The Storyteller

1. Music as the Language of Memory and Identity

Miraculously, my memory has remained relatively intact.

Life measured in music. The author's life is intrinsically linked to sound, with memories triggered by songs, albums, and bands rather than conventional time markers. This deep connection to music began in childhood, listening to radio and records, and evolved into a synesthetic experience where music is "seen" as shapes and colors.

An internal rhythm. Beyond just sound, music became an internal language, practiced silently with teeth or felt as an undeniable impulse to create. This personal "feel" for rhythm, unique to each musician, is seen as a divine, intangible gift, like a heartbeat, shaping their individual expression.

A genetic symphony. The author posits that musical abilities might be predetermined, residing in DNA, waiting for a spark. This idea is reinforced by witnessing his daughters' natural inclinations towards music, echoing his own early experiences and suggesting a deeper, inherited connection to sound and rhythm.

2. The Foundational Power of DIY Punk Ethos

THESE PEOPLE WERE DOING IT THEMSELVES, Tracey explained.

A radical awakening. Discovering the underground punk scene through his cousin Tracey revealed a world of music created outside the corporate mainstream. Homemade records, xeroxed covers, and self-booked shows demonstrated that music wasn't an unattainable act of wizardry but accessible with passion, a few chords, and a microphone.

Freedom and self-reliance. This ethos of doing it yourself became a guiding principle, fostering independence and a sense of accomplishment. From stuffing speaker cabinets with T-shirts to avoid taxes to building makeshift studios, the DIY approach provided survival skills and a deep appreciation for creating on one's own terms.

Community and authenticity. The punk scene offered a tribe for misfits, a place where individuality was celebrated, not ostracized. This network of like-minded individuals, driven by a heartfelt passion rather than professional aspirations, showed that music was about connection and purging one's inner voice, not rock stardom.

3. Resilience Forged Through Physical and Emotional Scars

YOU PICK YOURSELF UP OFF THE GROUND. YOU WALK HOME. THE SHOW MUST GO ON.

A history of physical resilience. From childhood accidents requiring numerous stitches to breaking a leg onstage, the author developed a remarkable ability to endure physical pain and bounce back quickly. This was often framed as a way to avoid emotional consequences or inconvenience his mother, embodying a "show must go on" mentality.

Emotional consequences feared more. While physical injury seemed less daunting, the fear of emotional pain, particularly disappointing loved ones or facing rejection, was more profound. This led to defense mechanisms, like downplaying injuries or building emotional walls, though these ultimately hindered processing grief.

Learning empathy through fatherhood. Witnessing his own child's pain for the first time shattered the author's emotional walls, allowing him to understand his mother's perspective and his own buried feelings. This experience highlighted the deep, often unspoken, connection between parent and child and the vulnerability it brings.

4. Embracing Unexpected Opportunities and Serendipity

WANNA PLAY DRUMS WITH IGGY POP?

Life's unpredictable twists. The narrative is punctuated by moments of unexpected opportunity that drastically altered the author's path. From seeing a flyer for a Scream drummer audition to being asked to play with Iggy Pop or Tom Petty, these chance encounters, often seemingly absurd, led to significant career milestones.

Saying yes to the unknown. Despite fear or lack of preparedness, a willingness to embrace these serendipitous moments, even when they meant leaving behind comfort or familiar situations, proved crucial. This openness to the unknown, whether joining a band or taking a last-minute gig, fueled adventure and personal growth.

Manifestation and belief. While not strictly adhering to mystical practices, the author reflects on how deeply held desires and intentions, like fantasizing about playing with Scream or praying for success, seemed to align with later opportunities. This suggests a belief in the power of focus and the universe's role in guiding one's path.

5. Navigating the Surreal Turbulence of Sudden Fame

THE SECRET WAS OUT.

Rapid, overwhelming change. The sudden, explosive success of Nirvana's "Nevermind" brought a rapid shift from playing small clubs to stadiums and attracting a mainstream audience. This swift ascent felt surreal and overwhelming, changing the world around the band faster than they could process.

Ethical conflict and identity crisis. As the band's popularity grew, the author grappled with the ethical dilemma of mainstream success versus his punk rock roots. The influx of fans who once ostracized him and the pressure to conform created an internal tug-of-war, challenging his identity as an underground artist.

The isolating bubble of fame. Despite the massive audience, the band often felt isolated within their touring bubble, while the world outside changed dramatically. This period brought increased pressure, technical difficulties, near-riots, and internal strain, highlighting the dark, challenging side of unexpected global recognition.

6. The Profound and Lasting Impact of Loss and Grief

He’s gone, Dave.

The shattering pain of loss. The sudden death of Kurt Cobain brought an unprecedented level of grief and confusion, particularly after a previous false alarm. This traumatic experience complicated the mourning process, making it difficult to access and process the deep sadness, leading to emotional numbness and a fear of feeling.

Grief as a long, unpredictable road. Losing close friends, like Kurt and later his childhood best friend Jimmy, highlighted that grief is not a linear process but a complex, lifelong journey. Each loss, though different, required relearning how to live and finding ways to carry the memory of those gone.

Finding connection in remembrance. Over time, the pain of loss transformed into a sense of connection and remembrance. Simple reminders, like songs or shared habits, evoke smiles rather than sorrow, and the author finds comfort in feeling the presence of his lost friends, particularly through music and returning to shared places.

7. Finding Anchor and Purpose in Family and Home

I had left my heart in Virginia, my forever home.

A return to roots. Despite years of traveling the world and living in different cities, the author always felt a pull back to his childhood home in Virginia. This sense of belonging and familiarity provided an anchor, a place of comfort and stability after periods of chaos and uncertainty.

Home as a place of healing and creation. Returning to Virginia allowed for a period of rebuilding and creation, both personally and musically. Converting a basement into a studio symbolized a return to the DIY ethos and provided a space to make music on his own terms, away from industry expectations.

Sharing home with loved ones. The decision to share his new home with his oldest friend, Jimmy, and later build a life there with his own family, reinforced the idea that home is defined by the people in it. This created a sense of community and belonging that had been missing during years of transient touring life.

8. Balancing the Demands of a Rock Life with Fatherhood

THIS WAS WHAT I WANTED, AND NOW I SAW THAT IT COULD BE POSSIBLE.

The dream of integrating worlds. Initially believing that fatherhood would only come after his music career ended, the author witnessed the possibility of balancing both worlds through observing others, like Neil Young. This inspired a desire to integrate his rock life with raising a family.

Prioritizing family over career demands. Becoming a father shifted priorities, leading to decisions like chartering planes and enduring grueling travel schedules to attend important family events. This commitment demonstrated that family bonds superseded career obligations, even at the height of success.

Finding balance through experience. Juggling touring, recording, and family life was initially chaotic and exhausting, leading to physical strain. However, over time, the author found a rhythm and realized that the two worlds could coexist, enriching each other and providing a sense of fulfillment.

9. The Enduring Value of Human Connection and Inspiration

I believe that people are inspired by people.

Heroes as tangible human beings. Meeting musical heroes, from Little Richard and Paul McCartney to Iggy Pop and Neil Peart, transformed one-dimensional idols into real people. These encounters, often unexpected, reinforced the shared humanity of artists and provided profound moments of inspiration and gratitude.

The power of shared moments. Collaborating or simply interacting with musicians he admired, whether jamming with Iggy Pop, playing with Tom Petty, or having John Paul Jones make him coffee, created indelible memories. These moments highlighted the connective power of music and the joy of sharing it with those who paved the way.

Giving back and connecting with others. Inspired by the kindness and generosity shown to him by his heroes and friends, the author values connecting with fans and sharing his own experiences. This reciprocal exchange reinforces the idea that inspiration flows both ways and strengthens the community built around music.

10. Embracing the Journey and the Blank Page Ahead

BECAUSE EVERY DAY IS STILL A BLANK PAGE, WAITING TO WRITE ITSELF.

Life as a continuous narrative. The author views life as an ongoing story, with each day presenting a new opportunity to write the next chapter. Despite past challenges, losses, and unexpected turns, there is a persistent drive to move forward and embrace the unknown.

Finding adventure in the unpredictable. From navigating dangerous alleyways in Europe to facing sobriety checkpoints on scooters, the author finds excitement and valuable lessons in life's unpredictable moments. This willingness to step into uncertainty, even when frightening, fuels personal growth and provides rich material for storytelling.

Resilience and forward motion. Regardless of setbacks or moments of doubt, the core principle remains: keep going. This inherent drive, perhaps inherited from his mother, pushes him to pick himself up, learn from experiences, and continue the journey, always looking for the next adventure on the blank page ahead.

Last updated: May 4, 2025