25 Questions You're Afraid to Ask About Love, Sex, and Intimacy

1. Sexuality is inseparable from spirituality and reflects our relationship with God

"Whether you are single or married, having great sex or no sex, your sexuality is inseparable from your spirituality."

Our sexuality is spiritual. Unlike other physical functions, our sexual choices and experiences profoundly impact our spiritual lives. This connection works both ways - our spiritual health affects our sexuality, and our sexual choices influence our relationship with God.

God cares about sex. Far from being a taboo topic, sexuality is addressed throughout Scripture. God designed sex not just for procreation or pleasure, but as a powerful metaphor to communicate spiritual truths. Our sexual longings and experiences can teach us about God's passionate love for us.

Holistic view needed. To fully understand and experience sexuality as God intended, we must integrate it with our spiritual lives rather than compartmentalizing it. This means bringing sexual struggles, joys, and questions before God in prayer and aligning our sexual choices with biblical wisdom.

2. God designed sex as a powerful metaphor for intimacy with Him

"God created sex and the covenant of marriage to be a brilliant metaphor of how deeply He knows us and longs for us to know Him."

Sex points to spiritual realities. The physical and emotional intimacy of sex within marriage is meant to reflect the deep spiritual intimacy God desires with His people. The vulnerability, trust, and pleasure of marital sex teach us about God's love.

Biblical imagery. Scripture often uses marriage and sexual love as metaphors for God's relationship with His people. Examples include:

• God as a husband to Israel
• The Church as the Bride of Christ
• Song of Songs as an allegory of divine love

Deepens both relationships. Understanding this connection can enrich both our marriages and our relationship with God. It gives greater meaning to sexual intimacy and helps us grasp spiritual truths through physical experiences.

3. Sexual temptation is universal, but doesn't define our identity

"You can be tempted by the same thoughts one hundred times a day without sinning."

Temptation is normal. All people, including devout Christians, experience sexual temptations. Having sexual thoughts or desires is not inherently sinful - it's how we respond that matters. Jesus himself was tempted but did not sin.

Identity in Christ. Our sexual struggles or orientation do not define us. For Christians, our primary identity is as children of God, redeemed by Christ. This truth gives hope and perspective in the midst of temptation.

Practical strategies:

• Recognize temptation early
• Have accountability partners
• Fill your mind with Scripture and positive thoughts
• Address underlying emotional needs
• Seek professional help if struggling with addiction

4. Forgiveness and healing are possible after sexual betrayal

"God is a Master at working out messes when we bring them to Him."

Betrayal cuts deep. Sexual infidelity causes profound pain and can shatter trust in a relationship. The trauma is real and should not be minimized. However, healing is possible with God's help.

Steps toward healing:

• Both partners commit to the process
• The unfaithful partner takes full responsibility
• Open, honest communication about the betrayal
• Professional counseling often needed
• Rebuilding trust takes time and consistent effort
• Forgiveness is a choice and ongoing process

God's redemptive power. Many couples testify to experiencing deeper intimacy and stronger marriages after working through infidelity. While reconciliation isn't always possible or wise (in cases of unrepentant abuse, for example), God can bring beauty from ashes.

5. Healthy marriages require intentional pursuit of intimacy

"Passion doesn't just happen—it must be pursued, sought after, and longed for."

Intentionality is key. Great marriages and satisfying sex lives don't happen by accident. Couples must prioritize their relationship and actively work to maintain intimacy. This includes emotional, spiritual, and physical connection.

Practical ways to pursue intimacy:

• Regular date nights
• Meaningful conversations beyond logistics
• Praying together
• Learning each other's love languages
• Trying new activities together
• Addressing conflicts promptly and lovingly
• Making sex a priority, even scheduling it if necessary

Overcome obstacles. Life's busyness, stress, and distractions can easily erode intimacy. Couples must be proactive in identifying and addressing barriers to closeness. This may involve seeking counseling, adjusting schedules, or confronting personal issues.

6. Women have unique power to build or tear down marital intimacy

"A woman can make two vital mistakes that may result in the destruction of her marriage: The first is to ignore or deny her power; the second is to abuse her power."

Three power zones: Women have significant influence in meeting their husband's needs for respect, companionship, and sexual fulfillment. How a wife uses this power greatly impacts the marriage.

Building up: Ways women can use their power positively:

• Express genuine admiration and appreciation
• Engage in shared activities and interests
• Initiate sexual intimacy
• Offer encouragement and support
• Communicate needs and desires clearly

Tearing down: Damaging uses of power include:

• Constant criticism or contempt
• Emotional withdrawal
• Using sex as a weapon or bargaining tool
• Comparing husband unfavorably to others
• Undermining his decisions or leadership

7. God's design for sex brings deeper joy than cultural alternatives

"John Piper states our problem is not that we like pleasure too much, but that we settle for too little."

God is pro-pleasure. Contrary to some misconceptions, God invented sex and wants married couples to thoroughly enjoy it. The Bible celebrates sexual pleasure within marriage (e.g., Song of Songs).

Cultural lies: Modern society often promotes a view of sexuality that promises freedom but leads to emptiness. Examples include:

• Casual hookups
• Pornography
• Extramarital affairs
• BDSM/Fifty Shades mentality

God's better way. While initially appealing, these alternatives ultimately fall short of the deep intimacy, security, and lasting pleasure found in God's design for sex within marriage. Following biblical principles leads to greater sexual and relational fulfillment.

8. Open communication and mutual understanding are crucial for sexual fulfillment

"Most women don't battle that kind of shame over a lie they told ten years ago or for gossiping about a friend. So why do sexual choices seem to create such lasting shame?"

Break the silence. Many couples struggle to talk openly about sex due to embarrassment, past wounds, or cultural taboos. However, honest communication is essential for a fulfilling sex life.

Topics to discuss:

• Sexual desires and preferences
• Frequency expectations
• Emotional needs surrounding sex
• Past sexual experiences or trauma
• Physical limitations or health concerns

Mutual understanding. Men and women often approach sex differently. Learning about these differences (e.g., in arousal patterns or emotional needs) can reduce frustration and increase empathy.

9. Singleness and marriage both offer opportunities for spiritual growth

"Your sexuality serves a purpose."

Sexuality in singleness. Single Christians are still sexual beings. Rather than suppressing sexuality, they can channel sexual energy into:

• Deepening intimacy with God
• Cultivating meaningful friendships
• Pursuing passions and purpose

Marriage as sanctification. The challenges of merging two lives provide opportunities for:

• Selflessness and sacrifice
• Communication and conflict resolution
• Forgiveness and grace

Both valuable. The Bible affirms both singleness and marriage as valid callings. Each status offers unique blessings and challenges for spiritual formation.

10. God's love and holiness provide the foundation for sexual ethics

"God's love is limitless, but it does have boundaries."

Balance of attributes. God's love does not negate His holiness. His grace and forgiveness are freely given, but He still calls us to righteousness. This applies to sexuality as well.

Boundaries bring freedom. God's sexual ethics (sex reserved for marriage, fidelity, etc.) aren't arbitrary rules but loving guidelines for our flourishing. Living within these boundaries leads to greater intimacy and joy.

Grace-filled obedience. Following God's design for sexuality isn't about earning His love, but responding to it. His love empowers us to pursue sexual purity and healing from past wounds.

Last updated: November 22, 2024