
• Self-compassion breaks during stressful moments
• Loving-kindness meditation to cultivate compassion for self and others
• Body scans to increase awareness of physical anxiety symptoms

By developing these practices, leaders can better manage anxiety and lead with greater clarity and compassion.

9. Effective leadership requires balancing vulnerability and strength

"Most leaders today tend to emphasize their strength, competence, and credentials in the workplace, but that is exactly the wrong approach," she writes. "Leaders who project strength before establishing trust run the risk of eliciting fear, and along with it a host of dysfunctional behaviors."

Vulnerability builds trust. Leaders who share their struggles:

• Create psychological safety for team members
• Foster open communication and problem-solving
• Model authenticity and resilience

Balancing vulnerability and strength:

• Share challenges appropriately without oversharing
• Demonstrate competence while acknowledging areas for growth
• Seek support when needed while maintaining leadership presence

Examples of effective vulnerability in leadership:

• Discussing personal experiences with mental health challenges
• Admitting mistakes and sharing lessons learned
• Asking for help or input from team members

By striking this balance, leaders create environments where team members feel safe to take risks, innovate, and grow.

10. Finding joy and purpose is essential for overcoming anxiety and becoming a resilient leader

"When I'm happy, I can deliver 150 percent," she says. "When I'm really sad and depressed, I can deliver 70 percent."

Joy fuels leadership. Leaders who cultivate joy:

• Inspire and motivate their teams more effectively
• Demonstrate greater resilience in the face of challenges
• Access deeper wells of creativity and innovation

Strategies for finding joy and purpose:

• Connect with personal values and "onlyness"
• Focus on meaningful work and contributions
• Cultivate gratitude and positive experiences
• Engage in activities that bring genuine pleasure
• Seek support during difficult times

Resilience through adversity. Overcoming anxiety and depression can lead to:

• Increased empathy and understanding for others
• Greater ability to navigate complex emotions
• Enhanced problem-solving skills in challenging situations

By prioritizing joy and purpose, leaders not only improve their own well-being but also create more positive, productive work environments for their teams.

Last updated: August 11, 2024