You and Me Forever

1. Marriage isn't the ultimate goal; God is.

This book is about loving each other forever.

Eternal perspective matters. While we love our spouses deeply, our earthly marriages are temporary; Jesus taught that marriage doesn't carry over into heaven (Matthew 22:30). Our eternal relationship with God is paramount and will be infinitely better than any earthly closeness. Focusing on this eternal reality keeps our priorities straight and prevents us from idolizing marriage or pursuing mere earthly happiness.

God's mission first. Surprisingly, focusing on God's mission rather than solely on each other can make a marriage amazing. An eternal mindset prevents petty arguments because there are bigger things at stake. God created us for a purpose, and wasting our lives or marriages on self-pursuit misses that divine design.

Ultimate happiness is God. Many marriage books aim for immediate happiness, but this book points to ultimate happiness found in God. You can have a happy earthly marriage and still miss out on eternity. True, lasting love and joy come from magnifying Jesus now and forever, allowing your marriage to be an overflow of your relationship with Him.

2. Most marriage problems are God problems.

As a pastor for over 20 years, I have come to the conclusion that most marriage problems are not really marriage problems. They are God problems.

Relationship with God is foundational. An accurate understanding of God and a healthy relationship with Him are vital for everything, including marriage. When two people are right with God, they are far more likely to be right with each other. Problems often stem from a poor relationship with God or a faulty understanding of who He is.

Fear God appropriately. A healthy fear of God is foundational for marriage and life. It keeps our priorities aligned and protects us from sin. Jesus said to fear Him who can destroy both soul and body in hell (Matthew 10:28). This awe-inspiring perspective helps us navigate temptations like pornography or flirting, reminding us that God sees everything and hates sin.

Stare at God, not self. Couples often focus too much on themselves and each other, neglecting to "stare at God." Meditating on God's holiness and majesty puts everything else, including marital issues, into proper perspective. This focus on God cures narcissism and fills the void we often try to fill with frail substitutes like wealth, pleasure, or even our spouses.

3. Marriage is a picture of Christ and the church.

This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.

Marriage reflects a greater union. Ephesians 5 reveals that the mystery of marriage is not just the union of man and woman, but the profound union between Christ and the church. God actively pursues human beings, even when we were His enemies, sacrificing His Son to reconcile us to Himself (Romans 5:8-10). This is the ultimate love story that earthly marriage shadows.

We are beautiful to God. Through Christ's sacrifice, believers are made righteous and attractive to God, like a bride adorned for her wedding day (Isaiah 61:10). This transformation is nothing we earned but a gift received through faith in Jesus. We are the bride of Christ now, eagerly awaiting the full consummation of this union at the "marriage of the Lamb" (Revelation 19:6-9).

Display the gospel. God created marriage to be a powerful display of the gospel to the world. The way husbands love their wives (sacrificially, like Christ) and wives respect their husbands (following godly leadership) should paint a beautiful picture of Christ's relationship with the church. Our marriages should make the love of Christ believable and draw people to Him.

4. Imitate Christ's humility and sacrifice in marriage.

If two people make it their goal to imitate the humility of Christ, everything else will take care of itself.

Christ-likeness is the goal. Followers of Christ are called to imitate Him, embracing humility, sacrifice, forgiveness, and suffering, not just love and kindness. This is not optional but what we sign up for when we are "crucified with Christ" (Galatians 2:20). The beauty of the gospel is that Christ is so worthy, we gladly sacrifice all to become like Him.

Humility defeats pride. Humility is key to a healthy marriage. Arguments escalate when we prioritize being right over being like Christ. James 4:6 warns that "God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble." Fighting to win an argument against your spouse means you are inviting God's opposition, a far worse opponent.

Die to self daily. Becoming like Christ requires a moment-by-moment dying to self. This is superhuman, but possible through the power of the Holy Spirit. We are called to be ambassadors for Christ, translating His character to the world, and marriage is a primary billboard for this message.

5. Marriage is a platform for God's mission.

Your marriage exists to make disciples.

Jesus commanded the mission. The resurrected King's final command was to "go therefore and make disciples of all nations" (Matthew 28:18-20). This takes priority over everything else, including personal comfort and even family pursuits. Our lives and marriages should be structured around this command, constantly asking how we can free up time and resources for making disciples.

Jesus is on the battlefield. Jesus promised to be with us as we go and make disciples (Matthew 28:20). We experience His presence and power in a unique way when we are actively engaged in His mission, being His witnesses (Acts 1:8). God often shows up powerfully when His followers take risks for His sake, not when they are comfortable in their "Christian concert."

People are dying. Billions are dying and heading for God's judgment (Matthew 7:13-14). This reality should create "great sorrow and unceasing anguish" (Romans 9:2) and compel us to action. Our use of time and money should make sense in light of the spiritual and physical suffering in the world. We cannot ignore the cries of those in desperate need.

6. Focusing on the mission strengthens marriage.

Being in war together is what keeps us from being at war with each other.

Unity in purpose. A shared devotion to God's mission can bind a couple together more effectively than shared hobbies or interests. When both spouses are striving side-by-side for the faith of the gospel (Philippians 1:27), unity is a natural byproduct. The mission provides a common goal that transcends individual desires and disagreements.

Mission over comfort. 1 Corinthians 7:29-35 challenges married couples to live "as though they had none" because "the appointed time has grown very short." This doesn't mean neglecting marriage, but prioritizing "undivided devotion to the Lord." Marriage can become a distraction if we seek to please each other more than God, or if we enjoy it so much it keeps us from the mission.

Training for godliness. Living a missional life requires discipline and training, like an athlete preparing for a race (1 Corinthians 9:24-27). We must lay aside weights and sin that hinder us (Hebrews 12:1) and make conscious choices to stay focused. This training, though difficult, is "of value in every way, as it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come" (1 Timothy 4:7-9).

7. Live for God's promises, not temporary comfort.

For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison.

Eternity changes everything. Our hope is not just in this life (1 Corinthians 15:19). God promises eternal rewards for sacrifices made for His kingdom (Mark 10:28-30). Believing in these rewards is essential to pleasing God (Hebrews 11:6). Focusing on the "unseen" and "eternal" prevents us from being blinded by temporary "light momentary affliction" (2 Corinthians 4:16-18).

Anticipate heaven. We should eagerly anticipate being with Jesus (Philippians 1:21-26). If we'd rather stay on earth than see His face today, it suggests a lack of understanding of God's beauty and providence. Meditating on biblical descriptions of heaven (Revelation 21-22) can fuel this anticipation and anchor our souls (Hebrews 6:19).

Fight doubt with faith. Our natural skepticism from being lied to by people can spill over into distrust of God's promises. God, who never lies (Titus 1:1-3), wants us to be confident and thrilled about our future. We must actively fight doubt by meditating on His faithfulness and praying for increased faith and hope.

8. Parenting should prioritize God's glory and mission.

We have to make it clear to our children that we love God far more than we love them.

Children are a heritage. Children are a blessing from the Lord (Psalm 127:3-5), meant to be like arrows for God's purposes. However, poor parenting can turn them into burdens. Our goal is to raise children who love Jesus more than us, trust Him more, and find their security and joy in Him.

Demonstrate godly living. Kids are perceptive and see where our time, resources, and affections truly lie. We must demonstrate that we love God more than them, not just say it. Parents are commanded to teach their children God's commands diligently (Deuteronomy 6:4-8), not outsource this responsibility.

Raise disciples, not idols. We must curb the natural egocentric mindset in children by showing them that the world revolves around Jesus, not them. Teaching respect for authority, including parents, is crucial because disrespect for human authority often leads to disrespect for God (Ephesians 6:1-4). Our parenting should exemplify God's loving authority, discipline, and forgiveness.

9. The Holy Spirit empowers impossible transformation.

Put simply: the Holy Spirit moves us from an impossible situation into a position where it is impossible to fail.

Life from death. Without the Holy Spirit, we are spiritually dead (Ephesians 2:1-3), like dry bones (Ezekiel 37:1-14). All our efforts at godly living or building a healthy marriage are futile. The Spirit's power is the difference between scattered bones and a living, powerful army.

Internal change, external fruit. The Holy Spirit brings about a new creation within believers (2 Corinthians 5:17), transplanting stone hearts with living ones (Ezekiel 36:25-27). This inward change produces tangible, indisputable external actions and fruit (Galatians 5:22-24). If the fruit isn't evident, we must ask if the Spirit is truly in us.

Empowered for godliness. God's divine power grants us "all things that pertain to life and godliness" (2 Peter 1:3). We have everything needed to live a godly life and marriage through the Spirit. The solution to weak marriages isn't just trying harder or better strategies, but allowing the Spirit's power to gush out of our hearts into every aspect of life.

10. Don't give up; God is faithful and rewards.

You will reap a harvest if you don’t give up.

Sow to the Spirit. As we "sow to the Spirit" in our marriages and lives, we will "reap eternal life" and spiritual blessings like love, joy, peace, and patience (Galatians 6:7-8, 5:22-23). This requires patient effort, like a farmer tending a crop. Don't become weary in doing good; a harvest is coming if you persevere (Galatians 6:9).

Prayer changes everything. Sowing to the Spirit starts with prayer. Earnestly crying out to God opens communication with the Holy Spirit and invites His sensitivity and guidance. God promises to hear and answer us as we humbly call out to Him (Psalm 18:6). Consistent prayer is vital for receiving the strength and wisdom needed.

God is the ultimate source. Many expect their spouses to meet needs that only God can fulfill. True strength, joy, and fulfillment come from God alone, who promises to meet all our needs (Philippians 4:19) and never leave us (Hebrews 13:5). Strengthening your walk with God first allows your spouse to excel at being a spouse, rather than failing at being God.

Last updated: May 13, 2025