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With

With

Reimagining the Way You Relate to God
by Skye Jethani 2011 207 pages
4.43
4k+ ratings
Listen
10 minutes

Key Takeaways

1. Life After Eden: Understanding Our Broken Relationship with God

"Fear and control are the basis for all human religion."

The human condition. After the fall in Eden, humanity entered a world marked by chaos, ugliness, and scarcity. This new reality bred fear in our hearts, leading us to seek control as a means of mitigating our anxieties. Our attempts at control, however, are ultimately futile and often destructive.

The religious response. Various forms of religion emerged as attempts to regain control over our chaotic world. These approaches, while seemingly diverse, all stem from the same root of fear and desire for control. They offer the illusion of safety and predictability in an unpredictable universe.

The need for restoration. Our broken relationship with God cannot be fixed through our own efforts at control. Instead, we need a fundamental shift in how we relate to God – moving from fear-driven attempts at manipulation to a restoration of the intimate communion we were originally created to enjoy.

2. The Four Postures: Common Ways People Relate to God

"Like the tourists in Ravenna, many come into Christian faith with great expectations. They have heard stories of jubilation and salvation, of the power to overcome this world and experience the divine in inexpressible ways. But once inside the ancient halls of Christianity many are disappointed."

Understanding the postures. The author identifies four common ways people tend to relate to God:

  • Life Under God: Seeking to appease God through obedience
  • Life Over God: Attempting to leverage divine principles without relationship
  • Life From God: Viewing God as a source of blessings and benefits
  • Life For God: Finding purpose in accomplishing things for God's kingdom

Limitations of each approach. While each posture contains elements of truth, they all fall short of the fullness of relationship God desires with us. They often lead to disappointment, burnout, or a distorted view of God's character.

The missing element. What these postures lack is a genuine, intimate communion with God himself. They focus on what we can get from God or do for God, rather than simply being with God and enjoying his presence.

3. Life Under God: The Illusion of Control Through Obedience

"Adding to the dilemma is the fact that ensuring my safety, or the safety of my community, often requires seeking control over other people and communities. In order for me to have enough, you must have less. This leads to conflict, wars, and even more fear."

The appeal of rules. Living "under God" appeals to our desire for clear boundaries and a sense of control. If we follow the rules, we believe, God will bless us and protect us from harm. This approach often leads to legalism and a transactional view of our relationship with God.

The burden of performance. This posture places an enormous burden on the individual to maintain perfect obedience. It can lead to:

  • Constant anxiety about falling short
  • Judgmentalism towards others who don't measure up
  • A distorted view of God as a harsh taskmaster

The failure of control. Ultimately, living "under God" fails to deliver the control it promises. We cannot manipulate God through our obedience, and our attempts to do so often lead to greater fear and conflict with others.

4. Life Over God: The Deception of Principles Without Relationship

"If he's already given you the watch, why bother maintaining a relationship with the watchmaker?"

The appeal of principles. The "Life Over God" posture sees the universe as governed by immutable laws or principles. By understanding and applying these principles, we believe we can control our circumstances and achieve success. This approach often reduces the Bible to a manual for living rather than a means of knowing God.

The illusion of self-sufficiency. This posture can lead to:

  • A sense of autonomy from God
  • Overconfidence in our ability to manage life
  • Neglect of prayer and genuine dependence on God

The limits of knowledge. While principles and knowledge are valuable, they cannot replace a living relationship with God. This approach fails to address the deeper longings of the human heart and often leaves people feeling empty despite their apparent success.

5. Life From God: The Emptiness of Consumer Christianity

"LIFE FROM GOD is no different. By placing all our focus on receiving God's blessings and gifts, we behave just like the arrogant young man in the story—we value what God can do for us but not God himself."

The consumer mindset. Our consumer culture has deeply influenced how many people approach faith. God becomes a divine vending machine, existing to meet our needs and fulfill our desires. This posture reduces faith to a transaction rather than a relationship.

The danger of self-centeredness. Living "from God" can lead to:

  • A sense of entitlement
  • Disappointment when God doesn't meet our expectations
  • Shallow faith that crumbles in difficult times

The emptiness of materialism. While God does bless us and provide for our needs, making this the focus of our faith leaves us spiritually malnourished. We were created for more than just receiving; we were made for communion with God himself.

6. Life For God: The Burden of Mission-Driven Faith

"If we are to take risks, to be free, in the air, in life, we have to know there's a catcher. We have to know that when we come down from it all, we're going to be caught, we're going to be safe. The great hero is the least visible. Trust the catcher."

The appeal of purpose. Living "for God" focuses on accomplishing great things for His kingdom. This posture often emphasizes sacrifice, service, and impact. While these are noble pursuits, they can become a burden when separated from a genuine relationship with God.

The danger of burnout. This approach can lead to:

  • Constant striving and feelings of inadequacy
  • Equating our worth with our accomplishments
  • Neglecting our own spiritual health and intimacy with God

The limits of human effort. While God does call us to participate in His mission, our primary identity is not found in what we do for Him, but in who we are in relationship to Him. Our work flows out of our communion with God, not as a means of earning His love or approval.

7. Life With God: Rediscovering Communion as Our True Purpose

"God's original intent for humanity to live and rule with him on the earth is also on display in the closing chapters of the Bible."

The heart of Christianity. The core of Christian faith is not about living under, over, from, or for God, but about living with God. This was God's original intent in creation and remains His ultimate purpose for humanity.

Restoring relationship. Life with God involves:

  • Treasuring God above all else
  • Being united with Him through Christ
  • Experiencing His presence in our daily lives

The transformative power of presence. When we truly live in communion with God, it changes everything. Our fears are calmed, our identity is secured, and we find the strength to love others as we have been loved.

8. Faith: Surrendering Control and Embracing Trust

"Perfect love casts out fear."

The nature of true faith. Biblical faith is not about certainty or control, but about trust and surrender. It's the willingness to let go of our attempts to manage life and instead rely on God's goodness and love.

Overcoming fear. Faith allows us to:

  • Face uncertainty with courage
  • Release our grip on circumstances we can't control
  • Experience the peace that comes from knowing we are held by God

The journey of trust. Developing this kind of faith is a process. It often involves moments of doubt and struggle, but as we experience God's faithfulness, our capacity to trust Him grows.

9. Hope: Finding Purpose in God's Presence

"Hope is the conviction that despite what we may see and experience, everything is not meaningless. There is order amid the chaos; there is a story driving all things to a culmination."

The source of true hope. Christian hope is not wishful thinking, but a confident expectation based on God's character and promises. It's grounded in the belief that God is present with us and working out His purposes even in the midst of chaos.

Hope's transformative power. Living with hope allows us to:

  • Find meaning in difficult circumstances
  • Maintain perspective in the face of setbacks
  • Live with purpose and joy regardless of our external situation

Cultivating hope. We nurture hope through:

  • Regular engagement with God's Word
  • Remembering God's faithfulness in the past
  • Participating in Christian community that reinforces our hope

10. Love: The Ultimate Expression of Life With God

"Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away."

The centrality of love. Love is not just one aspect of the Christian life; it is the ultimate expression of life with God. It's what remains when everything else fades away.

The source of love. Our capacity to love others flows from experiencing God's love for us. As we commune with God and receive His love, we are transformed and empowered to love others sacrificially.

The eternal nature of love. While other spiritual gifts and experiences are temporary, love endures forever. It's the clearest reflection of God's character and the surest sign that we are truly living in communion with Him.

Last updated:

Review Summary

4.43 out of 5
Average of 4k+ ratings from Goodreads and Amazon.

With by Skye Jethani explores five postures of relating to God: under, over, from, for, and with. Readers praise the book for its insightful analysis of common approaches to faith and its compelling case for living "with" God. Many found it transformative, challenging their understanding of Christianity and offering a fresh perspective on communion with God. While some felt the practical applications were limited, most reviewers highly recommend the book for its accessible writing, thought-provoking content, and potential to reshape one's relationship with God.

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About the Author

Skye Jethani is an author, speaker, consultant, and ordained pastor known for his work at the intersection of faith and culture. He co-hosts the Phil Vischer Podcast, blending cultural and theological insights with humor. Jethani has consulted for various organizations, including The Lausanne Movement and The White House Office of Faith-Based and Neighborhood Partnerships. He has authored three books: "The Divine Commodity," "WITH," and "Futureville." His writing explores themes of faith beyond consumerism and reimagining relationships with God. Jethani lives in Wheaton, IL with his wife Amanda and their three children: Zoe, Isaac, and Lucy.

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