God, Sex, and Your Marriage

1. God's Design for Sex: A Reflection of Covenant Love

"God embedded within His creation a variety of physical things that point to spiritual truths."

Divine metaphor. Sex in marriage is designed to be a physical representation of God's covenant love for His people. This profound connection elevates sexual intimacy beyond mere physical pleasure to a sacred act that reflects spiritual truths.

Biblical foundation. Throughout the Bible, from Genesis to Revelation, the imagery of marriage and sexual union is used to illustrate God's relationship with His people. This consistent theme underscores the importance of understanding sex within the context of covenant love.

Transformative perspective. Viewing sex through this lens can radically change how couples approach intimacy in their marriage. It shifts the focus from self-gratification to mutual love, commitment, and spiritual growth.

2. Overcoming Past Wounds and Misconceptions about Sex

"What we fail to recognize is that some degree of sexual incompatibility is actually 'baked into the cake' of sexual intimacy."

Addressing baggage. Many couples bring past hurts, traumas, and misconceptions about sex into their marriage. These can stem from various sources:

• Negative childhood experiences
• Past sexual abuse
• Exposure to pornography
• Unhealthy cultural messages about sex
• Misguided religious teachings

Reframing challenges. Rather than viewing sexual differences or struggles as insurmountable obstacles, couples can see them as opportunities for growth, deeper understanding, and the development of true intimacy.

Healing journey. Overcoming these issues often requires patience, open communication, and sometimes professional help. The goal is to replace harmful beliefs with a healthy, God-centered view of sexuality.

3. The Four Pillars of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage

"Sexual integrity means that your sex life is an accurate reflection of the most important thing about you: you are a child of God, made in His image, created to bring glory to Him."

Holistic approach. The author presents four essential pillars that form the foundation of a healthy, God-honoring sexual relationship in marriage:

1. Faithfulness
2. Intimate Knowing
3. Sacrificial Love
4. Passionate Celebration

Balanced perspective. These pillars provide a comprehensive framework for understanding and nurturing sexual intimacy. They address both the spiritual and physical aspects of sex, emphasizing that true sexual fulfillment comes from aligning with God's design.

Growth process. Couples are encouraged to view the development of these pillars as a lifelong journey, requiring ongoing effort, communication, and mutual commitment.

4. Faithfulness: The Foundation of Trust and Vulnerability

"The most essential element of a great sex life is not a toned body, a beautiful face, sexual skills, or even the capacity to think erotically. The most important ingredient of sexual intimacy is character."

Trust as bedrock. Faithfulness goes beyond merely avoiding physical infidelity. It encompasses emotional fidelity, trustworthiness, and a commitment to exclusivity in all aspects of the relationship.

Vulnerability enabled. When spouses are confident in each other's faithfulness, it creates a safe space for true vulnerability and intimacy to flourish. This security allows couples to be fully known, without fear of rejection or betrayal.

Character development. Cultivating faithfulness is a matter of personal character growth. It involves:

• Honesty and transparency
• Keeping promises
• Avoiding situations that could compromise trust
• Consistently choosing one's spouse over other temptations

5. Intimate Knowing: Moving Beyond Physical to Emotional Connection

"Yada is not just intellectual knowledge, but a deep, experiential knowing."

Hebrew concept of 'yada'. The author introduces the Hebrew word 'yada', which means "to intimately know." This concept encompasses a deeper level of connection than mere physical intimacy.

Multifaceted intimacy. True intimate knowing involves:

• Emotional vulnerability
• Spiritual connection
• Intellectual sharing
• Physical closeness

Journey of discovery. Couples are encouraged to view intimate knowing as an ongoing process of learning about each other. This involves curiosity, open communication, and a willingness to share one's innermost thoughts and feelings.

6. Sacrificial Love: Putting Your Spouse's Needs First

"Sex is perhaps the most tangible area of your marriage through which you can learn to live out the unselfish love God has for you."

Christ-like love. Sacrificial love in marriage mirrors Christ's love for the church. It involves putting your spouse's needs and well-being above your own desires.

Practical application. In the context of sexual intimacy, sacrificial love may look like:

• Being patient with a spouse's healing process
• Prioritizing your partner's pleasure and comfort
• Willingly abstaining when necessary for your spouse's well-being
• Investing time and effort in understanding your spouse's needs and desires

Mutual growth. When both partners practice sacrificial love, it creates a positive cycle of giving and receiving that deepens intimacy and strengthens the marriage bond.

7. Passionate Celebration: Embracing Pleasure as God's Gift

"God takes pleasure in your pleasure."

Divine approval. The author emphasizes that sexual pleasure within marriage is not just permitted by God, but actively celebrated. This perspective helps couples overcome guilt or shame associated with sexual enjoyment.

Intentional pursuit. Couples are encouraged to actively pursue pleasure and passion in their sexual relationship. This involves:

• Open communication about desires and preferences
• Creativity and playfulness in lovemaking
• Addressing physical or emotional barriers to pleasure
• Celebrating the unique ways God has designed each person for sexual enjoyment

Spiritual connection. Passionate celebration in sex can become a form of worship, expressing gratitude for God's good gifts and reflecting the joy found in His love.

8. Addressing Barriers to Sexual Intimacy

"There are seasons of marriages where couples sacrificially abstain from sex to provide the room for healing and restoration."

Common obstacles. Couples often face various challenges to sexual intimacy, including:

• Mismatched sexual desires
• Physical health issues or disabilities
• Past sexual traumas
• Infertility or pregnancy loss
• Mental health struggles
• Addiction recovery

Compassionate approach. The author advocates for a gracious, patient approach to addressing these barriers. This may involve temporary abstinence, professional help, or finding alternative ways to express intimacy.

Opportunity for growth. While challenging, these obstacles can become opportunities for deeper emotional connection, increased communication, and spiritual growth as couples navigate them together.

9. The Spiritual Battle for Your Sex Life

"Your sex life is not just an issue between you and your spouse. It is also a spiritual battle of freedom and bondage."

Recognizing the enemy. The author highlights that there is a spiritual dimension to sexual struggles in marriage. Satan seeks to distort and destroy what God has designed for good.

Battlefield of the mind. Much of this spiritual battle takes place in our thoughts and beliefs about sex. Common lies include:

• "I'm too broken to experience healing."
• "My spouse can never forgive me."
• "God doesn't care about my sexual struggles."

Strategies for victory. Couples can fight this spiritual battle through:

• Prayer and reliance on God's strength
• Renewing their minds with biblical truth
• Seeking support from mature believers
• Addressing underlying spiritual issues

10. Walking in Faith Towards Sexual Wholeness

"Faith means living by truths and convictions that sometimes fly in the face of everything around us."

Trusting God's process. The journey towards sexual wholeness often requires faith in God's goodness and redemptive power, even when progress seems slow or setbacks occur.

Small steps of obedience. Faith is practically lived out through consistent, small choices to align with God's design for sexuality. This might involve:

• Confessing hidden sins
• Choosing to forgive
• Taking risks in vulnerability
• Persistently addressing issues rather than ignoring them

Hope for the future. Faith provides the courage to believe that healing and growth are possible, even in the face of seemingly insurmountable challenges.

11. The Power of Truth in Healing and Transformation

"Truth isn't just a new way of thinking; it means embracing a person. Not only does Jesus speak the truth, He is the Truth."

Beyond information. True healing comes not just from knowing facts about God's design for sex, but from personally encountering Jesus Christ, who is Truth incarnate.

Replacing lies. The process of transformation involves:

1. Identifying lies we've believed about sex, ourselves, or God
2. Replacing those lies with biblical truth
3. Allowing that truth to reshape our thoughts, emotions, and actions

Experiential knowledge. As couples pursue truth together, they grow in their understanding of God's love and His good purposes for sexuality in marriage.

12. Seeking Help and Community Support for Sexual Healing

"You were not meant to heal alone. You are not able to heal alone."

Breaking isolation. The author strongly encourages couples to reach out for help in their journey towards sexual wholeness. This might involve:

• Counseling or therapy
• Support groups
• Trusted friends or mentors
• Pastoral care

Vulnerability required. Seeking help often requires taking the risk of being honest about struggles and pain. While challenging, this vulnerability is crucial for deep healing and growth.

Community as God's design. Just as God exists in community (Trinity), He has designed humans to heal and grow in the context of supportive relationships. The body of Christ plays a vital role in the journey towards sexual wholeness in marriage.

Last updated: January 22, 2025