Feedback (and Other Dirty Words)

1. What is "Feedback (and Other Dirty Words)" by M. Tamra Chandler about?

• Rebranding Feedback: The book explores why feedback is often feared and misunderstood in organizations, and how to transform it into a positive, growth-oriented practice.
• Practical Frameworks: It provides actionable frameworks, models, and tools for individuals and organizations to improve how they seek, receive, and extend feedback.
• Organizational Focus: While feedback is a universal topic, the book specifically targets workplace environments, aiming to make feedback a core part of healthy organizational culture.
• Movement for Change: The author advocates for a collective movement to fix feedback, emphasizing the need for trust, connection, and a new definition of feedback.

2. Why should I read "Feedback (and Other Dirty Words)" by M. Tamra Chandler?

• Overcome Feedback Fear: The book addresses the common fear and discomfort around feedback, offering science-backed strategies to overcome them.
• Boost Performance and Engagement: It demonstrates how effective feedback practices can drive individual and organizational performance, engagement, and growth.
• Actionable Advice: Readers gain practical tips, conversation models (like CONNECT), and real-world scenarios to apply immediately in their work lives.
• Culture Transformation: The book is ideal for leaders, managers, and employees who want to create a culture where feedback is welcomed, not dreaded.

3. What are the key takeaways from "Feedback (and Other Dirty Words)" by M. Tamra Chandler?

• Feedback Needs Rebranding: Most people and organizations have a dysfunctional relationship with feedback due to negative experiences and misconceptions.
• Trust is Foundational: Building trust and human connections is essential for feedback to be effective and safe.
• Three Fs of Feedback: Fairness, Focus, and Frequency are the pillars of impactful feedback.
• Growth Mindset Matters: Adopting a growth mindset is crucial for both giving and receiving feedback productively.

4. How does M. Tamra Chandler define feedback in "Feedback (and Other Dirty Words)"?

• New Definition: Feedback is "clear and specific information that’s sought or extended with the sole intention of helping individuals or groups improve, grow, or advance."
• Intentional and Helpful: The focus is on feedback being helpful, not punitive or judgmental.
• Specific and Actionable: Feedback should be detailed enough to inspire action and improvement.
• Mutual Process: It involves both seeking and extending, not just top-down delivery.

5. What are the main reasons people fear feedback, according to "Feedback (and Other Dirty Words)"?

• Evolutionary Response: The brain’s "fight, flight, freeze, or appease" response is triggered by perceived threats to identity and connection.
• Negative Experiences: Early and repeated negative feedback experiences condition people to associate feedback with criticism and pain.
• Negativity Bias: Humans process and remember negative information more strongly than positive, making bad feedback stickier.
• Fear of Isolation: At the core, people fear feedback will lead to rejection or loss of belonging.

6. What is the "Three Fs" framework in "Feedback (and Other Dirty Words)" and why is it important?

• Fairness: Feedback must be unbiased, descriptive, and free from judgment to be trusted and effective.
• Focus: Feedback should be specific, targeted, and concise—delivered in bite-sized, actionable pieces.
• Frequency: Regular, informal feedback builds trust, learning, and performance, as opposed to infrequent, formal reviews.
• Combined Impact: Together, the Three Fs create a safe environment for feedback to drive growth and improvement.

7. How does "Feedback (and Other Dirty Words)" by M. Tamra Chandler recommend building trust for better feedback?

• Be Human: Show authenticity, admit mistakes, and share emotions to foster genuine connections.
• Keep Commitments: Do what you say you’ll do, be consistent, and act with honesty.
• Be Kind and Supportive: Encourage, listen, and value others’ needs as much as your own.
• Connect Frequently: Invest time in building relationships, as trust is built over many small interactions.

8. What roles do "Seekers," "Receivers," and "Extenders" play in the feedback process in "Feedback (and Other Dirty Words)"?

• Seekers: Proactively ask for feedback to drive their own growth and development, setting the tone for a feedback-rich culture.
• Receivers: Listen to and process feedback (solicited or unsolicited), making thoughtful choices about how to respond and act.
• Extenders: Provide feedback to others, either when asked or proactively, focusing on being helpful, specific, and nonjudgmental.
• Role Fluidity: Everyone plays all three roles at different times, and mastering each is key to a healthy feedback environment.

9. What is the "Fine Art of Noticing" (FAN) in "Feedback (and Other Dirty Words)" and how does it improve feedback?

• Observation Without Judgment: FAN is about observing behaviors and outcomes factually, without attaching labels or emotions.
• Frequent, Small Insights: Encourages sharing small, specific observations regularly, rather than saving up feedback for big events.
• Reduces Bias: By focusing on what’s actually observed, FAN helps minimize the impact of cognitive biases.
• Builds Feedback Muscles: Practicing FAN makes giving and receiving feedback more natural and less threatening over time.

10. How does "Feedback (and Other Dirty Words)" address the importance of mindset in feedback?

• Growth vs. Fixed Mindset: The book draws on Carol Dweck’s research, showing that those with a growth mindset seek out and learn from feedback, while those with a fixed mindset avoid it.
• Mindset Shifts: Encourages readers to shift from "prove" (defending self-worth) to "improve" (embracing learning and development).
• Self and Others: It’s important to hold a growth mindset about both yourself and others to maximize feedback’s benefits.
• Practical Tips: The book offers language and reflection exercises to help readers recognize and shift their mindset.

11. What practical models or tools does "Feedback (and Other Dirty Words)" by M. Tamra Chandler provide for feedback conversations?

• CONNECT Model: A step-by-step conversation guide for structuring feedback, covering Context, One thing, Notice, No G.R.I.T., Effect, Conversation, and Trust.
• Feedback Guide Template: Helps individuals clarify their feedback preferences and share them with others.
• Real-World Scenarios: The book includes detailed examples and scripts for common feedback situations.
• Team Practices: Suggestions like "Feedback Fridays" and meeting debriefs to build feedback habits collectively.

12. What are the best quotes from "Feedback (and Other Dirty Words)" by M. Tamra Chandler and what do they mean?

• "Feedback should be a good thing." — Reminds us that feedback’s true purpose is to help, not harm, and that it’s essential for growth.
• "Trust, trust, trust: It’s the vital ingredient that makes feedback work." — Emphasizes that without trust, feedback cannot be effective or safe.
• "If you’re not falling, you’re not learning." — Encourages embracing mistakes and feedback as necessary parts of improvement.
• "Feedback is learning, too, and it’s best when it comes in a concentrated form—a concise, specific, and actionable morsel of information." — Advocates for focused, bite-sized feedback over overwhelming or vague input.
• "Let’s put fear in the rearview mirror and head for a place where feedback helps and doesn’t hurt." — Captures the book’s mission to transform feedback from a source of anxiety to a tool for thriving.