The Sound of Gravel

1. Ruthie's childhood in a polygamist colony: A world of poverty and religious extremism

I am my mother's fourth child and my father's thirty-ninth. I grew up in Colonia LeBaron, a small town in the Mexican countryside 200 miles south of El Paso, Texas.

A life of scarcity. Ruthie's upbringing in Colonia LeBaron was marked by extreme poverty and religious fervor. The community, founded by her grandfather Alma Dayer LeBaron after a divine vision, practiced fundamentalist Mormonism and polygamy. Families lived in simple adobe houses, often without basic amenities like electricity or running water.

Religious indoctrination. The colony's beliefs centered around preparing for the end times and living God's commandments, including plural marriage. Ruthie's father, Joel, was considered a prophet, and his teachings shaped every aspect of life in LeBaron. Children were raised to believe in the importance of large families and the superiority of their way of life over the "wicked" outside world.

2. The impact of family tragedy: Coping with loss and abuse in a closed community

"Ervil was arrested in Ensenada," Mom said. "He was found guilty at first, but then they let him go. The judge said that they didn't have enough evidence against him. Our people believe that Ervil bribed the judge, but no one knows what really happened."

A legacy of violence. Ruthie's family history was marred by tragedy, most notably the murder of her father Joel by his brother Ervil. This event set off a chain of violence and fear that would haunt the community for years to come. The lack of justice for Joel's murder left a deep wound in the family and community.

Ongoing threats. Even after Joel's death, the family lived under constant threat from Ervil and his followers. This atmosphere of fear and uncertainty permeated Ruthie's childhood, affecting her sense of safety and stability. The community's isolation made it difficult to seek help or protection from outside authorities.

3. Navigating a complex family dynamic: The challenges of polygamy and sisterhood

I knew I had half siblings all over the colony, but who they were had always been a mystery. Now, in school, it occurred to me that almost every child in LeBaron could be related to me.

Unconventional family structures. Ruthie grew up in a large, complex family network created by polygamy. Her father had multiple wives and dozens of children, creating a web of half-siblings and step-siblings that extended throughout the colony. This arrangement led to unique challenges in forming relationships and understanding family dynamics.

Sisterhood and rivalry. Despite the difficulties, Ruthie found companionship and support among her half-sisters and step-sisters. However, the polygamous structure also bred competition and jealousy among wives and children, as they vied for limited resources and attention from their shared husband/father.

4. The struggle for education and independence in a restrictive environment

Mom said she had suggested Susan marry Lane. Knowing that Lane would probably take another wife anyway, Mom decided it would be best to find a sister wife she liked.

Limited educational opportunities. Education in LeBaron was often secondary to religious instruction and preparation for marriage and childbearing. Ruthie and her siblings attended a small school within the colony, but their education was frequently interrupted by family moves and responsibilities at home.

Pressure to conform. From a young age, girls in the community were groomed for marriage and motherhood. Ruthie struggled with the expectation that she would follow in her mother's footsteps, marrying young and becoming part of a polygamous household. This conflict between personal aspirations and community expectations became a central theme in her coming-of-age story.

5. Confronting abuse and the failure of maternal protection

"Lane told us not to tell you because he said we would hurt your feelings, and we thought we'd get in trouble and he'd whip us with his belt." My stepsisters nodded in agreement.

Pattern of abuse. Ruthie and her step-sisters suffered sexual abuse at the hands of their stepfather, Lane. The closed nature of the community and the power dynamics within polygamous families made it difficult for the girls to speak out or seek help.

Maternal betrayal. When Ruthie finally found the courage to tell her mother about the abuse, she was met with disbelief and inaction. Her mother's decision to stay with Lane and prioritize the marriage over her children's safety was a profound betrayal that deeply affected Ruthie's trust and sense of security.

6. The weight of responsibility: Caring for siblings amidst family chaos

I didn't feel that same sense of hope when I saw Mom. She returned home just one day after the birth and, once again, had lost a lot of blood during the delivery. She was weak and felt terrible.

Becoming a caregiver. As one of the older children in a large family, Ruthie took on significant responsibilities from a young age. She cared for her younger siblings, including those with special needs, and helped manage the household during her mother's frequent pregnancies and absences.

Emotional toll. The burden of care placed on Ruthie robbed her of much of her childhood. She struggled with feelings of resentment, guilt, and overwhelm as she tried to balance her own needs and desires with the demands of her family. This responsibility shaped her character and her relationship with her siblings in profound ways.

7. Breaking free: The journey towards self-discovery and a life beyond the colony

I felt as if I'd entered some sort of backward universe. "Mom, he's lying. I never said I liked it." I wanted to jump into the front seat and choke the life out of him.

Questioning beliefs. As Ruthie grew older, she began to question the beliefs and practices of her community. Exposure to the outside world through occasional trips and media sparked a desire for a different life and challenged her indoctrination.

Path to independence. Ruthie's journey out of LeBaron was gradual and fraught with obstacles. She had to overcome limited education, financial dependence, and the emotional ties to her family and community. Her story is one of resilience and determination as she fought to create a life on her own terms, free from the constraints of her upbringing.

Last updated: January 22, 2025