Opening Up

What's Opening Up: A Guide To Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships about?

• Exploration of Nonmonogamy: The book is a comprehensive guide to understanding and navigating open relationships, including swinging, polyamory, and solo polyamory. It challenges traditional notions of monogamy and explores various relationship styles that allow for multiple intimate connections.
• Personal Stories and Research: It includes insights from interviews with individuals practicing nonmonogamy, providing real-life examples and perspectives. Taormino combines her experiences with research to offer a well-rounded view of the subject.
• Practical Guidance: The book serves as a roadmap for those interested in exploring nonmonogamous relationships, offering practical advice on communication, consent, and setting boundaries.

Why should I read Opening Up: A Guide To Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships?

• Empowerment and Education: The book empowers readers to explore their relationship options and understand the dynamics of nonmonogamy. It educates individuals about the benefits and challenges of open relationships, helping them make informed choices.
• Diverse Perspectives: By including a variety of voices and experiences, Taormino provides a nuanced understanding of nonmonogamy. Readers can learn from the successes and struggles of others, which can be particularly helpful for those new to the concept.
• Tools for Success: It offers practical tools and exercises to help readers design their own open relationships, making it a valuable resource for anyone considering this lifestyle.

What are the key takeaways of Opening Up: A Guide To Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships?

• Communication is Crucial: Effective communication is emphasized as a foundational element for successful open relationships. Taormino states that understanding oneself and one's desires is essential for navigating nonmonogamy.
• Consent and Boundaries: The importance of consent and establishing clear boundaries is highlighted throughout the book. Ensuring that everyone involved is on board is crucial for a healthy relationship.
• Emotional Skills: Developing emotional skills such as self-awareness, trust, and coping with jealousy is essential. The book encourages self-reflection and personal growth.

What are the best quotes from Opening Up: A Guide To Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships and what do they mean?

• "Poly has been, for me, a lot about letting go.": This quote emphasizes the importance of releasing fears and expectations in non-monogamous relationships. It suggests that personal growth often comes from embracing change and uncertainty.
• "We address each other’s feelings with care, urgency, and without judgment.": This highlights the need for compassion and understanding in communication. It underscores that both partners are responsible for nurturing each other's emotional well-being.
• "Once you leave the beaten path of a traditional monogamous relationship, you really are off in the forest where anything is possible.": This metaphor illustrates the freedom and potential for creativity in non-monogamous relationships. It encourages readers to explore their desires without the constraints of traditional norms.

How does Opening Up: A Guide To Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships address jealousy and intense feelings?

• Understanding Jealousy: Taormino explains that jealousy is a common emotion in relationships, often stemming from insecurity or fear of abandonment. She encourages readers to view jealousy as a signal to assess their feelings and communicate openly.
• Coping Strategies: The book offers strategies for coping with jealousy, such as self-reflection and discussing feelings with partners. Taormino suggests that clarity about oneself can improve relationship dynamics.
• Compersion Concept: Taormino introduces the concept of compersion, which is taking joy in a partner’s happiness with another person. This can serve as an antidote to jealousy and foster a positive atmosphere in open relationships.

What is the concept of compersion in Opening Up: A Guide To Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships?

• Definition of Compersion: Compersion is described as "the positive feelings one gets when a lover is enjoying another relationship." It is often seen as the opposite of jealousy and is a key concept in fostering healthy non-monogamous relationships.
• Emotional Shift: Achieving compersion requires a shift in mindset, moving from feelings of insecurity to joy in a partner's happiness. This emotional state can enhance the overall satisfaction in relationships.
• Practice and Patience: Taormino notes that compersion can be learned and developed over time. It involves patience and self-reflection, as individuals work to unlearn jealousy and embrace their partner's other relationships.

What are some common myths about nonmonogamy discussed in Opening Up: A Guide To Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships?

• Monogamy is Natural: One myth is that humans are naturally monogamous. Taormino references The Myth of Monogamy by Barash and Lipton, suggesting that monogamy goes against some evolutionary inclinations.
• Open Relationships are Unnatural: Another myth is that open relationships are abnormal or immoral. Taormino argues that societal norms change over time and that "what is normal is always open to debate."
• Polyamory Equals Promiscuity: The misconception that polyamory is merely a fancy term for promiscuity is addressed. Taormino clarifies that "polyamory is not simply all about sex" and encompasses emotional connections and intimacy.

How do I know if an open relationship is right for me, according to Opening Up: A Guide To Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships?

• Self-Evaluation: Taormino suggests conducting a thorough self-evaluation to assess your beliefs about monogamy and your emotional needs. Consider questions like, “What role does sex play in your relationships?”
• Relationship State: Evaluate the current state of your relationship. If it feels stable and secure, it may be a good time to explore nonmonogamy, but unresolved issues should be addressed first.
• Desire for Exploration: Consider your motivations for wanting to open your relationship. If it stems from curiosity and a desire for growth rather than dissatisfaction, it may be a more promising venture.

What makes an open relationship work, as outlined in Opening Up: A Guide To Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships?

• Consent and Communication: Consent and open communication are foundational to successful open relationships. Taormino emphasizes that “everyone involved must be on board” and that ongoing discussions about feelings and boundaries are essential.
• Self-Awareness: A strong sense of self and emotional intelligence is crucial. Taormino notes that clarity about one's wishes and goals enhances the communication process.
• Trust and Boundaries: Establishing trust and clear boundaries helps partners feel secure. Trust in the strength of relationships reduces anxiety in the presence of new partners.

What practical advice does Opening Up: A Guide To Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships provide for creating open relationships?

• Setting Boundaries: The book encourages readers to establish clear boundaries and agreements with partners before entering into non-monogamous relationships. This includes discussing what is acceptable and what is not.
• Regular Check-Ins: Taormino suggests having regular check-ins to discuss feelings, experiences, and any changes in the relationship dynamics. This ongoing communication helps maintain transparency and trust.
• Flexibility and Adaptation: The author highlights the need for flexibility in agreements, as relationships can evolve over time. Being open to renegotiating terms can help partners adapt to new circumstances and maintain harmony.

What are the different styles of open relationships discussed in Opening Up: A Guide To Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships?

• Partnered Nonmonogamy: This style involves committed couples who engage in sexual relationships with others while prioritizing their primary relationship. It allows for casual encounters without emotional attachment.
• Swinging: Swinging typically involves couples engaging in sexual activities with other couples or individuals, often in a social setting. It emphasizes recreational sex rather than emotional connections.
• Polyamory: Polyamory involves maintaining multiple significant relationships that include emotional intimacy and love. It allows for deeper connections and commitments beyond casual encounters.

What are some challenges faced in open relationships, according to Opening Up: A Guide To Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships?

• Time Management: Balancing multiple relationships can be challenging, as it requires effective time management and prioritization. The more relationships one has, the more complex communication can become.
• Emotional Complexity: Navigating the emotional dynamics of multiple partners can lead to conflicts and misunderstandings. Ongoing communication is essential to address these complexities.
• Societal Stigma: Open relationships often face societal stigma and misunderstanding, which can create additional stress. Taormino encourages finding supportive communities and resources to navigate these challenges.