What Did You Expect?

1. Marriage is a journey of two flawed people in a fallen world

You are a sinner married to a sinner, and you live in a fallen world.

Reality check: Marriage is not a fairy tale. It's a union of two imperfect individuals navigating life's challenges together. This reality requires:

• Acceptance of each other's flaws
• Patience and understanding during difficult times
• A commitment to personal growth and mutual support

Grace in action: Recognizing this truth allows couples to approach their relationship with humility and compassion. Instead of expecting perfection, they can:

• Celebrate progress and small victories
• Support each other through failures and setbacks
• Work together to overcome obstacles and grow stronger as a team

2. Love is more than attraction; it's selfless commitment and action

Love is willing self-sacrifice for the good of another that does not require reciprocation or that the person being loved is deserving.

Redefining love: True marital love goes beyond feelings and attraction. It's a choice to prioritize your spouse's well-being over your own desires. This involves:

• Putting your partner's needs before your own
• Making sacrifices without expecting anything in return
• Showing love even when it's difficult or undeserved

Love in practice: Couples can cultivate this kind of love by:

• Regularly performing acts of service for each other
• Expressing appreciation and affection consistently
• Supporting each other's goals and dreams, even at personal cost
• Choosing to love during conflicts or challenging times

3. Trust is the foundation of a strong marriage

Trust is being so convinced that you can rely on the integrity, strength, character, and faithfulness of another that you are willing to place yourself in his or her care.

Building trust: Trust is not automatic; it's built over time through consistent actions and reliability. Key components include:

• Honesty and transparency in all aspects of life
• Keeping promises and following through on commitments
• Respecting boundaries and maintaining confidentiality

Maintaining trust: Once established, trust requires ongoing nurture:

• Address issues promptly and honestly
• Avoid secrecy or behaviors that could breed suspicion
• Be willing to be vulnerable with each other
• Consistently demonstrate reliability in both big and small matters

4. Effective communication is vital for marital harmony

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

Communication skills: Healthy communication involves more than just talking. It requires:

• Active listening without interrupting or preparing rebuttals
• Expressing thoughts and feelings clearly and respectfully
• Being open to feedback and willing to compromise

Practical tips:

• Set aside regular time for meaningful conversations
• Use "I" statements to express feelings without blaming
• Practice empathy by trying to understand your partner's perspective
• Address conflicts promptly, focusing on solutions rather than accusations

5. Differences can strengthen a marriage when approached with grace

God decided to leave you in this fallen world to live, love, and work, because he intended to use the difficulties you face to do something in you that couldn't be done any other way.

Embracing differences: Instead of viewing differences as obstacles, see them as opportunities for growth and complementarity. This mindset shift involves:

• Appreciating your spouse's unique qualities and strengths
• Learning from each other's perspectives and experiences
• Finding ways to blend your differences into a stronger whole

Practical application:

• Identify and celebrate each other's strengths
• Divide responsibilities based on individual skills and preferences
• Approach conflicts as opportunities to understand each other better
• Use differences to challenge and inspire personal growth

6. Forgiveness is essential for healing and growth in marriage

We will give ourselves to a regular lifestyle of confession and forgiveness.

Power of forgiveness: Forgiveness is not a one-time event but an ongoing process that:

• Releases resentment and bitterness
• Allows for healing and restoration of the relationship
• Creates an atmosphere of grace and acceptance

Forgiveness in action:

• Admit wrongs quickly and sincerely
• Seek forgiveness without making excuses
• Grant forgiveness freely, even when it's difficult
• Work together to address underlying issues and prevent future offenses

7. Intentional effort is required to maintain and protect your marriage

A marriage of love, unity, and understanding is not rooted in romance; it is rooted in worship.

Proactive approach: A thriving marriage doesn't happen by accident. It requires:

• Regular investment of time and energy
• Commitment to shared goals and values
• Willingness to work through difficulties together

Practical steps:

• Schedule regular date nights and quality time together
• Set and review relationship goals as a couple
• Seek help when facing challenges (e.g., counseling, mentors)
• Continuously educate yourselves on building a strong marriage
• Protect your marriage from external threats (e.g., inappropriate relationships, time-consuming activities)

8. God's grace and presence are crucial for marital success

There is never a moment in our marriage when we are not in need of the rescuing, enabling, delivering grace of the Redeemer.

Divine assistance: Recognizing the need for God's help in marriage leads to:

• Humility and reliance on a higher power
• Access to wisdom and strength beyond human capacity
• A shared spiritual foundation for the relationship

Practical application:

• Pray together regularly for your marriage and each other
• Study and apply biblical principles to your relationship
• Seek God's guidance in decision-making and conflict resolution
• Participate in a faith community for support and accountability
• Remember that God's grace is sufficient in times of struggle

Last updated: January 24, 2025