Getting Past No

What's "Getting Past No" about?

• Negotiation in Difficult Situations: "Getting Past No" by William Ury is a guide to negotiating effectively in challenging situations where the other party is uncooperative or hostile.
• Breakthrough Strategy: The book introduces a five-step strategy called Breakthrough Negotiation, designed to help negotiators overcome barriers and reach mutually satisfactory agreements.
• Focus on Cooperation: It emphasizes transforming adversarial relationships into cooperative partnerships by changing the negotiation game from confrontation to problem-solving.
• Practical Techniques: Ury provides practical techniques and real-world examples to illustrate how to apply the Breakthrough Strategy in various contexts, from business to personal relationships.

Why should I read "Getting Past No"?

• Improve Negotiation Skills: The book offers valuable insights and techniques to enhance your negotiation skills, especially in difficult situations.
• Universal Application: The strategies and principles can be applied in various settings, including business, family, and politics, making it a versatile resource.
• Conflict Resolution: It provides tools to resolve conflicts and build better relationships, which are essential skills in both personal and professional life.
• Proven Methods: The methods are based on Ury's extensive experience as a negotiator and mediator, ensuring they are practical and effective.

What are the key takeaways of "Getting Past No"?

• Five-Step Strategy: The Breakthrough Strategy consists of five steps: Go to the Balcony, Step to Their Side, Reframe, Build Them a Golden Bridge, and Use Power to Educate.
• Control Reactions: The first step emphasizes controlling your reactions to maintain focus on your goals and avoid escalating conflicts.
• Empathy and Understanding: Stepping to the other side involves listening and acknowledging the other party's perspective to create a favorable negotiation climate.
• Creative Problem-Solving: Reframing focuses on shifting the discussion from positions to interests, encouraging creative solutions.

How does the Breakthrough Strategy work in "Getting Past No"?

• Go to the Balcony: This step involves taking a mental step back to gain perspective and avoid reacting impulsively to provocations.
• Step to Their Side: It emphasizes listening and acknowledging the other party's emotions and viewpoints to build rapport and reduce hostility.
• Reframe: This involves redirecting the conversation from rigid positions to underlying interests, facilitating problem-solving.
• Build Them a Golden Bridge: This step focuses on making it easy for the other party to agree by involving them in the solution and addressing their needs.

What is the "Go to the Balcony" technique in "Getting Past No"?

• Mental Detachment: "Go to the Balcony" refers to mentally distancing yourself from the negotiation to maintain objectivity and control your reactions.
• Avoid Impulsive Reactions: It helps prevent impulsive reactions that can escalate conflicts and derail negotiations.
• Focus on Goals: By going to the balcony, you can keep your focus on achieving your negotiation goals rather than getting caught up in emotional exchanges.
• Preparation and Reflection: This technique encourages preparation and reflection before and during negotiations to stay grounded and strategic.

How can I "Step to Their Side" according to "Getting Past No"?

• Active Listening: Listen actively to the other party's concerns and emotions to show understanding and respect.
• Acknowledge Their Perspective: Acknowledge their points and feelings without necessarily agreeing, which can help defuse tension and build rapport.
• Empathy and Respect: Demonstrating empathy and respect can create a more favorable environment for negotiation and reduce adversarial attitudes.
• Avoid Arguing: Instead of arguing, focus on understanding their viewpoint and finding common ground to facilitate cooperation.

What does "Reframe" mean in "Getting Past No"?

• Shift Focus: Reframing involves shifting the focus from rigid positions to underlying interests, encouraging a more collaborative approach.
• Ask Problem-Solving Questions: Use questions to explore interests, options, and standards, guiding the conversation toward creative solutions.
• Change the Game: By reframing, you change the negotiation game from adversarial to problem-solving, making it easier to find mutually beneficial outcomes.
• Address Tactics: Reframing also involves addressing and neutralizing tactics like stone walls, attacks, and tricks by redirecting attention to the problem.

How do you "Build Them a Golden Bridge" in "Getting Past No"?

• Involve the Other Side: Engage the other party in crafting the solution to make it their idea and increase their commitment to the agreement.
• Address Unmet Interests: Identify and satisfy any unmet interests, including intangible needs like recognition and autonomy.
• Help Save Face: Allow the other party to save face by framing the agreement as a victory or positive outcome for them.
• Go Slow to Go Fast: Break the agreement into manageable steps and avoid rushing, making it easier for the other party to agree.

What does "Use Power to Educate" entail in "Getting Past No"?

• Educate, Don't Escalate: Use power to educate the other party about the consequences of no agreement, rather than escalating the conflict.
• Reality-Testing Questions: Ask questions that help the other party understand the realities and costs of not reaching an agreement.
• Warn, Don't Threaten: Frame your power moves as warnings rather than threats to avoid provoking a defensive reaction.
• Demonstrate Your BATNA: If necessary, demonstrate your Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement (BATNA) to show the other party the benefits of reaching an agreement.

What are some of the best quotes from "Getting Past No" and what do they mean?

• "The best general is the one who never fights." This quote emphasizes the importance of resolving conflicts through negotiation rather than confrontation.
• "Build your opponent a golden bridge to retreat across." It highlights the need to make it easy for the other party to agree by addressing their needs and allowing them to save face.
• "To win one hundred victories in one hundred battles is not the acme of skill. To subdue the enemy without fighting is the acme of skill." This quote underscores the value of achieving goals through negotiation and persuasion rather than force.
• "An eye for an eye and we all go blind." It warns against the destructive cycle of retaliation and escalation in conflicts.

How does "Getting Past No" relate to Ury's other works?

• Trilogy on Negotiation: "Getting Past No" is part of a trilogy on negotiation, along with "Getting to Yes" and "The Power of a Positive No."
• Complementary Principles: The principles in "Getting Past No" complement those in "Getting to Yes," focusing on overcoming obstacles to cooperation.
• Saying No Positively: "The Power of a Positive No" explores how to say no constructively, aligning with the strategies in "Getting Past No" for dealing with difficult situations.
• Life Skills for Negotiation: Together, these books provide a comprehensive guide to the life skills necessary for successful negotiation in various contexts.

What are some practical examples of applying the Breakthrough Strategy in "Getting Past No"?

• Salary Negotiation: The book provides an example of negotiating a raise by reframing the conversation to focus on cost-saving contributions and future compensation.
• Hostage Negotiation: It illustrates the application of the strategy in a hostage situation, emphasizing listening, reframing, and building a golden bridge for peaceful resolution.
• Business Mergers: The book discusses real-world business negotiations, such as the failed CBS-Gannett merger, to highlight the importance of involving the other side and addressing unmet interests.
• Everyday Conflicts: Ury offers examples from everyday life, such as dealing with a difficult boss or a rebellious teenager, to demonstrate the universal applicability of the Breakthrough Strategy.