The Joy of Missing Out

1. The Art of Self-Restraint: A Necessity in the Age of Excess

"Because you're worth it", proclaims the classic cosmetics ad. "Just do it!" implores the world-famous sporting goods company. At every turn, we are spurred on to experience as much as possible, for as long as possible, in as many contexts as possible.

Our culture of excess has cultivated the idea of "as much as possible, as quickly as possible." We live in a society that constantly bombards us with invitations to do, think, experience, buy, and consume more. This cultural landscape, based on invitations, temptations, choices, and special offers, has created a species ill-equipped to practice the art of self-restraint, of saying no and opting out.

The consequences are dire. Our lives have long been based on overconsumption, untrammelled growth, and whittling away at our natural resources. Climate change, global inequality, and various societal crises are the result of this inability to make do with less. Learning the art of self-restraint has become a necessity, not just for individuals, but for the collective well-being of society and the planet.

2. Political Imperative: Sustainability and Equality Through Moderation

If we want life to be sustainable for the maximum possible number of people – ideally, for all of us – then we need to learn the art of self-restraint, especially here in the richest part of the world.

Sustainability requires moderation. The planet has limited resources, yet its population continues to grow. Recent decades have seen an upsurge in inequality in many countries. To address these challenges, we must collectively learn to make do with less, particularly in the wealthiest parts of the world.

Equality benefits everyone. Studies have shown that greater economic equality is associated with:

• Less disease and crime
• More social mobility and innovation
• Longer, healthier lives for all social groups, including the most affluent

A sustainable society, including in terms of economic equality, is one in which all social groups feel they are doing well. This doesn't mean everyone should own and consume exactly the same amounts, but it does suggest that growing inequality needs to be taken seriously as a causal factor behind several societal problems.

3. Existential Depth: Willing One Thing and Finding Meaning

"Purity of heart is to will one thing." - Søren Kierkegaard

Kierkegaard's insight reveals that opting out and maintaining focus are essential for living a meaningful life. To will one thing means to will the good – not in pursuit of a reward or fear of punishment – but precisely because it is good. This requires us to escape the prison of subjectivity and egotism, opening ourselves up to something greater.

The myth of human potential haunts modern life, pushing us to constantly strive for more. However, the non-lived life – the life that we live in our imaginations, in art, and in our dreams – is often more important to us than the one we actually live. We are formed by what we miss out on, not just by the things we do. Only by committing to something specific and missing out on other possibilities does life achieve the form that is existentially crucial.

4. Ethical Potential: Moderation as a Virtue for the Good Life

Moderation (sophrosyne in Greek) was often heralded as one of the cardinal virtues – in other words, a necessary component of any kind of ethical activity.

The ethics of virtue, as proposed by Aristotle, posits that virtues are character traits necessary to make the most of human nature and thrive in life. Moderation is a key virtue, ideally positioned between two polar opposites. For example:

• Courage: between cowardice and recklessness
• Generosity: between stinginess and boundless giving

Moderation in character is crucial for ethics. It implies the ability to say no to your own impulses and resist temptation. Character involves:

1. The ability to control impulses
2. Self-constancy: maintaining a consistent identity over time

Both aspects require a willingness to miss out on fleeting pleasures or constantly changing identities. This self-restraint is essential for living an ethical life based on obligations, which necessarily involves loyalty, trust, and self-sacrifice.

5. Psychological Benefits: Overcoming the Hedonic Treadmill

The 'hedonic treadmill' suggests that positive experiences only produce temporary happiness, and that the only way to continue to enjoy highpoints is to keep pounding along on the treadmill.

Hedonic adaptation is the tendency for our level of desire or happiness to return to a baseline after a change, whether positive or negative. This psychological phenomenon explains why:

• Lottery winners achieve only minimal gains in long-term happiness
• Wealth increases don't necessarily lead to lasting increases in subjective well-being

Escaping the treadmill requires a change in perspective. The Stoic philosophy offers an alternative approach:

• Focus on negative visualization (imagine losing what you have) rather than positive thinking
• Recognize life's inevitable limitations
• Cultivate gratitude for what you already have

By embracing these principles, we can break the cycle of constantly craving more and find contentment in the present moment.

6. Aesthetic Quality: The Beauty of Simplicity and Focus

A haiku of seventeen syllables, which follows a strict template, can be just as moving as any long poem with a challenging syntax.

Simplicity in art and life often leads to greater beauty and effectiveness. This principle applies across various domains:

• Art: A simple melody can be as moving as a complex composition
• Science: The most elegant theories are often the simplest (e.g., the DNA helix)
• Communication: Conveying difficult material simply and precisely is an art

The aesthetics of existence, as proposed by Michel Foucault, invites us to consider life as a work of art. This approach combines:

• The true
• The beautiful
• The good

By viewing life through this aesthetic lens, we can bring form and meaning to our existence. Just as an artist must restrict themselves to create beauty, we must learn to focus and miss out on the non-essential to craft a beautiful life.

7. Cultivating JOMO: Practical Steps to Embrace Missing Out

We should not be afraid to miss out – rather, we should take pleasure in the simplicity and focus of a good human life.

JOMO (Joy of Missing Out) is the antidote to FOMO (Fear of Missing Out). Embracing JOMO involves:

1. Deciding when to make a choice (don't make everything a decision)
2. Rejecting the idea that "only the best is good enough"
3. Making decisions irreversible when appropriate
4. Practicing gratitude
5. Expecting to be hooked by the hedonic treadmill
6. Resisting the urge to compare yourself to others
7. Learning to live with limitations

Creating an aesthetic cultural landscape through rituals can support the practice of JOMO. Rituals:

• Provide regulations for social relations
• Sustain society and give it form
• Help people understand their community

By cultivating a landscape that makes it easier to focus on what matters and miss out on what is unimportant, we can find joy in a simpler, more focused life. This approach not only benefits individuals but contributes to a more sustainable and ethical society.

Last updated: October 26, 2024