The Happy Me Project

1. Rewire Your Brain for Happiness

There is a huge chunk of your happiness that you are in control of and that is where your focus should go.

Understanding the brain. The brain filters billions of bits of data per second, using the reticular activating system (RAS) to prioritize information based on existing beliefs and focus. This confirmation bias means that if you believe the world is negative, your brain will seek out evidence to support that view, and vice versa.

Take control of your mind. You can actively train your brain to focus on the positive by consciously choosing what you expose it to. This involves being mindful of your thoughts, challenging negative self-talk, and actively seeking out beauty and joy in your surroundings.

Actionable steps. Start by keeping a thought diary to identify recurring negative patterns. Then, challenge those thoughts and replace them with positive affirmations. Regularly seek out small moments of joy, like noticing beautiful things around you, to reinforce a positive mindset.

2. Subconscious Beliefs Shape Your Reality

Never let an old story hold you back from a new life.

Limiting beliefs defined. Limiting beliefs are subconscious assumptions that restrict your potential and prevent you from achieving your goals. These beliefs often stem from past experiences or societal conditioning and can manifest as self-sabotaging behaviors.

Conscious vs. subconscious. While your conscious mind may set goals and desires, your subconscious mind holds the power to either support or undermine those efforts. If your subconscious harbors limiting beliefs, it can create internal conflict and hinder your progress.

Overcoming limiting beliefs. Identify the sticky areas in your life and write down the beliefs you have about them. Challenge these beliefs by finding contradictory evidence and creating powerful affirmations to replace them. Explore the origins of these beliefs to minimize their impact and laugh at their absurdity to diminish their power.

3. Moaning Breeds Inaction; Gratitude Fuels Joy

Moaning doesn’t solve problems, it just creates them.

The trap of complaining. While occasional venting can alleviate stress and foster bonding, chronic complaining can negatively impact your mental and physical health. It trains your brain to perceive the world as miserable, releasing stress hormones and weakening your immune system.

The power of gratitude. Gratitude shifts your focus from what's lacking to what's present, changing your brain's algorithm to seek out more positive experiences. It can also increase productivity, improve health, and foster a sense of connection.

Actionable steps. Get curious about why you're moaning so much and address the underlying issues. Notice your triggers and find alternative ways to respond. Write out your complaints and then discard them. Give yourself a moaning allowance and then stop. Take action to resolve the real problems.

4. Embrace Change and the Power of Small Tweaks

Don’t underestimate the power of the tweak. A little change can make all the difference.

Breaking free from ruts. Feeling stuck in a routine can lead to boredom, sadness, and a lack of energy. To combat this, it's essential to introduce variety and new experiences into your life.

The power of tweaks. Mixing things up doesn't require a complete life overhaul. Small, consistent changes can have a significant impact on your overall well-being. These tweaks can be as simple as rearranging your furniture, trying a new recipe, or exploring a different part of your city.

Actionable steps. Shift your scenery by traveling, exploring your local area, or simply moving to a different room. Boost your confidence by trying something new, like a class or webinar. Write a bucket list of inspiring activities and start ticking them off.

5. Busyness is a Fear; Downtime is Essential

Busy is not an achievement, it’s the state of being preoccupied and scared.

The glorification of busy. In today's society, busyness is often celebrated as a status symbol and a mark of success. However, mindless busyness can lead to burnout, stress, and a disconnection from the present moment.

The fear behind busyness. Being constantly busy can be a way to avoid facing emotions, dealing with problems, or confronting feelings of inadequacy. It's a distraction technique that prevents you from truly connecting with yourself and your needs.

Actionable steps. Prioritize your values and focus on activities that align with them. Schedule downtime into your day and treat it as a non-negotiable appointment. Stop telling everyone you're busy and instead respond with intention. Delegate tasks and remind yourself that you are amazing regardless of how packed your day is.

6. You Are Your Own Savior: Embrace Responsibility

It’s no one else’s job to make you happy and you don’t need them to.

The myth of external salvation. It's tempting to believe that someone else will come along and fix your problems or make you happy. However, true fulfillment comes from taking personal responsibility for your own well-being.

The importance of personal responsibility. Relying on others for your happiness can lead to disappointment and resentment. Instead, focus on cultivating your own self-worth, self-validation, and emotional resilience.

Actionable steps. Check yourself for emotional neediness and expectations of others. Get comfortable with being alone and enjoying your own company. Stop blaming and complaining and start taking action to create change. Remind yourself that you don't need permission to live a life you love and commit to owning your decisions.

7. Set "Big Fat" Goals, Guided by Hustle and Heart

Setting wildly “unrealistic” goals can be exciting and brave.

Beyond SMART goals. While SMART goals (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Time-bound) can be helpful, they can also feel boring and restrictive. To truly achieve your dreams, it's essential to combine SMART goals with "hustle and heart."

The power of "hustle and heart." "Hustle" represents the drive and determination to take action, even when you don't feel like it. "Heart" allows you to trust your intuition, adapt to changing circumstances, and embrace unexpected detours.

Actionable steps. Create a list of all the things you'd like to achieve, both big and small. Sort them into categories based on their timeline and relevance. Tell other people about your goals to hold yourself accountable. Think about your goals, but don't obsess over them.

8. Silence Your Inner Bully and Champion Yourself

Your inner critic is not your conscience. Take action and prove this negative voice wrong.

The inner critic defined. The inner critic is a negative, judgmental voice in your head that points out your flaws and undermines your confidence. It's not your conscience, but rather an unnecessary and overly harsh critic.

Challenging the inner critic. To silence your inner bully, you must confront it and challenge its negative statements. This involves identifying the source of the voice, questioning its validity, and replacing it with kinder, more productive thoughts.

Actionable steps. Notice the words and put-downs used by your inner critic and explore their origins. Challenge the voice by asking yourself if its statements are true, helpful, and your own. Fight back by creating a list of counterarguments and taking action to prove the negative voice wrong.

9. Own Your Weirdness and Ditch the Comparison Game

Being your truest and realest self is the most liberating thing you can do.

The pressure to conform. In a world that's increasingly interconnected, it's easy to feel pressure to conform to societal norms and expectations. However, true fulfillment comes from embracing your unique qualities and expressing your authentic self.

The beauty of weirdness. What makes you different is what makes you special. Instead of trying to fit in, celebrate your quirks, eccentricities, and passions. These traits are your superpowers and can help you connect with others who appreciate you for who you are.

Actionable steps. Identify what sets you apart and embrace your unique qualities. Connect with people who share similar interests and create a supportive community. Stop telling yourself you're not good enough and start owning your weirdness.

10. Boundaries are Key: Say "No" to Say "Yes" to You

Say “no” to the things you don’t want, so you can say “yes” to the things you do.

The people-pleasing trap. Saying "yes" when you mean "no" can lead to burnout, resentment, and a feeling of being taken advantage of. It's essential to prioritize your own needs and set healthy boundaries.

The power of "no." Saying "no" allows you to create space for the things that truly matter to you. It empowers you to protect your time, energy, and emotional well-being.

Actionable steps. Ask yourself honestly if you want to do something before agreeing to it. Say "I am enough. I am valuable. My opinions matter" to yourself on loop. Stand tall and be clear, direct, and honest when saying "no." Flex your "no" muscle by practicing saying "no" to small requests.

11. Forgiveness Sets You Free: Let Go of the Old Story

You are not what has happened to you, you are so much more.

The burden of resentment. Holding onto resentment and anger can keep you stuck in the past and prevent you from moving forward. Forgiveness, on the other hand, is a gift you give yourself.

Forgiveness is not condoning. Forgiving someone doesn't mean condoning their actions or forgetting what happened. It simply means releasing the negative emotions that are holding you back.

Actionable steps. Notice how you talk about your difficult times and find a way to frame them so they're easier to say and move forward from. Draw a line under the crisis and commit to moving forward. Remind yourself that you don't lose the lessons when you stop giving the trauma all the space in your life.

12. Death is Inevitable: Live Authentically Now

The world needs you. In your own personal part of the planet, you add value and make the world a better place.

Facing mortality. Acknowledging the inevitability of death can be a powerful motivator for living a more purposeful and authentic life. It encourages you to prioritize what truly matters and to let go of trivial concerns.

Living with intention. By considering your legacy and what you want to be remembered for, you can gain clarity about your values and goals. This can help you make choices that align with your true self and create a life that is meaningful and fulfilling.

Actionable steps. Imagine a life without limits or barriers and where money is no object. Write out 30 of the most important ‘values’ to you. Make a ‘vision board’ (some people call these ‘dream boards’).

Last updated: February 17, 2025