What to Say When You Talk to Yourself

1. Your self-talk shapes your reality

As a man thinketh, so is he.

The power of thoughts. Your internal dialogue, or self-talk, plays a crucial role in shaping your beliefs, attitudes, and ultimately, your reality. The human brain, acting like a sophisticated computer, processes the information you feed it through your thoughts and words. This programming, whether positive or negative, influences every aspect of your life, from your self-esteem to your achievements.

Impact of early programming. During our formative years, we receive an overwhelming amount of negative programming. Research suggests that by age 18, the average person has heard "No" or what they cannot do over 148,000 times. This negative conditioning creates a mental framework that can limit our potential and hinder our success.

Reprogramming for success. The good news is that you can reprogram your mind by consciously changing your self-talk. By replacing negative thoughts with positive, affirming statements, you can override old limiting beliefs and create new, empowering ones. This process of conscious reprogramming can lead to significant improvements in various areas of your life, including:

• Self-confidence
• Goal achievement
• Relationships
• Career success
• Overall well-being

2. Replace negative programming with positive self-talk

Self-Talk is a way to override our past negative programming by erasing or replacing it with conscious, positive new directions.

Identifying negative self-talk. The first step in changing your internal dialogue is recognizing negative self-talk patterns. Common examples include:

• "I can't do this"
• "I'm not good enough"
• "Things never work out for me"

Creating positive alternatives. Once you've identified negative self-talk, replace it with positive, affirming statements. For example:

• "I can handle this challenge"
• "I am capable and competent"
• "I create opportunities for success"

Consistency is key. Reprogramming your mind requires consistent effort. Make a conscious effort to catch negative self-talk and immediately replace it with positive alternatives. Over time, this practice will become more natural and automatic, leading to lasting changes in your thought patterns and behaviors.

3. Understand the five levels of self-talk

The more you think about yourself in a certain way, the more you will think about yourself in that same certain way!

Level 1: Negative acceptance. This is the most harmful form of self-talk, characterized by statements like "I can't" or "I'll never be able to." It reinforces limiting beliefs and hinders progress.

Level 2: Recognition of need to change. While acknowledging the need for change, this level still lacks action. Examples include "I should" or "I need to."

Level 3: Decision to change. This level marks the beginning of positive self-talk, using phrases like "I never" or "I no longer" to affirm new behaviors.

Level 4: The better you. This is the most effective form of self-talk, using present-tense statements like "I am" to create a new self-image.

Level 5: Universal affirmation. This level focuses on broader, spiritual aspects of life and self-awareness.

By understanding these levels, you can:

• Identify your current self-talk patterns
• Consciously move towards higher, more empowering levels
• Create lasting positive changes in your mindset and behavior

4. Practice habit-changing and attitude-building self-talk

Any habit once learned can be changed.

Habit-changing self-talk. To break unwanted habits or establish new ones, use specific, present-tense statements that reinforce your desired behavior. For example, to quit smoking:

• "I am a non-smoker"
• "I enjoy breathing clean, fresh air"
• "I am in control of my health and well-being"

Attitude-building self-talk. Your attitudes significantly impact your feelings and actions. Use self-talk to cultivate positive attitudes:

• "I take full responsibility for my life and choices"
• "I approach challenges with confidence and enthusiasm"
• "I see opportunities for growth in every situation"

Holistic approach. When addressing habits or attitudes, consider all aspects of the issue. Create self-talk statements that:

• Boost self-esteem
• Enhance motivation
• Address underlying beliefs
• Reinforce desired behaviors

By consistently practicing habit-changing and attitude-building self-talk, you can create lasting positive changes in your behavior and outlook on life.

5. Harness the power of internal motivation

The only kind of motivation which we can ever be sure of is the motivation that is created within us—"internal" motivation.

Understanding internal motivation. Unlike external motivation, which is temporary and dependent on outside factors, internal motivation comes from within. It's based on your personal beliefs, values, and desires.

Creating self-motivation through self-talk. Use empowering statements to boost your internal motivation:

• "I am capable of achieving my goals"
• "I embrace challenges as opportunities for growth"
• "I am driven by my own desire for success"

Consistency and repetition. To build lasting internal motivation:

• Practice motivational self-talk daily
• Create a routine (e.g., morning affirmations)
• Reinforce positive beliefs throughout the day

By developing strong internal motivation through self-talk, you'll be less reliant on external factors and more resilient in the face of challenges.

6. Use situational self-talk to navigate daily challenges

Situational Self-Talk is the kind of Self-Talk that adjusts situations by adjusting how we look at them.

Immediate perspective shift. Situational self-talk allows you to quickly reframe challenging situations in a more positive light. For example, when stuck in traffic:

• "This is an opportunity to practice patience"
• "I can use this time to plan my day"
• "I choose to remain calm and relaxed"

Emotional regulation. By using situational self-talk, you can:

• Reduce stress and anxiety
• Maintain a positive outlook
• Respond more effectively to unexpected events

Practical application. Use situational self-talk in various daily scenarios:

• Work challenges
• Interpersonal conflicts
• Minor frustrations (e.g., long lines, delays)

By mastering situational self-talk, you'll develop greater resilience and maintain a more positive outlook in the face of daily challenges.

7. Make self-talk a daily practice for lasting change

The key to learning all Self-Talk is repetition, repetition, repetition.

Consistent practice. To reap the full benefits of self-talk, make it a daily habit:

• Set aside dedicated time for self-talk exercises
• Use reminders or visual cues to prompt positive self-talk
• Incorporate self-talk into existing routines (e.g., during your commute)

Multiple approaches. Experiment with different self-talk techniques:

• Silent self-talk
• Speaking aloud to yourself
• Writing affirmations
• Listening to recorded self-talk

Track your progress. Monitor the impact of your self-talk practice:

• Keep a journal of your thoughts and behaviors
• Note improvements in your mood and outlook
• Celebrate small victories and positive changes

By making self-talk a consistent part of your daily life, you'll gradually rewire your thought patterns and create lasting positive changes in your mindset, behavior, and overall quality of life.

Last updated: January 22, 2025