Age of Opportunity

1. Embrace the teen years as an age of opportunity, not survival

The teen years are hard for us because they tend to bring out the worst in us.

Shift your perspective. Many parents approach adolescence with fear and dread, hoping merely to survive. This negative mindset often leads to reactionary parenting driven by anxiety. Instead, view the teen years as a unique opportunity for growth, both for your child and yourself.

Recognize the potential. These years provide unparalleled chances to:

• Have deep, meaningful conversations about life's big questions
• Help your teen develop critical thinking skills and personal convictions
• Guide them in applying biblical wisdom to real-world situations
• Strengthen your relationship as you navigate challenges together

By embracing this time as an opportunity rather than a threat, you position yourself to be a positive influence during a crucial developmental stage. Your teenager needs your engaged, purposeful guidance now more than ever.

2. Focus on heart change, not just behavior control

We cannot be satisfied with the fruit-stapling agenda of controlling behavior.

Target the root. Many parents make the mistake of focusing solely on modifying their teen's outward behavior through rules and punishment. While boundaries are important, this approach fails to address the underlying heart issues driving the behavior.

Shepherd the heart. Instead:

• Engage in conversations that explore your teen's motivations, fears, and desires
• Help them identify the idols and false beliefs influencing their choices
• Point them to the transformative power of the gospel to change hearts
• Model humility by acknowledging your own need for heart change

Remember that lasting change comes from within. By addressing heart issues, you help your teen develop internal convictions that will guide them long after they leave your home.

3. Develop a biblically-based worldview in your teenager

We cannot and we must not reduce godly living to a set of rules.

Build a foundation. A biblically-based worldview provides a framework for understanding and engaging with the world. This goes far beyond memorizing Bible verses or following a list of dos and don'ts.

Cultivate wisdom. Help your teen develop:

• A robust understanding of God's character and his redemptive plan
• The ability to apply biblical principles to complex real-world situations
• Critical thinking skills to evaluate cultural messages and philosophies
• A recognition of how their faith should inform all areas of life

Use daily conversations, media discussions, and life experiences as opportunities to help your teen see the world through a biblical lens. Encourage them to ask questions and wrestle with difficult concepts, guiding them toward truth rather than simply giving them answers.

4. Prepare teens to interact redemptively with culture

We want to raise teenagers who are fully able to interact with their culture without becoming enslaved to its idols.

Equip, don't isolate. Many Christian parents try to protect their teens by sheltering them from cultural influences. While well-intentioned, this approach leaves teens ill-prepared to engage with the world as adults.

Teach discernment. Instead:

• Help teens identify and critique the underlying worldviews in cultural products
• Discuss how to engage culture as "salt and light" rather than simply consuming it
• Model how to appreciate what is good in culture while rejecting what is harmful
• Encourage teens to be creators of redemptive cultural content, not just consumers

Provide opportunities for your teen to practice engaging culture under your guidance. This might include discussing movies, analyzing song lyrics, or participating in community service. The goal is to develop their ability to interact wisely and redemptively with the world around them.

5. Cultivate a heart for God in your teenager

Above all else, this is the goal of our parenting efforts.

Prioritize relationship with God. While academic success, extracurricular achievements, and social skills are important, developing a genuine love for God should be the highest aim of Christian parenting.

Nurture spiritual growth. Practical ways to cultivate a heart for God:

• Model authentic faith through your own relationship with God
• Make family worship and Bible study engaging and relevant
• Encourage independent spiritual practices (prayer, Bible reading, journaling)
• Provide opportunities for meaningful service and ministry
• Share stories of God's faithfulness in your own life
• Create space for honest questions and doubts

Remember that you cannot force spiritual growth, but you can create an environment that nurtures it. Be patient and trust God's work in your teen's life, even when progress seems slow.

6. Equip teens for independence through maturity

Successful parenting means that we work ourselves out of a job.

Gradual release. The goal of parenting is to raise adults capable of living independently and making wise choices. This requires a gradual shift from control to coaching as your teen matures.

Foster responsibility. Key areas to develop:

• Personal responsibility for spiritual growth
• Healthy relationships and conflict resolution skills
• Work ethic and financial management
• Decision-making and problem-solving abilities
• Self-awareness and emotional intelligence
• Time management and organizational skills

Provide increasing opportunities for your teen to make decisions and face consequences (both positive and negative) in a supportive environment. Offer guidance and feedback, but resist the urge to rescue them from every difficulty. This process builds confidence and competence for adult life.

7. Implement strategic parenting approaches

We need to manufacture opportunities to talk in relaxed ways about significant things with our teenagers.

Be intentional. Effective parenting during the teen years requires a purposeful approach. Three key strategies:

1. Project Parenting:

   • Identify specific areas of growth for each teen
   • Set clear goals and develop plans to address them
   • Regularly evaluate progress and adjust as needed

2. Constant Conversation:

   • Commit to daily, meaningful interactions
   • Ask open-ended questions that encourage self-reflection
   • Create an environment where teens feel safe to share

3. Leading to Repentance:

   • Guide teens to recognize their own sin and need for change
   • Help them take ownership of confessing and repenting
   • Support them in making commitments to new behaviors

By implementing these strategies, you create a framework for ongoing discipleship and growth. Remember to approach your teen with humility, recognizing your own need for growth and God's grace in the process.

Last updated: January 22, 2025