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The Five Invitations

The Five Invitations

Discovering What Death Can Teach Us About Living Fully
by Frank Ostaseski 2017 304 pages
4.47
3k+ ratings
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Key Takeaways

1. Embrace impermanence and the inevitability of death

Life and death are a package deal. You cannot pull them apart.

Death as a teacher: Reflecting on death can profoundly impact how we live, helping us distinguish between tendencies that lead to wholeness and those that incline us toward suffering. By maintaining an awareness of death, we gain perspective, appreciate life's preciousness, and are motivated to live fully and purposefully.

Impermanence as reality: Everything in life is constantly changing and impermanent. This applies to:

  • Our thoughts, emotions, and bodily sensations
  • Our relationships and material possessions
  • Our identities and sense of self

Recognizing impermanence can lead to:

  • Greater appreciation for present moments
  • Reduced attachment to outcomes
  • Increased flexibility and resilience in facing life's challenges

2. Welcome everything, push away nothing

To welcome everything and push away nothing is an invitation to discover a deeper dimension of our humanity, to tap into something beyond our habitual selves.

Openness to experience: This principle encourages us to embrace all aspects of life, including difficult emotions, challenging situations, and unwanted experiences. By accepting rather than resisting what is, we can:

  • Reduce unnecessary suffering
  • Gain valuable insights and personal growth
  • Develop greater emotional resilience

Practical application:

  • Pause and breathe when facing challenging situations
  • Observe thoughts and emotions without judgment
  • Practice curiosity towards uncomfortable experiences
  • Cultivate gratitude for both positive and negative aspects of life

3. Bring your whole self to every experience

To be whole, we need to include, accept, and connect all parts of ourselves. We need acceptance of our conflicting qualities and the seeming incongruity of our inner and outer worlds.

Embracing authenticity: This principle encourages us to show up fully in life, without hiding or suppressing parts of ourselves. By bringing our whole selves to experiences, we can:

  • Foster deeper connections with others
  • Access greater wisdom and creativity
  • Live with more integrity and fulfillment

Overcoming the inner critic:

  • Recognize the origins of self-judgment
  • Practice self-compassion and acceptance
  • Cultivate awareness of inner dialogues
  • Challenge limiting beliefs and negative self-talk

4. Find rest in the midst of chaos

We often think of rest as something that will come to us when everything else in our lives is complete: at the end of the day, when we take a bath; once we go on holiday or get through all our to-do lists. We imagine that we can only find rest by changing our circumstances.

Rest as a practice: This principle teaches that we can find moments of rest and peace even in the midst of challenging circumstances. By cultivating this skill, we can:

  • Reduce stress and burnout
  • Improve mental clarity and decision-making
  • Enhance overall well-being and resilience

Techniques for finding rest:

  • Mindful breathing exercises
  • Brief moments of meditation throughout the day
  • Focusing on the present moment
  • Creating mental "pauses" between activities
  • Practicing gratitude and appreciation

5. Cultivate a "don't know" mindset

Don't know mind is an invitation to enter life with fresh eyes, to empty our minds and open our hearts.

Embracing uncertainty: This principle encourages us to approach life with curiosity and openness, rather than relying solely on preconceived notions or past experiences. By cultivating a "don't know" mindset, we can:

  • Enhance creativity and problem-solving abilities
  • Remain open to new possibilities and perspectives
  • Reduce judgment and increase empathy

Practical applications:

  • Practice beginner's mind in familiar situations
  • Ask questions instead of making assumptions
  • Embrace ambiguity and uncertainty
  • Let go of the need to always be right or in control
  • Approach challenges with curiosity rather than fear

6. Transform suffering through compassion and presence

Love and death are the great gifts that are given to us; mostly, they are passed on unopened.

Compassionate presence: This principle teaches that by bringing compassionate awareness to our own suffering and that of others, we can transform pain into growth and connection. By cultivating compassion and presence, we can:

  • Alleviate our own and others' suffering
  • Deepen our sense of connection and belonging
  • Find meaning and purpose in challenging experiences

Practices for cultivating compassion:

  • Loving-kindness meditation
  • Active listening and empathy exercises
  • Volunteering or engaging in acts of service
  • Self-compassion practices
  • Mindful awareness of shared human experiences

7. Discover the sacred in the ordinary

To know the sacred is not to see new things, but rather to see things in a new way. The sacred is not separate or different from all things; it is hidden in all things.

Everyday sacredness: This principle encourages us to recognize the profound beauty and interconnectedness present in everyday experiences. By cultivating an awareness of the sacred in the ordinary, we can:

  • Enhance our sense of wonder and appreciation for life
  • Deepen our spiritual connection to the world around us
  • Find greater meaning and purpose in daily activities

Practices for discovering the sacred:

  • Mindful attention to everyday tasks and experiences
  • Cultivating gratitude for simple pleasures
  • Recognizing the interconnectedness of all things
  • Engaging in rituals or practices that bring meaning to daily life
  • Seeking moments of awe and wonder in nature or human connection

Last updated:

FAQ

What's The Five Invitations about?

  • Exploring death's lessons: The Five Invitations by Frank Ostaseski explores how the awareness of death can enhance our experience of life. It presents death as a teacher rather than just an end.
  • Five key invitations: The book introduces five guiding principles for living fully: Don’t wait, welcome everything, push away nothing, bring your whole self to the experience, and cultivate don’t-know mind.
  • Transformative power of love: Love is a central theme, illustrating its ability to heal and connect us, even amidst suffering and death.

Why should I read The Five Invitations?

  • Personal growth and reflection: The book encourages readers to reflect on their lives and relationships, offering wisdom that can lead to personal transformation.
  • Facing mortality: It demystifies death, promoting openness rather than fear, which can lead to a more meaningful life.
  • Practical guidance: Provides actionable advice on living with intention and authenticity, relevant for improving life quality and relationships.

What are the key takeaways of The Five Invitations?

  • Embrace impermanence: Recognizing life's impermanence helps us appreciate each moment, encouraging urgency and purpose.
  • Cultivate compassion: Emphasizes compassion for ourselves and others, fostering deeper connections and understanding.
  • Authenticity matters: Bringing our whole selves, including vulnerabilities, allows for genuine connections and personal fulfillment.

What are the Five Invitations in The Five Invitations?

  • Don’t wait: Encourages acting on what matters without delay, emphasizing life's fleeting nature.
  • Welcome everything, push away nothing: Teaches acceptance of all experiences, promoting learning and growth.
  • Bring your whole self: Urges embracing all aspects of oneself, fostering deeper connections and authenticity.
  • Find a place of rest: Suggests cultivating inner peace amidst chaos, aiding in navigating challenges.
  • Cultivate don’t-know mind: Promotes openness to uncertainty, encouraging curiosity and flexibility.

How does Frank Ostaseski define "welcome everything, push away nothing"?

  • Acceptance of all experiences: Emphasizes accepting both positive and negative experiences to learn and grow.
  • Avoiding resistance: Resisting difficult emotions increases suffering; embracing challenges fosters resilience.
  • Creating space for healing: Welcoming experiences creates space for healing and understanding, fostering compassion.

How does The Five Invitations address the concept of love?

  • Love as a healing force: Illustrates love's power to heal and connect, even in the face of death.
  • Love and vulnerability: True love requires vulnerability and authenticity, deepening relationships.
  • Universal love: Encourages cultivating love that extends beyond personal relationships, leading to a fulfilling life.

What are the best quotes from The Five Invitations and what do they mean?

  • “Don’t wait.” Reminds readers to prioritize values and relationships, acting on what matters most.
  • “Welcome everything, push away nothing.” Encapsulates the message of acceptance and openness to all experiences.
  • “Whatever we have done with our lives makes us what we are when we die.” Highlights the importance of living authentically and with intention.

How does The Five Invitations suggest we deal with suffering?

  • Turn toward suffering: Encourages facing suffering rather than avoiding it, allowing for learning and healing.
  • Cultivate compassion: Emphasizes compassion for ourselves and others during suffering, fostering deeper connections.
  • Use suffering as a teacher: Suggests reflecting on suffering to gain insight and personal growth.

What role does mindfulness play in The Five Invitations?

  • Awareness of the present moment: Encourages being present and aware, leading to greater appreciation and understanding.
  • Cultivating acceptance: Mindfulness helps accept thoughts and feelings without judgment, fostering peace.
  • Enhancing compassion: Deepens compassion for ourselves and others, allowing for authentic connections.

How does The Five Invitations address grief and loss?

  • Understanding grief as a process: Presents grief as a journey, encouraging full emotional expression.
  • Transformative potential of grief: Highlights how grief can lead to personal transformation and deeper connections.
  • Practical advice for navigating loss: Offers insights and exercises to cope with grief, emphasizing community support.

What is the significance of "don’t know mind" in The Five Invitations?

  • Embracing uncertainty: Represents openness and curiosity, letting go of the need for certainty.
  • Cultivating presence: Encourages being fully present, fostering deeper connections and understanding.
  • Pathway to wisdom: Allows insights to emerge naturally, free from rigid thinking.

How can I apply the teachings of The Five Invitations in my life?

  • Practice mindfulness: Incorporate mindfulness to appreciate everyday moments and foster connections.
  • Embrace vulnerability: Be open and authentic in relationships for meaningful interactions.
  • Reflect on impermanence: Contemplate life's transient nature to approach challenges with acceptance and resilience.

Review Summary

4.47 out of 5
Average of 3k+ ratings from Goodreads and Amazon.

The Five Invitations receives predominantly positive reviews, praised for its insightful teachings on death, life, and mindfulness. Readers appreciate Ostaseski's wisdom, drawn from his extensive hospice experience. Many find the book transformative, offering valuable perspectives on living fully and approaching death with compassion. Some criticize its repetitiveness and loose structure, while others struggle with its Buddhist influences. Overall, reviewers recommend it as a powerful, thought-provoking read that challenges societal taboos around death and encourages readers to embrace life's impermanence.

Your rating:

About the Author

Frank Ostaseski is a Buddhist teacher and pioneer in end-of-life care. He co-founded the first Buddhist hospice in America, the Zen Hospice Project, and later established the Metta Institute. With decades of experience working with the dying, Ostaseski has become a leading voice in contemplative end-of-life care. He has trained healthcare professionals and caregivers, emphasizing compassion and mindfulness in approaching death. Ostaseski's teachings blend Buddhist principles with practical insights gained from his hospice work. His approach focuses on using the lessons learned from death to inform how we live our lives fully and authentically.

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