The Responsibility Process

1. The Responsibility Process: A Mental Framework for Growth

The Responsibility Process shows us that we are far more powerful and able than we usually give ourselves credit for.

The Responsibility Process is a mental pattern that reveals how our minds process thoughts about taking or avoiding responsibility when things go wrong. It consists of six stages: Lay Blame, Justify, Shame, Obligation, Quit, and Responsibility. The first five stages are coping mechanisms where we avoid taking responsibility, while the final stage, Responsibility, is where we grow and overcome problems.

Understanding this process allows us to:

• Recognize our natural tendencies to avoid responsibility
• Move through the stages more quickly
• Reach the Responsibility stage where we can effectively solve problems

By practicing awareness of these mental states, we can develop a more resourceful mindset and approach challenges with greater freedom, power, and choice.

2. Responsibility vs. Accountability: Understanding the Difference

Responsibility always trumps accountability.

Responsibility is internal, focusing on our feelings of ownership and willingness to take effective action. It's about how we respond to situations and our ability to create, choose, and attract our reality. Accountability, on the other hand, is external, dealing with performance expectations and agreements set by others.

Key distinctions:

• Responsibility is self-oriented; accountability is other-oriented
• Responsibility focuses on the present; accountability often looks to the past
• Responsibility is subjective and transient; accountability is more objective and constant

Understanding this difference allows leaders to foster a culture of responsibility rather than relying solely on accountability measures. By emphasizing responsibility, organizations can achieve higher levels of engagement, performance, and innovation.

3. Intention, Awareness, and Confront: The Three Keys to Responsibility

Intention, Awareness, and Confront will be discussed again throughout the remaining chapters of this book.

The Three Keys to Responsibility are essential tools for unlocking and accessing The Responsibility Process:

1. Intention: The commitment to operate from Responsibility when things go wrong.
2. Awareness: The ability to recognize your mental state within The Responsibility Process.
3. Confront: The willingness to face your internal conflict directly.

These keys work together to help you:

• Move through The Responsibility Process more effectively
• Develop greater self-leadership skills
• Increase your ability to solve problems and achieve your goals

By practicing these keys, you can build your mental "responsibility muscle" and become more effective in all areas of life.

4. The Catch Sooner Game: A Tool for Changing Habits

Catch Sooner is a gentle and effective approach to learning and unlearning, change, and growth.

The Catch Sooner Game is a four-step process for changing unwanted habits or behaviors:

1. Catch: Notice yourself engaging in the behavior you want to change.
2. Change: Demonstrate the desired behavior instead.
3. Forgive: Practice self-compassion for being human and not changing faster.
4. Vow: Commit to catching yourself sooner next time.

This game is effective because:

• It employs Intention, Awareness, and Confront in a humanizing way
• It breaks change into small, practical, immediate actions
• It makes habit change incremental, targeted, and adaptive

By playing the Catch Sooner Game, you can gradually modify your behavior and thought patterns, leading to lasting personal growth and development.

5. Leading Yourself First: Applying Responsibility to Daily Life

Every upset is an opportunity to learn.

Self-leadership is crucial for practicing responsibility effectively. This involves:

• Applying The Responsibility Process to yourself, not others
• Reframing upsets as learning opportunities
• Asking "What do I want?" instead of "What should I do?"
• Discovering and pursuing what you truly want in life
• Focusing on the essential and eliminating the nonessential
• Claiming wins to build the power of Intention

By leading yourself first, you develop the ability to:

• Make conscious choices aligned with your values
• Respond more effectively to challenges
• Create a life of greater freedom, power, and choice

This self-leadership forms the foundation for leading others and creating positive change in your relationships and organizations.

6. Shared Responsibility: Fostering Collaborative Leadership

Shared responsibility is shared leadership.

Shared responsibility occurs when people collaborate on projects or initiatives larger than any individual. Key aspects include:

• Alignment: Ensuring everyone is focused on a shared goal or purpose
• Integration: Operating with shared values, principles, and beliefs
• Positive interdependence: Creating a "we're in this together" mindset

To foster shared responsibility:

• Take 100% responsibility for every relationship
• Use your integrative power to attract others to a common purpose
• Play a "bigger game" that benefits all stakeholders
• Address problems between roles, teams, or departments

By promoting shared responsibility, leaders can create high-performing teams and organizations where leadership naturally emerges at all levels.

7. Developing Responsibility in Others: Teaching and Mentoring

The Responsibility Process works only when self-applied.

To develop responsibility in others, focus on:

1. Study: Commit to lifelong learning about The Responsibility Process
2. Demonstrate: Model responsible behavior in your own life
3. Ask: Invite others to practice responsibility with you
4. Teach: Share your knowledge and experiences with others

When teaching or coaching responsibility:

• Don't validate coping responses (don't go into agreement)
• Avoid the responsibility-for-advice transfer
• Encourage others to think for themselves

For parents, demonstrate your own humanity and practice of responsibility in front of your children. This allows them to learn by example rather than through lectures or forced obedience.

8. Creating an Organization of Choice: Leadership Through Responsibility

In the organization of choice, the culture focuses first on personal responsibility and then on role accountability.

To create an organization of choice:

1. Set the context for responsibility from the top
2. Prioritize personal responsibility over role accountability
3. Use the five-step culture-building bridge:
   • Am I operating from Responsibility?
   • Do I know what I want?
   • Have I asked for what I want?
   • Do I have agreement for what I asked for?
   • If 1-4 are "Yes," then call to account

By focusing on responsibility first, leaders can:

• Foster a culture of self-leadership and shared ownership
• Reduce the need for heavy-handed accountability measures
• Create a more engaged, productive, and innovative workforce

This approach leads to an organization where people experience personal freedom, choice, and power while producing results that matter.

Last updated: May 12, 2025