Triggers

1. Our environment shapes our behavior more than we realize

If we don't create and control our environment, our environment creates and controls us.

Environmental impact. Our surroundings profoundly influence our actions, often without our awareness. From workplace dynamics to social settings, the environment acts as a constant triggering mechanism, capable of transforming our behavior instantly. This influence can be both positive and negative, shaping our responses and decisions.

Triggers and responses. Environmental triggers can be:

• Direct or indirect
• Internal or external
• Conscious or unconscious
• Anticipated or unexpected
• Encouraging or discouraging
• Productive or counterproductive

Understanding these triggers allows us to better navigate our environment and make conscious choices about our behavior, rather than being unwitting victims of circumstance.

2. We are superior planners but inferior doers

As we're looking at our to-do list, we're feeling confident and motivated about our day. Why wouldn't you? You have a plan. A plan is a good thing. At that moment, you are functioning as a leader.

Planner vs. Doer disconnect. Within each of us exists a bifurcated personality: the Planner and the Doer. The Planner sets goals and makes intentions, while the Doer must execute these plans in real-world conditions. This disconnect often leads to a failure in achieving our desired behavioral changes.

Situational leadership approach. To bridge this gap, we can apply the concept of situational leadership to ourselves:

• Assess our readiness level for different tasks
• Adopt appropriate management styles for different situations
• Provide ourselves with the right level of direction and support
• Continuously adjust our approach based on progress and challenges

By recognizing this internal dynamic, we can develop strategies to align our planning and execution more effectively, increasing our chances of successful behavioral change.

3. Active questions drive positive change and engagement

To increase our level of engagement, we must ask ourselves if we're doing our best to be engaged.

Power of active questioning. Active questions, which focus on our efforts rather than outcomes, can significantly improve our engagement and drive positive change. These questions shift our perspective from passive observation to active participation in our own improvement.

Engaging Questions:

1. Did I do my best to set clear goals today?
2. Did I do my best to make progress toward my goals today?
3. Did I do my best to find meaning today?
4. Did I do my best to be happy today?
5. Did I do my best to build positive relationships today?
6. Did I do my best to be fully engaged today?

By regularly asking ourselves these questions, we take responsibility for our own engagement and motivation, leading to increased effort and better results in various aspects of our lives.

4. Daily self-questioning creates powerful behavioral change

Good things happen when we ask ourselves what we need to create, preserve, eliminate, and accept—a test I suspect few of us ever self-administer.

The wheel of change. To achieve lasting behavioral change, we must consider four elements:

1. Creating: What new behaviors or habits do we want to introduce?
2. Preserving: What current aspects of our lives are worth maintaining?
3. Eliminating: Which behaviors or habits should we remove?
4. Accepting: What unchangeable aspects of our lives must we learn to accept?

Daily Questions process. Implementing a daily self-questioning routine based on these elements can drive significant behavioral change. This process involves:

• Crafting personalized questions aligned with our goals
• Answering these questions honestly each day
• Scoring our efforts on a consistent scale
• Reviewing progress and adjusting questions as needed

This structured approach increases self-awareness, reinforces commitment to change, and provides a clear measure of progress over time.

5. Structure is essential for lasting behavioral improvement

We do not get better without structure.

The role of structure. Structure provides the framework necessary for sustainable behavioral change. It reduces the mental effort required to maintain new habits and helps overcome the natural tendency to revert to old patterns.

Implementing effective structure:

• Create clear, consistent routines
• Use external reminders and accountability systems
• Break large goals into smaller, manageable tasks
• Establish regular check-ins and progress reviews
• Adapt structures as needed based on feedback and results

By incorporating structure into our change efforts, we increase the likelihood of long-term success and make the process of improvement more manageable and less reliant on willpower alone.

6. Awareness of depletion helps maintain self-control

Unlike being physically tired, however, we're usually unaware of depletion. It's not like engaging in strenuous physical activity where we expect to feel the weariness in our muscles—and take time out to rest.

Understanding ego depletion. Our self-control and decision-making abilities diminish throughout the day as we expend mental energy. This depletion can lead to poor choices, decreased willpower, and undesirable behavior, especially in interpersonal situations.

Strategies to combat depletion:

• Recognize high-depletion activities and environments
• Schedule important decisions and interactions earlier in the day
• Use structure to reduce the number of choices and decisions required
• Build in regular breaks and recovery periods
• Practice self-awareness to identify signs of depletion

By acknowledging and planning for depletion, we can better manage our behavior and maintain higher levels of self-control throughout the day.

7. Avoid settling for "good enough" in interpersonal relationships

The problem begins when this good enough attitude spills beyond our marketplace choices and into the things we say and do.

Dangers of satisficing. While settling for "good enough" may be appropriate for many consumer choices, applying this mindset to interpersonal relationships can be detrimental. It can lead to disappointment, damaged trust, and deteriorating connections with others.

Areas to avoid "good enough":

• Communication with loved ones
• Fulfilling commitments to friends and colleagues
• Showing empathy and understanding
• Resolving conflicts and misunderstandings
• Expressing gratitude and appreciation

By maintaining high standards in our interpersonal behavior, we cultivate stronger, more meaningful relationships and demonstrate genuine care and respect for others.

8. Pre-commitment and hourly questions combat challenging situations

Hourly Questions are for the short game—when we require a burst of discipline to restrain our behavioral impulses for a defined period of time.

Power of pre-commitment. By anticipating challenging situations and committing to specific behaviors in advance, we can better navigate difficult environments and interactions. This pre-commitment acts as a safeguard against impulsive or undesirable reactions.

Implementing hourly questions:

1. Identify potentially challenging situations
2. Craft relevant self-reflective questions
3. Set hourly reminders to prompt self-assessment
4. Evaluate behavior and adjust as needed throughout the event

This approach provides a structured way to maintain awareness and control over our behavior in short-term, high-stress situations, helping us align our actions with our intentions.

9. Successful change requires both personal effort and external support

If we do it, we get better.

Balancing internal and external factors. Achieving lasting behavioral change requires a combination of personal commitment and external support. While individual effort is crucial, the right environment and support system can significantly enhance our chances of success.

Key elements for successful change:

• Clear, specific goals and intentions
• Consistent self-reflection and evaluation
• Structured accountability systems
• Support from friends, family, or professionals
• A conducive environment that reinforces desired behaviors
• Willingness to adjust strategies based on feedback and results

By leveraging both internal motivation and external resources, we create a robust framework for sustainable behavioral improvement, increasing our likelihood of becoming the person we aspire to be.

Last updated: September 17, 2024