AARP Falling Upward

1. Life's Journey: Two Distinct Halves with Unique Challenges

There are at least two major tasks to human life. The first task is to build a strong "container" or identity; the second is to find the contents that the container was meant to hold.

Building and discovering. The journey of life can be divided into two distinct halves, each with its own set of challenges and goals. The first half focuses on establishing our identity, creating boundaries, and building a sense of self. This involves:

• Developing a career
• Forming relationships
• Creating a social network
• Establishing personal beliefs and values

Filling and transcending. The second half of life is about finding deeper meaning and purpose. It involves:

• Questioning previously held beliefs
• Embracing complexity and paradox
• Seeking spiritual growth and wisdom
• Contributing to society in meaningful ways

This division is not strictly chronological but represents stages of spiritual and emotional maturity. Understanding these two halves can help us navigate life's challenges more effectively and find greater fulfillment.

2. The First Half: Building Identity and Establishing Boundaries

We grow spiritually much more by doing it wrong than by doing it right.

Necessary structure. The first half of life is crucial for developing a strong sense of self and navigating the world. Key aspects include:

• Forming a clear identity
• Establishing personal boundaries
• Developing self-discipline and impulse control
• Creating a sense of belonging to groups and communities

Learning through contrast. This phase often involves:

• Defining ourselves in opposition to others
• Embracing dualistic thinking (right/wrong, us/them)
• Seeking external validation and success
• Building a "survival dance" to meet basic needs

While these traits may seem limiting, they are necessary for creating a stable foundation. The challenges and even failures experienced during this phase become valuable lessons for later growth.

3. The Second Half: Embracing Complexity and Finding Deeper Meaning

A light shines on in the darkness, a light that darkness cannot overcome.

Expanding perspectives. The second half of life is characterized by:

• Embracing paradox and ambiguity
• Developing a more nuanced worldview
• Seeking inner wisdom rather than external validation
• Focusing on being rather than doing

Integration and transcendence. This phase involves:

• Reconciling opposites within ourselves
• Finding meaning in life's challenges and setbacks
• Developing a sense of inner authority
• Contributing to the greater good beyond personal gain

The transition to this phase often comes through life experiences that challenge our previously held beliefs and force us to develop a more inclusive and compassionate worldview.

4. Necessary Suffering: The Path to Growth and Wisdom

The falling became the standing. The stumbling became the finding. The dying became the rising.

Transformative pain. Suffering is an inevitable and necessary part of life that can lead to profound growth and wisdom. Key aspects include:

• Recognizing that pain is not always something to be avoided
• Understanding that challenges can be opportunities for transformation
• Embracing vulnerability as a source of strength

Learning through adversity. Necessary suffering can take many forms:

• Personal losses and failures
• Confronting our own limitations and flaws
• Experiencing disillusionment with previously held beliefs
• Facing existential questions about life's meaning

By facing these challenges head-on, rather than avoiding them, we can develop greater resilience, empathy, and insight into the human condition.

5. Embracing the Shadow: Integrating Our Whole Self

Your shadow is what you refuse to see about yourself, and what you do not want others to see.

Wholeness through acceptance. Embracing our shadow involves:

• Acknowledging and accepting our flaws and weaknesses
• Recognizing that our perceived shortcomings can be sources of strength
• Integrating all aspects of ourselves for greater authenticity

Growth through self-awareness. The process of shadow work includes:

• Identifying and examining our blind spots
• Challenging our ego's defenses and rationalizations
• Developing greater compassion for ourselves and others
• Recognizing how our shadow influences our relationships and choices

By embracing our shadow, we can achieve greater self-acceptance, improve our relationships, and tap into previously unrecognized sources of creativity and strength.

6. Falling Upward: Transforming Failures into Opportunities

Lady Julian put it best of all: "First there is the fall, and then we recover from the fall. Both are the mercy of God!"

Reframing setbacks. The concept of falling upward involves:

• Seeing failures as opportunities for growth
• Recognizing that setbacks can lead to unexpected positive outcomes
• Developing resilience and adaptability in the face of challenges

Learning from descent. This process often includes:

• Confronting our own limitations and vulnerabilities
• Letting go of rigid beliefs and expectations
• Developing a more humble and compassionate perspective
• Finding new sources of meaning and purpose through difficulties

By embracing the idea of falling upward, we can approach life's challenges with greater equanimity and find value in even our most difficult experiences.

7. The Power of Non-Dualistic Thinking in the Second Half of Life

Mature religions, and now some scientists, say that we are hardwired for the Big Picture, for transcendence, for ongoing growth, for union with ourselves and everything else.

Embracing complexity. Non-dualistic thinking involves:

• Moving beyond black-and-white perspectives
• Recognizing the interconnectedness of all things
• Embracing paradox and ambiguity

Expanding consciousness. This way of thinking leads to:

• Greater empathy and understanding of others
• A more nuanced and inclusive worldview
• The ability to hold multiple perspectives simultaneously
• Deeper spiritual insights and experiences

Non-dualistic thinking allows us to transcend the limitations of our ego and connect more deeply with others and the world around us.

8. Discovering True Freedom in Simplicity and Solitude

You do not fight these things anymore; they have just shown themselves too many times to be useless, ego based, counterproductive, and often entirely wrong.

Liberation through letting go. True freedom comes from:

• Releasing attachment to external validation and material possessions
• Embracing simplicity in thought and action
• Finding contentment in the present moment

The power of solitude. Cultivating inner peace involves:

• Developing a rich inner life through contemplation and reflection
• Learning to be comfortable with silence and stillness
• Discovering our own inner authority and wisdom

By embracing simplicity and solitude, we can find a deeper sense of peace and purpose that is not dependent on external circumstances.

9. The Role of Elders: Wisdom for Individuals and Society

If there are not a few soulful people in each group, you can be sure that those who come at the end of the day, who are at the back of the line, or who live on the edge of what we call normal will never get paid.

Guiding wisdom. True elders provide:

• A broader perspective gained through life experience
• The ability to hold paradox and complexity
• Compassion and understanding for younger generations

Societal importance. Elders play crucial roles in:

• Mentoring and guiding younger individuals
• Preserving cultural wisdom and traditions
• Offering a counterbalance to short-term thinking in society
• Promoting values of compassion, inclusivity, and sustainability

Recognizing and valuing the role of elders can help individuals navigate their own life journeys more effectively and contribute to a more balanced and wise society.

Last updated: July 28, 2024