重点摘要
1. 现代育儿和教育被治疗性干预所淹没
我们培养了有史以来最孤独、最焦虑、最抑郁、最悲观、最无助和最恐惧的一代。为什么?
**治疗性接管。**心理健康行业已经渗透到育儿和教育的各个方面。父母和教育者为了培养“快乐的孩子”,采用了一种将正常的童年经历视为潜在创伤的治疗方法。这导致了儿童生活中过度诊断、过度用药和过度干预的流行。
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治疗性干预现在主导:
- 育儿方式
- 教育方法
- 社交互动
- 情感发展
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这种方法的后果:
- 青少年焦虑和抑郁增加
- 韧性和独立性下降
- 过度依赖外部验证和支持
2. 对情绪和感受的持续关注可能对儿童的发展有害
“如果你想爬山,如果你在走了两步后开始问自己‘我感觉如何?’,你会停留在山脚下。”
**情绪过度强调。**目前对不断监控和讨论儿童情绪的痴迷,反而可能导致情绪不稳定增加和韧性下降。这种方法虽然出于好意,但往往阻止了儿童发展自然的应对机制和解决问题的能力。
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持续情绪关注的负面影响:
- 增加反刍和焦虑
- 完成任务和克服挑战的困难
- 独立调节情绪的能力下降
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替代方法:
- 鼓励行动导向而非状态导向
- 允许儿童体验和克服小的不适
- 关注问题解决而非情绪处理
3. “创伤知情”方法的兴起往往会制造本不存在的问题
“对于来自更集体主义文化的人来说,这简直是疯狂的。”
**创伤过度。**在学校和育儿中广泛采用的“创伤知情”方法导致了将正常的童年经历病理化的倾向。这可能会制造一种自我实现的预言,使儿童即使没有受到创伤也开始认为自己受到了伤害。
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创伤知情方法的问题:
- 过度诊断心理健康问题
- 依赖治疗性干预
- 削弱自然的韧性和应对机制
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历史视角:
- 以前的几代人面对重大困难而没有广泛的创伤
- 韧性是常态,而不是例外
4. 学校中的社会情感学习可能削弱韧性和独立性
“我认为我们通过告诉孩子们他们无法克服任何伤害来毁掉他们。”
**SEL缺陷。**虽然社会情感学习(SEL)项目被宣传为有益,但它们往往有意想不到的负面后果。这些项目可能会削弱儿童自然发展的社交技能、情绪调节和解决问题的能力。
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SEL的问题方面:
- 过度强调讨论和分析情绪
- 干扰自然的同伴互动和冲突解决
- 依赖成人干预社交情况
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替代方法:
- 允许更多的非结构化游戏和社交互动
- 通过自然后果教导韧性
- 鼓励独立解决问题
5. 儿童的过度诊断和过度用药已成为普遍问题
“多动症不是一种疾病,利他林也不是一种治愈方法。”
**诊断膨胀。**心理健康行业倾向于将正常的儿童行为病理化,导致了过度诊断和过度用药的流行。这种方法往往未能解决潜在问题,并可能导致终身依赖药物。
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过度诊断和过度用药的后果:
- 在关键发展时期改变大脑化学
- 掩盖可能需要不同干预的潜在问题
- 制造心理疾病的自我实现预言
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替代方法:
- 关注行为和环境干预
- 将药物作为最后的手段,而不是首选治疗
- 认识到正常儿童行为的广泛范围
6. 父母的权威被专家意见和治疗性育儿方式削弱
“父母知道这一点。这就是为什么在专家介入之前,我们总是在测试我们的孩子:戏弄、责骂、拥抱。让他们感受到忽视我们警告的痛苦,但随后帮助他们站起来,拍掉灰尘,继续前行。”
**权威削弱。**治疗性育儿方式的兴起和对专家意见的不断依赖削弱了父母的权威和信心。这种转变使许多父母感到不适和不确定如何有效地引导他们的孩子。
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导致父母权威削弱的因素:
- 过度依赖专家意见
- 害怕造成情感伤害
- 社会压力要求成为“完美”父母
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父母权威削弱的后果:
- 儿童的困惑和不安全感
- 缺乏明确的界限和期望
- 家庭内部的权力斗争增加
7. 儿童需要独立、冒险和韧性培养的经历
“适度的剥夺和牺牲、挑战、独立性、伴随自主性的风险——所有这些对这些孩子都非常有益。”
**控制的逆境。**儿童从适当水平的风险、独立性和挑战中受益。这些经历培养了韧性、解决问题的能力和自信心,这对成年生活至关重要。
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控制的逆境的好处:
- 解决问题的能力发展
- 自信心和自立性增加
- 更好地为成人挑战做准备
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融入控制的逆境的方法:
- 允许非结构化的游戏和探索
- 分配适合年龄的责任
- 抵制解决所有儿童问题的冲动
8. 技术和社交媒体加剧了青少年的心理健康问题
“智能手机是一种适应工具,一种回避和反刍的装置——这是我们的孩子在迈向成年时最不需要的东西。”
**数字困境。**智能手机和社交媒体的普及为儿童的心理健康和社交发展带来了前所未有的挑战。这些技术往往加剧现有问题并创造新的问题。
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技术对青少年的负面影响:
- 焦虑和抑郁增加
- 睡眠模式紊乱
- 面对面社交互动减少
- 暴露于网络欺凌和不现实的社交比较
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管理技术使用的策略:
- 设定明确的屏幕时间界限和限制
- 鼓励替代活动和面对面互动
- 父母作为健康技术使用的榜样
9. 传统的育儿智慧往往优于现代治疗方法
“我们不想把我们的孩子置于化学束缚中。我们不打算花时间想出操纵性的方式来掩盖他们的失败。”
**回归基础。**许多传统的育儿方法被现代治疗方法所取代,但往往能为儿童带来更好的结果。这些经过时间考验的方法通常强调明确的界限、自然后果和逐步的独立性。
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传统育儿方法的好处:
- 明确的期望和界限
- 自立和解决问题能力的发展
- 为现实世界的挑战做准备
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关键的传统育儿原则:
- 一致的纪律和后果
- 逐步增加责任和自由
- 强调品格发展而非情感溺爱
10. 恢复父母的信心和权威对儿童的福祉至关重要
“你在这个世界上是有价值的,因为你对你的孩子来说是无价的。当她考虑一个成年人应该如何表现时,她的脑海中总会想到你。”
**父母赋权。**恢复父母的信心和权威对于培养适应良好、有韧性的孩子至关重要。父母需要信任自己的直觉和判断,而不是不断依赖外部专家或治疗方法。
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恢复父母信心的步骤:
- 信任你的直觉和对孩子的了解
- 设定明确的界限和期望
- 允许行为的自然后果
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恢复父母权威的好处:
- 增加儿童的安全感
- 更明确的指导和方向
- 更强的家庭纽带和关系
父母应该记住,他们是自己孩子的终极专家,有权利和责任对他们的成长做出决定。通过重新获得他们的权威和信心,父母可以提供孩子成长所需的稳定、充满爱的环境。
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FAQ
What's Bad Therapy: Why the Kids Aren't Growing Up about?
- Focus on Youth Mental Health: The book examines the current state of youth mental health in America, highlighting changes in therapy and mental health interventions over time.
- Critique of Therapeutic Practices: Abigail Shrier critiques prevalent therapeutic practices in schools and homes, arguing they often cause more harm than good.
- Iatrogenesis Concept: Shrier introduces "iatrogenesis," harm caused by the healer, suggesting therapy can sometimes worsen issues instead of resolving them.
Why should I read Bad Therapy?
- Insightful Analysis: The book offers a critical look at the mental health industry and its effects on children, making it essential for parents, educators, and mental health professionals.
- Cultural Commentary: Shrier provides commentary on cultural shifts in parenting and mental health, helping readers understand broader societal implications.
- Call for Reflection: It encourages readers to question their beliefs about therapy and mental health, assessing whether current practices benefit children.
What are the key takeaways of Bad Therapy?
- Therapy Can Harm: Therapy, though well-intentioned, can lead to negative outcomes like increased anxiety and dependency in children.
- Overdiagnosis and Mislabeling: Shrier highlights the trend of overdiagnosing children, leading to self-fulfilling prophecies where children internalize negative labels.
- Importance of Resilience: The book stresses fostering resilience in children rather than viewing them as fragile or irreparably damaged.
What are the best quotes from Bad Therapy and what do they mean?
- “The best of doctors are destined for hell.”: This underscores the idea that even well-meaning professionals can cause harm, highlighting potential dangers of therapeutic interventions.
- “We’ve been relying on them for decades to tell us how to raise well-adjusted kids.”: Shrier critiques reliance on mental health professionals for parenting advice, suggesting it leads to less capable children.
- “Maybe it’s time we offered a little resistance.”: A call to action for parents and society to question and resist prevailing mental health narratives that may not serve children well.
How does Bad Therapy address the youth mental health crisis?
- Two Distinct Groups: Shrier distinguishes between severely mentally ill youth needing professional help and a larger group of anxious, lost youth who may not require therapy.
- Critique of Overmedication: The book critiques overmedicating children for normal developmental issues, arguing it leads to a generation feeling broken or disordered.
- Cultural Factors: Shrier discusses cultural factors like parenting styles and societal expectations contributing to the youth mental health crisis.
What role do schools play in the issues discussed in Bad Therapy?
- Therapeutic Environment: Schools have adopted therapeutic approaches, often diagnosing and treating students without adequate training or oversight.
- Social-Emotional Learning: Shrier critiques programs encouraging children to focus on feelings, arguing it can lead to increased anxiety and emotional dysregulation.
- Impact on Students: These practices can create a culture of dependency and victimhood, undermining students' ability to cope with challenges independently.
What is iatrogenesis in the context of Bad Therapy?
- Definition of Iatrogenesis: Refers to harm caused by medical or therapeutic interventions, especially when unnecessary or misapplied.
- Examples in Therapy: Therapy can lead to increased anxiety, dependency, and family estrangement, illustrating unintended consequences of well-meaning interventions.
- Need for Caution: Serves as a warning for parents and professionals to be cautious about mental health treatments pursued for children.
How does Bad Therapy suggest we approach parenting differently?
- Encouraging Independence: Shrier advocates for parenting that encourages independence and resilience rather than overprotectiveness.
- Critical Thinking: Emphasizes teaching children critical thinking skills and navigating challenges without relying on adult intervention.
- Resisting Therapeutic Culture: Calls for parents to resist viewing children as victims, fostering a sense of agency and capability instead.
What are the potential dangers of social-emotional learning as outlined in Bad Therapy?
- Emotional Overexposure: Shrier argues it can lead to emotional overexposure, where children dwell on feelings rather than engage with the world.
- Normalization of Trauma: Programs can normalize trauma, leading children to believe they are more damaged than they are.
- Disruption of Learning: Prioritizing emotional discussions over academics can disrupt education, leaving children ill-prepared for real-world challenges.
How does Bad Therapy propose we redefine success for children?
- Redefining Resilience: Success should include resilience and coping with adversity, not just achieving happiness or avoiding discomfort.
- Emphasizing Growth: Importance of growth through challenges, allowing children to experience failure and learn from it.
- Encouraging Real-Life Skills: Advocates teaching practical skills for navigating life’s challenges, rather than relying on therapeutic interventions.
What is the concept of "gentle parenting" in Bad Therapy?
- Definition of Gentle Parenting: An approach prioritizing emotional validation and avoiding punishment, engaging with children emotionally.
- Critique of the Approach: While nurturing, it can lead to children ill-equipped to handle challenges, fostering entitlement and dependency.
- Call for Balance: Advocates a balanced approach combining empathy with authority, benefiting children by knowing parents are in charge.
What are the consequences of the "tattletale generation" discussed in Bad Therapy?
- Cultural Shift: Describes children conditioned to report on each other rather than resolve conflicts independently, reflecting broader cultural trends.
- Impact on Relationships: Undermines development of healthy relationships, leading to isolation and anxiety.
- Long-term Effects: Habits formed in childhood can persist into adulthood, resulting in individuals less capable of handling interpersonal conflicts.
评论
《坏疗法》评价不一,有人赞扬其对过度治疗儿童和直升机式育儿负面影响的批判,也有人批评其缺乏细腻和过于概括。支持者欣赏施里尔对过度治疗和用药如何损害儿童的韧性和独立性的探讨。批评者认为,这本书过于简化复杂问题,过分依赖来自特权家庭的轶事,并忽视了心理健康支持的益处。总体而言,这本书引发了关于现代育儿和儿童心理健康方法的辩论。